I regret moving (back) to Australia

[GreenestGrass]

DP and I are both Australian. We did the typical young person thing of living in the UK and had the opportunity to extend our stay through work sponsorships and make it a more permanent move. For various reasons we decided to come back home to Australia, but as time goes by both of us feel increasingly regretful of our decision for a few reasons:

-Lower cost of living. I'm not saying living in the UK is cheap but my goodness, Australia is expensive. It really hit home for us when we moved back and were hit with prices for things.
-Lifestyle - we absolutely loved being able to travel easily and the access to different parts of the world. Australia feels so far away from everywhere and again, travelling internationally from here is super expensive. Cities in Australia also feel quite 'samey' and lacking character in comparison to the UK.
-Professional opportunities - with the much smaller population size, professional opportunities here in Australia just can't compare to what we had over there.

These are just a few of the reasons but overall we just preferred living there to here, and now there's not much we can do about it as it's unlikely we'd be able to start over again and also get the work permissions we'd need to legally work in the UK again.

Has anyone ever felt similar regrets? I'm doing my best to enjoy the things life in Australia has to offer but it does feel like we missed our chance a bit here :(

I can answer your question from my perspective, having lived in Sydney for a few years. I think what Australia is missing is the breadth of things to do. Whereas in the UK, even in smaller towns and cities there might be a range of hobbies or things to get involved with, from photography clubs to amdram or choirs, in Australia there seemed to be far fewer options.

Far fewer options???? I find that hard to believe. I don't live in Australia, but I am in NZ and there are numerous things people can get involved in, from photography clubs, to amdram or choirs, and many others. I live in a rural town and there is an extremely long list of clubs and societies here, and even the town I grew up in - which was very small - had many. I really can't believe Australia is so different.

The sea is free. Cultural activities are really expensive in the UK unless you visit museums. So that’s a factor.

@SquirrelG

Agree with @zafferana, why are a few posters citing 'kids can get to regularly swim in the open sea' as a reason to emigrate to Australia? confused

The UK is surrounded by bloody sea.

Because kids in many parts of Australia can swim in the sea all the time, not just the one or two hot days you get in the UK? As a pp said, why is it any more strange than saying you want to bring up kids in the UK because of "culture"? And kids in this part of the world want to do more than "paddle" in the sea.

Some people apparently can't live without old buildings, theatre etc. - others want sunshine, warmth and an outdoors life.

You really can be outdoors here, even without a beach.

It’s not that different.

@SquirrelG

I can answer your question from my perspective, having lived in Sydney for a few years. I think what Australia is missing is the breadth of things to do. Whereas in the UK, even in smaller towns and cities there might be a range of hobbies or things to get involved with, from photography clubs to amdram or choirs, in Australia there seemed to be far fewer options.

Far fewer options???? I find that hard to believe. I don't live in Australia, but I am in NZ and there are numerous things people can get involved in, from photography clubs, to amdram or choirs, and many others. I live in a rural town and there is an extremely long list of clubs and societies here, and even the town I grew up in - which was very small - had many. I really can't believe Australia is so different.

Have you lived in the UK too? Because I have and in my experience there is much much more going on there than in NZ and more choice. There are things going on in NZ too, of course there are, but there is a lot more making with what's on offer, or making it happen yourself. A lot of the hobbies / community organisations seen to get by rather than thrive. The exception is sport. I'm in one of NZ's bigger urban centres.

I'm not Australian, but came to the Uk on a working visa. Met my husband in my 2nd year.

I haven't lived 'back home' for 20 years. Things have changed a lot from when I was growing up. I'm easy going and am fully settled.

I do sometimes miss 'home' and of course I miss all my family, but I am happily settled and we are used to our life. I'm used to the the Scottish cold now

@Puppylucky

Hi *@skybluee* I can answer your question from my perspective, having lived in Sydney for a few years. I think what Australia is missing is the breadth of things to do. Whereas in the UK, even in smaller towns and cities there might be a range of hobbies or things to get involved with, from photography clubs to amdram or choirs, in Australia there seemed to be far fewer options.

I'm staggered. All the things you mention are within 2ks of my house in Melbourne, and are similar for all the older suburbs. I say older, because the newer suburbs won't have had time to grow these.

Australia's very isolation meant that amndram in particular is very rich in talent, and of a high standard.

If I were you OP I would do my utmost to move back to the UK because I don't think you'll be content

@SquirrelG here in the Lakes people swim outdoors all the time even in winter. We paddle-board, kayak, sail…you name it. I swim in the sea too, all year round. Our kids are taught specifically how to swim in open water too, they have classes at school so that they can acclimatise to cold water swimming and be aware how different it is to swimming in a pool or the sea.

Fascinating read of experiences. I'm an Aussie living in UK. Not lived there for 20 years. I felt I didn't belong when I first arrived here but now I have the opposite feeling when going back to Oz. It's difficult finding your tribe in a completely new country and I think my accent initially made me stand out as different. Now, I have all but lost my accent and when I go to Oz people think I'm english and do treat me as an outsider.

OP, I think time and being tuned in to what's going on politically, in pop culture and having knowledge of your immediate area (best restaurants, bars, places to go for hobbies/interests) is a huge part of belonging. Try to make an effort to get to know people and don't say the UK is better even if you think that. If you have kids in the future this will certainly give you great opportunities to meet new people through the nursery/school.

Pressed too soon.
Contented in Australia.
If it's really never going to be feasible, respectfully, you need to change your attitude and learn to embrace the differences and positives, rather than emphasising the perceived negatives. Otherwise you're going to spend your life being a bit miserable!

@boronia

Pressed too soon. Contented in Australia. If it's really never going to be feasible, respectfully, you need to change your attitude and learn to embrace the differences and positives, rather than emphasising the perceived negatives. Otherwise you're going to spend your life being a bit miserable!

This reminded me of advice given by a Pom to my late DH when we moved to Australia: don't compare. They were talking in particular about prices, but it holds good for so much.

This is very good advice once you're there.

I live in Melbourne. It is absolutely teeming with theatre, music, comedy, arthouse movies, art galleries and more. A small country town would not be. It is not helpful to generalise about life in Australia as the differences between city and rural and between states are significant.

the thing is if you live in London nowhere in Australia is going to compare in terms of cultural options- eg gigs/theatre/art galleries/museums etc - i'm not sure if anyone claiming Melbourne is teeming with options has ever compared to London -or even to be honest a smaller city in the UK - I'm trying to take my son to the theatre over easter and there is so little choice.
So if you were really into theatre etc -Australia is not going to offer you the lifestyle you want - But equally if you love spending time outside- swimming and surfing everyday then the Uk isn't the place- in reality most people like a mixture. What you need to focus on is enjoying the stuff that is better in the place you are rather than focusing on the things that are worse. the problem is that when you have lived in more than one country it is easier to compare and also you are less committed to where you are as you potentially have other options

This huge variety of theatre in london comparison all seems moot to me now I have small dc. Travel was great in london but once I had small dc the amount of times I get to the galleries and theatre mean there is quite sufficient variety here. I got to the tate london at 39 weeks pregnant and again ASAP once I was back at work nearby, the tate st Ives on holiday for a blissful solo tour while Dh took dc to the beach, and that’s about it, much less other galleries. I have a list as long as my arm of galleries and events I’d love to go to in melbourne, it’s just a case of energy and time and what to do with the 2 young dc and tiny baby.

And, having them able to jump on our huge trampoline and play on the climbing frame and generally in the backyard means a peaceful coffee while feeding the baby, from my new coffee machine, finally replacing the london one I ditched when I had to accept that adding a baby meant no bench space for a coffee machine. Definitely pros and cons. Would absolutely love to go back, but life is better here for us.

