Not wearing engagement ring

[Rosesara]

Hi everyone

I got engaged 15 years ago, quite young, my husband I went to a high street jewellers and I showed him a few of the rings I liked, particularly three stone rings.

He then later proposed with what he was told by the sales assistant was a three stone ring. It wasn't its lots of tiny chips to look like a three stone ring! I was so happy to be engaged and the effort he'd gone too, I loved it at the time but I've had some quite spiteful comments about it over the years. He isn't a low earner. The ring was around £600,his take home pay was around £3200 a month and is quite a bit more now.

Ive worn it all these years and really don't like it much anymore, dirt gets between the gaps, it constantly needs rhodium coating. It's just a pain.

I would be happy to just wear my wedding ring (I love it) but he makes a big drama if he notices I'm not wearing my engagement ring.

How can I aproach this. I don't want to offend him but wearing the ring just bugs me.

Thanks in advance

Its perfectly fine for you not to like it.
Tell him the truth. Then maybe he will understand.
Most people would opt for replacing is that an option for you?

I now wear a completely different set of engagement ring and wedding band set than when I got married 20 years ago. My tastes have completely changed. I did love my original rings but there were yellow gold and my new rings are silver and titanium so basically a fraction of what my original rings cost.

Dh understands that I wouldn't choose the same sofa or wall paper that we chose over 20 years ago so why would I still be happy with my rings? I still love him, he is my best friend, I don't need to wear the original rings to prove that. Having said that Dh does still wear his wedding ring, he doesn't want to change it as he loves it and is very attached to it. He still understands my point of view about mine though.

Your husband's attitude is weird and slightly controlling.

I only wear mine if we are going out. A plain wedding band alone is far more practical day to day. I actually lost the original stone so had that replaced, I am not keen to risk it again.

Surely he wouldn’t want you to wear something you aren’t happy to do? Just tell him your reasons.

I rarely wear mine.

I would focus on the PITA of getting the rhodium redone and say you'd prefer to keep it for special occasions.

If you can’t have an honest conversation with your husband of 15 without him getting pissy I think you have bigger problems than the ring

I fail to believe that people really made spiteful comments, instead I think that’s what you’re choosing to think because you’re resentful of how much he paid.

I mean, feeling the need to say that he only spent £600 on it when he earned over 3k is bloody shallow. So what if he only spent £600 on it? It’s the thought that counts surely and the reason behind it, not the cost.

And if I found out that my DP was discussing my finances ad income with his ex in regard to how much I was spending on him I’d be reconsidering the relationship.

I think it's odd that it upsets him if you don't wear it. I have an engagement, wedding and eternity ring, all of which I really like (picked them myself) but I rarely bother wearing them and my dh couldn't care less. If he asks tell him the truth, you don't really like the ring and it's a pain to clean.

Tell him, it’s tight and isn’t as nice as once was or pretend to lose it

It's so weird that he gives you a hard time about wearing your engagement ring. You really need to tell him to mind his own business.

Blimey. Who was so rude as to make horrible comments about your ring? I can't imagine anyone being so rude. Surely the meaning behind the ring is as important as its price?

Playing right into your ex boyfriends hands aren't you?

Could you have it re-made/re-modelled or get a new ring for your 15th wedding anniversary? Keep the original stones but arrange them in a slim band to stack with your wedding ring maybe