If you live alone, do you sleep well?

[Fjmb]

I shall shortly be living alone and am worried about how I will be able to sleep.

I tend to listen for every single noise and get up numerous times in the night to check the house. I am most worried that someone will break in . When I’m alone at home this intensifies and some nights (like tonight) I just can’t relax enough to sleep, I spend the whole night constantly listening then checking the whole house. I only begin to feel calmer once it starts getting light outside (by them it’s too late because then I have to get up for work). I am much better if someone else is in the house but that’s not an option soon.

Is there anything I can do? If you live alone are you able to sleep? How do you do it?

Get a cat. I never used to feel alone with my cats. What about a ring doorbell?

I sleep brilliantly. Unless I've watched a scary movie - then I'd appreciate another body in bed. After a while you realise you never want to share a bed again and you just get accustomed to noises and soon adjust.

A ring doorbell could give some peace of mind. Thank you, I shall look into one!

I had male neighbours, both my age, on either side when I lived alone. Lovely blokes, who looked out for me. Knowing they were there gave me peace of mind.

Do you do anything specific? An adult version of a bedtime routine? I think if I could initially fall asleep then I’d be more likely to sleep through and hopefully I would just get used to it.

I have the whole bed for myself, no one else tossing and turning, or opening a window, or keeping a light on. I sleep like an angel.

In fact, when I bring a friend to stay I often send him home or to the spare room after sex.

You could try a routine where you check the house is locked up and then you know it's safe, then listen to an adult bedtime story on a podcast to drift off in bed.

I feel your pain, I was just like you when I lived in a big house surrounded by woods. It felt straight from a horror movie. I live in a condo now and feel much safer.

Have you looked into cheap DIY home security ideas? There are window and door alarms, cheap and easy peasy to install, just stick them on. Motion detectors are also great.

This article is from the US but there are a lot of great ideas here.

www.familyhandyman.com/list/inexpensive-ways-to-theft-proof-your-home/

I don’t sleep well if someone else is there. Living alone is delightful.

Seconding getting a cat. You can blame all noises on them. Especially if you have two cats.

When I was living alone, I'd make sure everything was shut up at a sensible time before tiredness kicked in. I'd also have to fall asleep with the tv on, I'd put a timer on it, and make sure I had 'sleep safe' programmes - not ones I really wanted to watch so when I fell asleep it didn't matter. And not ones that were going to wake me with screamy/noises that would set me off.

I'd still have some nights where I'd check the front door 5 times but generally I was able to tell myself it was all ok.

You will adjust, and become used to it. Just be kind to yourself in the process.

I have the house to myself on alternate weeks I'm in my fifties and this is the first time in my life I've been on my own.
A precious version of me would have been so anxious but I'm fine and sleep really well.
You might surprise yourself

I’m having some fairly rare sleeping issues right now due to stress which is why I’m on here at 4 in the morning! However I haven’t lived with another adult in 25 years and I’ve lived alone for nearly 10, so I’m used to it. In fact I sleep better because I’m not used to sharing a bed and when I do I get woken up, squashed or uncomfortable.

I did have a severe problem over 10 years ago when my house was broken into as part of a stalking incident. I wasn’t in the house at the time but due to the nature of what they did, I was under police protection, was traumatised and didn’t sleep well for months. To this day I have to sleep with my bedroom door locked.

I also had locks put on all the windows, a big secure gate by the entrance to the back garden, and the front door has a double lock as well as a chain, plus wind chimes attached to it. I do feel really secure. Locking stuff all the time has simply become second nature. I think if you have these kinds of things, you really legitimately have no reason to worry, so then you’ll gradually get used to it.

I haven’t worried for the longest time; it’s more like a background awareness now. I don’t have trouble sleeping due to it. Certainly if I were to hear a suspicious noise I’d simply call the police. It’s typical for me to wander about the house late at night in the dark (unless I’ve just watched something horribly scary).

I will have to sleep with a lock on my bedroom door pretty much for the rest of my life though. Some people have pointed out it would be unsafe in a fire but I really don’t care.

