What happens if you can't afford a funeral?

[OhRiRi]

I have a parent who is at end stage alcoholism after 20+ years of heavy drinking. I've been no contact for the last 5 years, my siblings longer than that. Parent has had no contact from any of their siblings for years, all close friends have cut contact over the years. I'm pretty sure in the event of their death (which feels like it won't be far off), I will be named as next of kin. This was certainly the case when they were able to function and in employment, as the last child to have any kind of relationship.

This person has no savings, owns no property and I believe pensions have been cashed in as a means of laying hands on money. Any life insurance policies will have lapsed through non payment.

What happens when a funeral (or at the very least a straight forward cremation with no ceremony) happens? Who will pay for this? I've always kept the same contact details so my parent could contact me if needed (never has), would the costs come down to me? What if I can't afford it?

I'd welcome any advice. I've just had to arrange a welfare check as the neighbours have been in touch to say they've noticed the bins haven't been being put out for several months

The ultimate responsibility falls to the local authority if the estate has no funds or if the family are unable or unwilling to foot the bill, but that’ll be for the most basic funeral and often, somewhat cruelly, councils don’t even tell any surviving relatives when or where it will be

www.funeralguide.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/what-is-a-paupers-funeral-public-health-funerals-explained

This happened to us (very similar situation.) The council arranged everything, and paid for everything. There was a simple ceremony and cremation - it was no different to many others I've been to. It was a huge comfort at a very stressful time.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. As above, a cremation would be arranged by the local authority. I don't believe that you would be entitled to collect ashes or have any say on where they are put to rest.

I’m a parish minister, in Scotland, and yes, as pp says, the local authority cover the costs of a basic funeral service. There is no fee for a minister to take any funeral service here, and on the two occasions I’ve taken a council funded service I have liaised with the family and they were able to be present at the service. I suspect the extent to which family can be involved will vary from area to area, and the people involved in making the arrangements.

I was in a very similar situation to you with my dad. He was an alcoholic, lost everything and died penniless.

The LA arranged a funeral and cremation - my sister and I were NC but as his only living relatives, were able to have some say in music/readings etc.

The only caveat was that the ashes had to be scattered on the crematorium grounds (under supervision).

I'm not sure if rules vary between LA's. This fell under Brighton and Hove. They couldn't have been more sympathetic and understanding.

I've had to arrange LA funded funerals on a couple of occasions. It's the most basic cremation you could have. The ashes are scattered in a public cemetery. The LA bears the cost.

Thank you everyone, thats reassured me a bit. I've spent the last 15 years trying to recover my own financial situation from bailing this parent out for rent arrears and other debts I paid off over the years (purely as i I had a much younger sibling living at the address at the time) at my own financial detriment, so although I'm now in the black at long last, the only real savings are all in my child's name as we've been regularly saving their disability benefit for future needs and haven't yet started our own savings pot.

To be honest, regardless of financial situation and who pays, I think we'd all (siblings and I) probably arrange an unattended basic cremation. I wouldn't want to attend a service personally, and I'm not sure they would either. My parent's other family members have never bothered with them in life over the last 20 years, so it'd be a little hypocritical to do so in death. Any ashes would be scattered in the local crematorium anyway as that would be my parents wish- their partners ashes are also there.

What a sad way to live

If you or them get benefits you can apply for a 1000£ grant towards the funeral.
www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility

Well in our case the deceased person had nothing. (Actually owed a lot to the dwp)
The family took on a lot of debt between them which took years to pay off
Nothing was said by the funeral director about the council paying - wasn’t mentioned and the family didn’t know this
Actually there was a lot of pressure on the family to ‘find’ the money
Awful at a time of mixed emotions.

My experience is that there will be pressure put on by the LA but you need to hold firm. Here one LA offers a basic service with attendance but the next one along doesn’t even tell anyone when it’s been done.

I'm sorry @OhRiRiOhRiRi that you are having to face this, it is a horrible thing to deal with and you are doing the right thing thinking about it in advance.
A public health funeral arrangements will vary according to the local council or NHS that is funding/arranging it. Some are lovely and understanding and involve relatives and others take a hard view that if you are not paying you have no involvement in the arrangement etc here is the government guidance, you might find it helpful - www.gov.uk/government/publications/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance
Some local authorities will try to convince/guilt you to 'take responsibility' for the arrangement but take care as when you enter into a contract with a funeral director the money owed becomes your debt and they will chase you for payment. As you mentioned that you have had debt problems in the past please think really carefully before agreeing, if you don't think you can afford to repay without causing yourself and your children hardship.
One of the downsides of a PH funeral is that the council will take any assets to offset against the cost, so there will be no 'family heirlooms' passed on but from what you've said in PP it doesn't sound like you think this is likely anyway.
I hope you manage the situation without guilt as it sounds as though you have tried to help a lot over the years and allso have a chance to grieve when the time comes

The council will pay for a paupers funeral if no relatives come forward and there is no money in the estate.

