To tell ex partner your pregnant

[Nellie2022]

NC

One of my friends was pregnant and decided to get rid of the baby without informing her ex. She told us at the time and all of us minded our own business and let her make her own decision. Fast forwarded 3 years later and one of our friends split with their bf and decided to tell our friends ex.

This has lead to the debate what we have done in that situation and wanted to get others options. If you were pregnant would you tell the father and if so why or why not

If I was pregnant and decided to terminate, the decision would be mine alone. My body, my choice. Your gossipy friend was spiteful and vicious to tell the ex.

agree with above. No need for him to ever know if being terminated. Only could lead to unnecessary heartache for one or both parties.

I wouldn’t tell him either if I was certain from the beginning I wanted to terminate. Nothing to do with him.

Friend is a nasty cow.

Nothing to do with him. It's her body.

I know, she is a literal horror. With their exs being friends, my males mates have said how hurt they’d have felt not be told.

From a male perspective - what do they feel they would have gained by being told ?

That’s something I don’t understand.

Yes

It takes 2 to make a baby

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

From a male perspective - what do they feel they would have gained by being told ?

That’s something I don’t understand.

That the child was just as much theirs as the mothers and they should of be included in the conversation

@workingmomlife

Yes

It takes 2 to make a baby

But only one to abort an unwanted pregnancy.

That's the point.

And no, what possible benefit to anyone comes from telling?

That the child was just as much theirs as the mothers and they should of be included in the conversation

It's not a child.

Absolutely not - it’s absolutely her body and her business. The man does not have a “right” to know as he wouldn’t be the one going through the abortion. What on earth would he gain from knowing anyway?

Your friend was nasty to tell. I hope your other friend has decided to ditch her.

Your male friends sound uninformed and maybe a touch self absorbed.

That the child was just as much theirs as the mothers and they should of be included in the conversation
Also, in pregnancy early enough to be aborted, it is not a “child”. And if by “conversation” you mean included in the choice, how would you feel if you were being coerced into keeping a pregnancy that you did not want with a man you did not want to be with?

That the child was just as much theirs as the mothers and they should of be included in the conversation

That’s the problem isn’t it?
The feel They have a say because they are the father. Except we are not talking about a living child but an embryo/foetus. And whether they like it or not, the decision is 100% the woman’s.
If the father was a ex, I wouldn’t want them to have a say or wanting to have their opinion heard. They are an ex for a reason….

What we are talking about here is men wanting to have a say in something that is none of their business.

They won’t be the ones to carry the pregnancy, they won’t the ines to give birth or to be the primary carer for the child for the next 20 years.
They also wont be the ones who go through the termination, the hormone changes etc etc.

And they find it very hard to not have a say at all on whether a woman stays pregnant or not. Even though we are talking about HER body, HER life, HER risks from the pregnancy.
It’s tough to be sidelines isn’t it?

No I absolutely wouldn’t. My body my choice.

Woman’s body, woman’s choice.
And telling the ex bf so long after the fact is just downright nasty. What is the use of him knowing now? Unfair on him, and a gross betrayal of the friend who was pregnant.

I probably would tell them just because I would think they had a right to know
It wouldn't change my decision bit I would still discuss if an amicable break up etc

I wouldn't tell anyone elses partner though

@Nellie2022 I can't quote your last post as it has a quote in it but in response to it... I think at that stage the baby isn't as much theirs as the mothers. They can't force her to keep and endure the pregnancy and birth. The baby is very much her body and for some women telling an ex could put them in a very vulnerable position.
There's literally nothing the Dad can do other then support the mother and if they're ex's I doubt that would happen.

Nope. If I had decided I didn't want to be pregnant, then where is the benefit of telling him?

@Wednesdayafternoon I think that is a valid point.

As female we were split and said it was dependent on the circumstances.

Personally I would as I’d need to tell someone for support and feel it should the ex that got us in that situation. Also if I’ve got the emotional burden they should feel some of that too

I wouldn’t want an ex for emotional support or emotionally involved with what’s happening in my body personally.

I can understand the “it would be his baby too” side of the argument but no, if a woman knows she wants to terminate then I don’t think she has any obligation to inform her Ex of the pregnancy.

Interesting that this post has only attracted females from the assumptions of the comments.

I agree that it is ultimately the females choice as it’s there body but does the same apply if they’re in a relationship

I don’t think she needs to tell him and if I’m being really honest I think most men would be relieved that their ex didn’t continue with a pregnancy, no one really wants to be tied to their ex for 18 years.