If you live alone, do you sleep well?

[Fjmb]

I shall shortly be living alone and am worried about how I will be able to sleep.

I tend to listen for every single noise and get up numerous times in the night to check the house. I am most worried that someone will break in . When I’m alone at home this intensifies and some nights (like tonight) I just can’t relax enough to sleep, I spend the whole night constantly listening then checking the whole house. I only begin to feel calmer once it starts getting light outside (by them it’s too late because then I have to get up for work). I am much better if someone else is in the house but that’s not an option soon.

Is there anything I can do? If you live alone are you able to sleep? How do you do it?

I have a dog, the biggest advantages are:

• I need to walk her so I am more tired and relaxed at the end of the day
• she barks if there is someone near the door so, if there are strange noises I know I can ignore them for as long as the dog doesn’t bark.
• she also gets blamed for a big part of the noise do instead of checking every sound I just fall asleep again thinking “ it must have been the dog”
• But most importantly she is really good at keeping me company.

I don’t know why you are starting to live alone but, if you are coming out of a bad relationship, you may find yourself sleeping like a baby once he moves out and you don’t spend so much time stressed or living in full alert.

If you are around menopausal age, magnesium can really make a difference to your sleep.

I lived alone for two years and absolutely loved it. I never experienced that sort of anxiety though.

I've lived alone since ds went to uni and sleep so much better now he's not here! The general noise of him pottering around after I've gone to bed used to disturb my sleep - maybe it was a throwback to the days when I was alert to noises when he was small 🤷‍♀️
I do have front and back cctv cameras (ds is very techie) and a garden floodlight on a sensor but to be honest I rarely look at them.

I used to be just like you. I fitted a big bolt on the back of the bedroom door and for years could only sleep when me and my children were in my room with the door bolted. Then as the children got older and moved in to their own rooms I have been able to sleep without the door being bolted.

So definitely a bolt on your bedroom door, at least to get you over the initial hump of getting used to being on your own.

I think it's common to feel a bit anxious sleeping in a house on your won if you're not use to it but you do get use to it and stop feeling anxious. I've lived alone for quite a lot of my adult life and I sleep very well.

I have good door and window security. I will put windows on locking latches at night during the summer but I don't sleep with the windows open. I have motion sensor lights outside my house, a gavel drive and a canine visitor alert. I make sure my phone always has sufficient charge and is next to the bed at night. My doors are always locked even during the day.

You can buy wireless door and window motion sensors fairly cheaply (about £20 per unit) on Amazon which don't require specialist skills to install, they sound an alarm if a door or window is open.

You''ll get use to living alone and at some point you might even shudder at the thought of living with anyone again.

One thing to bear in mind is that when you live alone, you know exactly what noise is normal for your home. There is no one else moving around. For example, I lived in central London where it was always noisy and would sleep through banging in the street etc. One night I woke up to something and when I investigated a picture had fallen off the wall. My sub-conscious knew that noise was local and not normal. You will get to know your own space and might like the way you have control of it. Bedtime routines do help with that. It’s also helpful when it’s only you that follows it as you can trust yourself.

@chelle0

Get a cat. I never used to feel alone with my cats. What about a ring doorbell?

My cat used to make spooky noises in the middle of the night, like a child whimpering

Think about something like a CD player or Audible subscription for audiobooks at night and chose calming stories. If you listen to stories rather than music at night as you go to sleep then your brain isn’t overthink other things like noises, etc. I use this and chose books I have read before so I don’t need to listen to the story to keep up as I know the plot already.
Also small plug in night lights can be helpful so there is enough light to see if you do hear a noise and want to check. I also have cats too. They are very independent pets if you get ones that go outdoors.

When I started living alone I made myself a promise not to investigate every little noise, and not to check around the house before bed etc (obviously I check doors are locked but I don’t check wardrobes or other rooms). I realised that if I got into the habit of checking places it might become a habit I couldn’t stop.
Now 10 years on I don’t ever worry about things like that. As a previous poster said, you will learn what noises are normal for your house. The other night I woke up to a noise but quickly realised that my neighbour was obviously up in the middle of the night, which is not usual but also nothing for me to worry about! Most sounds have a rational and non-scary explanation.

Keep a sledgehammer and a pot of pepper by the bed.

When I lived in the same house as another person and another person was away on holiday I was a bit scared, but when I had to live alone I just got used to it.

If you install security lights, please, please don't have anti-wild-life-pro-light-pollution ones. Please have ones which work on a sensor.

I sleep like a log but then I've always lived on my own. I struggle to share a bedroom let alone a bed! I don't have any security features.

@emmathedilemma

I sleep like a log but then I've always lived on my own. I struggle to share a bedroom let alone a bed! I don't have any security features.

Same here.

Try listening to audiobooks through your phone, set to shut off in 15-20 minutes. Nothing exciting; Miss Marple or Agatha Raisin or a romance; just something to keep your mind mildly occupied and lulled to sleep.

Or, find rain/ocean wave etc sounds via YouTube.

@chelle0

Get a cat. I never used to feel alone with my cats. What about a ring doorbell?

Don’t... you will never get any sleep! Mine runs around the house like mad night! She Makes the loudest noise I have to lock her out of my room as she seems to come alive at night. If I don’t let her in my room then she stands outside the door meowing all night.

Sleep with background noise on- then you can’t hear the little noises. I live alone and sleep like a baby however I am in a block and it has secure entry and I have always felt safe where I am

I loved having cats. They did sometimes make noise at night, especially when they were young. So many hours of entertainment; I was never happier living on my own. One night though one of them stepped on the remote control in the middle of the night. I’ve never been so scared 😂

I had to be alone a lot last year because I was sick. One of my cats was super cuddly. He slept with me a lot, followed me everywhere and even insisted on eating with me. It’s like he knew we were both sick (he died recently). Amazing company. I almost don’t want to bother finding a man sometimes. I just want cats.

My DH has always worked away from home, he's only here two weeks in every four months, I sleep fine.
However, if you're nervous then have locks fitted to your interior doors, they can make a big difference to your mindset.
Consider having a radio playing quietly in your bedroom with a station that's more chat than music, such as radio five etc.

After my DH died, I became near-obsessed with security, but never about just being in the house or at night. To be sure over the years I increased some aspects of home security, so look at that to help you.

I now always sleep with the bedroom door open, I don't know why, the closed door feels stifling. I can hear everything in the house too. So can my 26kg dog who sleeps on my bed and would hurl himself at any intruder. By the way, I don't recommend getting a dog for this purpose.

Years ago, a friend who had always lived in higher-storey flats/with others, bought a house and wanted to get a dog as she was so worried about being burgled. She asked me what I thought and I said give it a year, and see how you feel then, as dog is such commitment. She did, and later said it was the best advice she'd had. She got used to the noises of the house and was able to relax.

Excellent advice upthread about basic security to help ease your mind.

Could you afford to try CBT?

It’s anxiety that you have. Doorbells etc helpful, but it’s managing your thoughts that will make a re difference.