Never sleep well thanks to insomnia. But I do feel safe when DH works away. Can you upgrade your security? Lock on bedroom door, security light? Maybe get a dog. My dogs are very protective so I know if they're chilled out there's no reason to worry.

Thank you all for your sharing your ideas and what’s worked for you. I really do appreciate it and feel like I can take some pretty easy steps to try and make it seem/be less stressful
As much as I’d love a dog, I can’t commit the time or energy to one for the foreseeable future so I think I’ll start with home security.

@Fjmb I was just about to say get a dog also as I sleep much better when alone now than when I didn’t own one. They’re also brilliant company. If you can’t see this being a possibility, I’d up lighting around your property- sensor lights etc. then add visible cameras and locks to all windows and doors and add a lock to your bedroom door if you don’t have kids who might need you in the house during the night. Make sure you have a phone with you in the bedroom. Leave car keys downstairs in a faraday pouch but away from the front door as that’d be the No.1 reason for an attempt to break in. Before bed take a bath (the temperature reduction after a bath induces sleep) and I find the ‘this works’ deep sleep spray fantastic to getting off to sleep. No tech light in the hour before, read a physical book. Also echo the Tv on a timer. I’d also add that I’m awake right now only because of menopause insomnia 😭

@chelle0

Get a cat. I never used to feel alone with my cats. What about a ring doorbell?

Ha ha. Good idea, but maybe not for the reason you mentioned.

I don't live alone but DP works away a lot . Cats make a lot of noise at night, or ours do at least but we have a lot of them (4 of our own plus fostered rescues) so I find I dismiss all those worrying night time noises as 'its just the cat' because it usually is.

But once I was in bed alone and heard some crashing about in the kitchen. I was initially concerned but as it carried on, I thought 'it's definitely the cats, if it was burglars, they would probably be quieter than that' . Cats are known for knocking things off surfaces, so if you're tardy with washing up, putting things away and getting rid of waste food packaging etc, you've left them lots of interesting things to investigate and it's a good chance some of them will end up on the floor.

I had a habit of listening out for noises at night and was convinced my house would be broken into. I have however made myself get used to wearing silicone earplugs to sleep so I don’t hear the usual house creaks and such, and now I don’t worry at all. Perhaps a combination of some security measures mentioned above, a night time routine of locking up etc then wearing earplugs might work for you?

Honestly the best sleep I ever have in my entire life has been when I sleep alone in my home.

I had no clue that would be true, but it turned out to be.

Thought it would be weird but it wasn't at all.

I've lived on my own for most of my life.

Where I am now my front door automatically locks but before that I would lock my front door as I came in.

My back door opens directly into my garden so if it's warm I usually have that open until bed time.

I think a bed time routine does help, so check all doors and windows are locked, have a bath or a hot chocolate, get into PJs go to bed.

Burglars are normally looking for easy money, a place that is easy to get into and out of and they are more likely to find that in the day.

When DH goes away I sleep very well, probably better

When I lived on my own, I got a security camera on the front and back (I wanted it anyway as I travel for my job so I could check up on the house). I found that v comforting and it stopped me worrying about people being in the house!

If you are super worried, you can also get a v loud klaxon like alarm thing to sound if someone gets in that will wake up all your neighbours. I didn't have one but a friend of mine did (she was worried that she wouldn't be able to scream - she had been attacked on the street before).

I once spent 91 nights away from my husband, overseas on secondment, and slept like a baby!

Ring Doorbell on the front and a Ring Camera in the back garden - both connected to my phone and Alexa so I’d get woken by any movement etc. I sleep very well.

I could probably benefit from a bedtime routine anyway so there’s no harm in me working on that.

Location wise, I worry more about someone coming in the front of the house (which when I think rationally about it - they’re more likely to be seen so it wouldn’t be their best idea ) the house does feels quite dark and exposed at the back so will definitely be looking into some type of security light.

I was like this before. I could never sleep in DP was away,was up all night worrying.

He had to start working away from home 5 years ago. The first week he went away, I was very sick and on medication which made me drowsy and I slept like a baby. Came off the meds and because I had got through the first few nights, I was fine from then on. I now love my few nights a week of sleeping on my own.