You could investigate one of the direct cremation options if your siblings would be happy to all chip in , they are a reasonable cost .

Hi, as above, I found myself in this situation, coroner's office lovely until I said I wanted no involvement and then was definitely prickly. I was not allowed to know when the cremation took place or what happened to the ashes. After the initial guilt it was a massive relief as was something I had worried about for years.

@Dumplingfromdevonshire

I'm sorry *@OhRiRiOhRiRi* that you are having to face this, it is a horrible thing to deal with and you are doing the right thing thinking about it in advance. A public health funeral arrangements will vary according to the local council or NHS that is funding/arranging it. Some are lovely and understanding and involve relatives and others take a hard view that if you are not paying you have no involvement in the arrangement etc here is the government guidance, you might find it helpful - www.gov.uk/government/publications/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance Some local authorities will try to convince/guilt you to 'take responsibility' for the arrangement but take care as when you enter into a contract with a funeral director the money owed becomes your debt and they will chase you for payment. As you mentioned that you have had debt problems in the past please think really carefully before agreeing, if you don't think you can afford to repay without causing yourself and your children hardship. One of the downsides of a PH funeral is that the council will take any assets to offset against the cost, so there will be no 'family heirlooms' passed on but from what you've said in PP it doesn't sound like you think this is likely anyway. I hope you manage the situation without guilt as it sounds as though you have tried to help a lot over the years and allso have a chance to grieve when the time comes

Thank you for your kind comment.

I think I almost feel guilty because I don't feel any guilt. I'm also very practical and for me once someone has died, it's just a body to dispose of. Absolutely with other relatives, there's been a service, a wake and people to invite, but I'm not going to help write a eulogy about how wonderful someone was when actually, they weren't. I always struggled picking cards for special occasions as the sentiments just sounded sarcastic. I've already grieved the loss of the relationship and actually my own mental health has never never better since cutting contact and going through that process.

The direct cremation would be the best option if you and your siblings were organising it then. There's no service that way. Or say it'll have to be the council basic funeral. If you wouldn't want to be there anyway it doesn't matter if they are one of those councils who won't give you a date and time.

My parent died without savings. We paid for a ‘direct cremation’ as we didn’t want a public ‘do’ anyway, but due to one of the benefits they were on, we were able to reclaim the costs.

We were able to arrange whatever we liked, and even with direct cremation you can choose some music that they will play and or to have some flowers.

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility

I think we claimed on behalf of one parent (they have no capacity), eligible because both were on pension credit.

A direct cremation is around 1700 quid I think. It's pretty straightforward.

Ours was under £1k.

Is there a charge for undertaker fees if you don't use a funeral director?

Just had a call from the person I spoke to yesterday to make the concern for welfare report, asking for a contact number for the neighbour to find out when my parent was last actually seen alive. There's been no answer on the door or phone.

Very sad situation OP.

Our fee was to the undertaker / funeral director, and included collection of the body, holding the body, transportation of body to crem, and crem fees.

Sorry to read of what you are facing and the advice of others I am glad to see has been useful.

I had an alcoholic uncle who died in his early 60s after many years drinking, and his funeral was attended by 8 people. I would not wish that on anyone, and your view of an unattended cremation is one I think is appropriate, instead of what could be seen as hypocrisy.

I'm so sorry you are having to think about this. You will need to think with your head not your heart. You don't have to accept responsibility, you really don't have to be Next of Kin.

Any funeral grant is based on YOUR income and any benefits YOU claim. Once you accept liability that is a binding decision.

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility this link may help.

This is the Co-ops Direct Cremation service;
www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/funeral-services/direct-cremation?&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~567674008500~kw~co%20op%20funeral%20direct%20cremation~mt~e~cmp~*+Brand+-+%5BCWC%5D+-+%5BSCT%5D+-+%5BE%5D~ag~(CAT:Brand)+(SUB+CAT:CWC)+(Exact)+/co+op+funeral+direct+cremation&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxNGn9NCQ9wIVhoBQBh3jtQz_EAAYASAAEgK-afD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds