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Original poster

Not wearing engagement ring

38 replies

Rosesara · 11/04/2022 23:26

Hi everyone

I got engaged 15 years ago, quite young, my husband I went to a high street jewellers and I showed him a few of the rings I liked, particularly three stone rings.

He then later proposed with what he was told by the sales assistant was a three stone ring. It wasn't its lots of tiny chips to look like a three stone ring! I was so happy to be engaged and the effort he'd gone too, I loved it at the time but I've had some quite spiteful comments about it over the years. He isn't a low earner. The ring was around £600,his take home pay was around £3200 a month and is quite a bit more now.

Ive worn it all these years and really don't like it much anymore, dirt gets between the gaps, it constantly needs rhodium coating. It's just a pain.

I would be happy to just wear my wedding ring (I love it) but he makes a big drama if he notices I'm not wearing my engagement ring.

How can I aproach this. I don't want to offend him but wearing the ring just bugs me.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 11/04/2022 23:28

Who has made spiteful comments?

Original poster
Rosesara · 11/04/2022 23:30

An ex boyfriend said "he can't think much of you if he bought you that" I also had a few condescending "oh that's pretty" comments.

OP posts:
Wombat98 · 11/04/2022 23:31

I don't even wear my wedding ring, never worn my engagement ring. I'd be very unhappy if I was told to wear it or there was any drama about it.

Get a nice eternity ring if you want more bling. It's a symbol of love not wealth.

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Original poster
Rosesara · 11/04/2022 23:33

I have an eternity ring. I actually just like wearing my wedding ring though. Its very slim and reminds me of my nans which is why I picked! But my husband gets so offended if he notices I'm not wearing my engagement ring! It's just not to my taste anymore.

OP posts:
ElenaSt · 11/04/2022 23:34

Spiteful comments? How utterly dreadful. I hope you’ve cut those who made such comments out of your life.

You can either tell him straight that you sou don’t want to wear it anymore because you have gone off the style or you be duplicitous and ‘lose’ it and then choose a new one in a design you do like.

Is the distancing of any sentimentality about the ring a symbol of waning interest in your relationship?

SilverHairedCat · 11/04/2022 23:37

Suggest you have it remade for an anniversary?

Original poster
Rosesara · 11/04/2022 23:37

We've had our ups and downs but in a good place now. I just don't want to wear a ring that's not to my taste anymore daily without hurting his feelings.

OP posts:
jimmydodgers · 11/04/2022 23:38

Can you tell him the truth? When you got it you were so in love with it but as times passed and fashions change it's no longer really your taste and perhaps if you'd a big birthday/ wedding anniversary you would like a new one?

Ridiculous I know but I picked my engagement ring DH thought it was too cheap and we should spend more I said I'd rather not as fashions change so much it'll look dated in a decade and by that point I'd rather get a new one than spend an extreme amount now and have to wear it for a lifetime.

ElenaSt · 11/04/2022 23:41

Does he wear a watch every day and if so is it the same one he has worn for fifteen years?

That I suppose could be your argument if he has a completely different t every day watch now.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 11/04/2022 23:45

I don't get the whole ring thing, can't stand wearing them they annoy me. I'd just tell him it's getting damaged so you'd prefer not to wear it and risk damaging it more. You're happy wearing just your wedding ring and will be doing that from now on.

HeddaGarbled · 11/04/2022 23:59

There are two issues here:

  1. Whether you like the ring in itself.
  1. Your resentment that he didn’t spend enough on it.

Anyone who made spiteful comments about your engagement ring were being dicks and deliberately trying to upset you. I hope they are long gone from your life.

You’ve had the ring for 15 years and still remember what his take home pay was at the time. That’s not normal and suggests a worrying level of grudge-bearing.

If you like the ring, wear it. If you don’t like it, don’t wear it.

If you want a new ring, buy yourself one. If you can’t afford to buy yourself nice jewellery while your husband has lots of money that he has sole control over, that’s a different issue entirely, and should be addressed separately.

fallfallfall · 12/04/2022 00:49

i have lots of issues with my engagement ring, old hx, discontent, disappointment.
i've not been good at explaining it all to my dh of 40+ years. and my issues go back to my childhood and my mothers engagement ring if you can believe that!!
finally this year i changed the ring situation and dh hasn't questioned it, i went with the "i was young when i chose it and it's no longer a style i like" "i should never have fallen for the sales pitch".
being that i liked my wedding band, i now have my wedding band redone in a much grander size that is better suited to my hand and life.
but please tell your husband and discuss what ever pain is associated with it. i did try to reset the stone and that sadly didn't feel right, it wasn't mine either. the upgraded band however is perfect.
good luck

CockingASnook · 12/04/2022 00:59

If you’ve been together that long, just be direct with him about why you don’t wear the ring. You don’t have to say you don’t like it but that it doesn’t suit you any more. You wouldn’t wear an unflattering 15-year-old pair of shoes.

Motherdare · 12/04/2022 01:08

I love my engagement ring. However I only wear it for dressing up these days. Day to day it’s either nothing or my wedding ring if I can see it lying around as I’m going out the door. Always remove it when come home. I just never got into the habit of wearing them. I’m not a ring person. These are the only two I own.

JaneJeffer · 12/04/2022 01:33

Just lose it somewhere.

DSGR · 12/04/2022 01:36

Just tell him you don’t like it and want a new one!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 12/04/2022 01:40

15 years is a long time. I’m surprised the jeweller hasn’t suggested getting it reset. Perhaps you could ask them about it next time you are there?

And, after 15 years, perhaps you could incorporate another stone as a celebration of the events you have shared together? Perhaps the small stones could be set into the shoulder of the ring or around a new solitaire? Who knows what you and a jewellery designer could come up with?!?

Wombat98 · 12/04/2022 11:43

Let him be offended, he'll get over it.

If he doesn't, you have bigger issues in that he'll let you be uncomfortable for what I assume are ego or insecurity issues.

SoupDragon · 12/04/2022 11:51

Tell him you love it for what it represents and the sentiment behind it but your tastes have changed.

mrziggycoco · 12/04/2022 12:28

@Rosesara

An ex boyfriend said "he can't think much of you if he bought you that" I also had a few condescending "oh that's pretty" comments.
Oh come on. Why are you speaking to your ex boyfriend and more so why are you taking anything he says to heart?

I feel bad for your other half. So he didn't wan to spend thousands on a meaningless gem? He sounds smart to me.

StrangeCondition · 12/04/2022 12:54

It seems you're annoyed he didn't spend more, which is pretty shallow really. What did you buy him?

OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 12:59

I think you have several issues.

Caring too much about what others think. "That's pretty" is only condescending if you're looking for it. I'm sure I've said it about huge rocks.

Feeling dissatisfied, still, after 15 years. It's a ring.

A husband who thinks he gets a say in what you wear and who you can't talk to. Just tell him you prefer to wear your wedding band alone.

BootsScootsAndToots · 12/04/2022 13:00

I have an incredibly plain, fairly cheap, thin wedding band that is all I wear now.

I took my engagement ring off about a year ago and I love the simplicity of my hand now!

Two rings now just feels too much.

Tell your dh you just want a change and he needs to get over it.

NeedleNoodle3 · 12/04/2022 13:07

I don’t wear either of my rings.
In your case I’d just say you’re going to wear it occasionally and ignore any fuss he makes.

Emmelina · 12/04/2022 13:11

If you’re happy not wearing an engagement ring at all, perhaps say it’s beautiful but you’re worried stones will fall out/it’ll get damaged etc if you wear it out because you’ve noticed debris gets in a lot easier now.

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