To tell ex partner your pregnant

[Nellie2022]

NC

One of my friends was pregnant and decided to get rid of the baby without informing her ex. She told us at the time and all of us minded our own business and let her make her own decision. Fast forwarded 3 years later and one of our friends split with their bf and decided to tell our friends ex.

This has lead to the debate what we have done in that situation and wanted to get others options. If you were pregnant would you tell the father and if so why or why not

I really don't like the word, "females" to describe women. I think it's an Americanism which has travelled. It's dehumanising.

@Nellie2022

Interesting that this post has only attracted females from the assumptions of the comments.

I agree that it is ultimately the females choice as it’s there body but does the same apply if they’re in a relationship

YES

Her body is pregnant. Not his, not theirs. HERS.

@Nellie2022

Interesting that this post has only attracted females from the assumptions of the comments.

I agree that it is ultimately the females choice as it’s there body but does the same apply if they’re in a relationship

Even if the woman is in a relationship with the father she is still not obliged to tell him. It’s still her choice and her choice alone. I had an abortion whilst married and to this day he doesn’t know about it. I have no regrets

I agree that it is ultimately the females choice as it’s there body but does the same apply if they’re in a relationship

I'd be more likely to share within a relationship (because you'd want to have conversations about contraception etc.) but it is the woman's medical information and decision and she is under no obligation at all to share.

Even if the woman is in a relationship with the father she is still not obliged to tell him. It’s still her choice and her choice alone. I had an abortion whilst married and to this day he doesn’t know about it. I have no regrets

My sister did something similar when she was in a LTR. They’ve been together for almost ten years and already had two children together.

She had quite a late termination though, she was about 16 weeks pregnant, but she kept it from him all that time and then ultimately aborted.

Deep down she was very unhappy with him and I think she just couldn’t face having another child with him.

Personally I would as I’d need to tell someone for support and feel it should the ex that got us in that situation. Also if I’ve got the emotional burden they should feel some of that too

That’s an interesting take.
If h was an ex, I certainly would not want to get support from them. It would be a quite event split so everything likely to be raw on both sides. Unlikely to lead to the right type of support.
I would also question whether they would feel any burden at all from the experience tbh.

Well, firstly you both would have got into the situation.

As to sharing an emotional burden with someone you seem to think did get you in that situation yet no longer have a relationship with would, I think, be less burden sharing, more blame and drama.

@100problems

Well, firstly you both would have got into the situation.

As to sharing an emotional burden with someone you seem to think did get you in that situation yet no longer have a relationship with would, I think, be less burden sharing, more blame and drama.

I think it depends on the ex.

For my exs I would tell them but only tell them and not let anyone else know. I don’t think I couldn’t not tell anyone but I think if there is one person it should be them.

I do think some responses on her since men emotional burden in this situation

Depends on the person. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer, only what works for the woman that’s actually going through it.

I would, and indeed did, tell the man involved. Had he been a prolife nutcase however I wouldn’t have entertained him in the first place then fuck no.

I have no idea why this came up on my active. Zombie, sorry.

Well, if it were an actual conversation, a potential rather than a definite, I might listen to input from a partner. Might. If I were sure I was not having a pregnancy, then there is no child and their view is irrelevant.

@workingmomlife But it is the woman who is pregnant and its her body no one has the right to say what she does with it!

I may get flamed for this opinion but until a man can conceive and carry a baby full term and birth it then they may be entitled to a say but until mother nature makes this a possibility then they get no say. Its the woman who has to make that difficult and painful decision to terminate and its the woman who has to have her body taken over by a baby and change their lifestyle until they give birth, men do the fun part the women do the real hard work and no one has the right to tell a woman what she can or can't do with her own body! Its the same for men when/if they decide they don't want anymore children they get a vasectomy and no one has the right to tell them they can or can't including women.

@Nellie2022 your friend sounds like a vindictive bitch telling her ex so your friend's ex finds out about termination and if any friend of mine did that to me they would be an ex friend its none of her business to do that!

I got pregnant by accident (many years ago) by a man who I had just broke up with. It was a horrible surprise. I did not wanted the baby and my ex had moved on to a new relationship and I knew he would be mortified by the news. Nobody wanted this pregnancy. I got counselling right before my abortion and the psychologist advised me to never tell my ex about this because there was no need, plus disclosing the pregnancy to my abuser me would be detrimental for my mental health. Nothing to be gained. I followed my psychologist advice. Got rid of the ex and the pregnancy. Best advice ever.

No regrets.