I actually really feel like I did a good compromise. We lived in London Pre kids so I did all the theatre, galleries, Borough market, exhibitions, trips to France, Greece, Switzerland, America etc. Then we moved to Aus, had kids a couple of years later and their childhood was so flipping easy over here. Beach, park, water play, sitting in the garden, bucket and spade holidays a short drive away etc.
Now they’re older I suspect they’d be fine in either. We travel back to the U.K. once or twice a year, so they get to see the history and culture of another country so they don’t miss out on that.
Then when they leave school DH and I will be semi retired and plan to travel, stay a couple of months in various places so we get to see the world that way too.
I think also for us the flight doesn’t seem that dramatic - friends who live in the U.K. seem to fear flying with kids more than a couple of hours but because ours are used to it, they just settle in, headphones on, sweets out, sleep, watch films etc.
When we flew to Switzerland they couldn’t believe it only took a couple of hours!
Anyways, the good thing is, we all like our own places and obviously feel a little protective when people say they couldn’t ever live there (even though we might think it), but if we all liked the same things then those places would be super busy so it’s good that we all spread out.

If you’re travelling people flights of a couple of hours are almost more trouble than they’re worth - I personally think 6-8 hours is a good minimum flight time once you’re not nursing an infant or cajoling a toddler the whole time. When you are it’s a bit more of a hassle and I have to admit I don’t actively lover 24 hours flying but it’s certainly doable. I dream about taking 24 hour flights solo again!!! Well, Dh or my children if adult can come, if they're good

What an interesting thread. I have loads of family in Aus - mainly Melbourne and Brissy - including my mum who emigrated 20 years ago. DH and I did a year pre-kids in Sydney, my mum would have loved us to stay but we weren't into it. I think the main reason was feeling really far and cut off from our friends. The time difference means you're never on the same vibe when you're speaking. We'd lived in Spain before Oz and missed that feeling of having so much to see on your doorstep. I was also amazed at how quiet places seemed. We lived pretty near the centre of Sydney- Surrey Hills - and by 1 in the morning, it would feel pretty quiet. Also I was a pescatarian when living there and really struggled to find stuff to eat outside of big cities.

But I can really see the advantage of bringing up kids there with beach and outdoor lifestyle. My cousins all just seem wealthier than people in the UK. One is a teacher and owns 2 houses, another works in a supermarket and also owns 2 properties. Also DM is about to retire and her Aussie pension is 3 times what the UK one is - just basic state without other benefits. I don't think house prices are that bad outside Sydney. DM has a 3 bedroom place in a nice suburb in Brissy but wouldn't be able to get even a 1 bedroom flat near me if she sold and moved back.

So tricky.

I agree @Stokey it is quieter at night. By and large, Sydney people are more inclined to be up early, exercising, surfing etc. I remember when we first moved over and we’d be jetlagged, going for a walk around the city at 5.30am and it’s full of people out jogging, doing PT sessions, heading to the gym etc. Eye opening after London!
Even working in the city Pre kids, we would often be home by 11 as people had plans for their weekends.

I'm possibly a bit influenced by all the drunken dh tales on Mumsnet but I think the drinking culture has diminished significantly in Australia. Fewer blind drunk people falling out of clubs etc.

I've lived in mainland Europe, South Africa and South East Asia for a few years at a time, those overly defensive of my comments. I still maintain that if you choose to move to the other side of the world, permanently, from the rest of your family there will be an impact somewhere. Though it seems like saying that touches many nerves.

I just value my relationships and my kids' relationships with family, extended family and close friends over sun and beaches.

For those that day "how sad" or "but you can travel" or "how strange" 🤷‍♀️ we are all different. Why should my opinions affect your choices?

Also, no one could have predicted a worldwide pandemic. That's what I meant by saying I would have hated to be in Australia then. Nothing about Covid affecting the country day to day, everything to do with being trapped and unable to leave the country.

For me, other reasons include being it being too hot, too intolerant of e.g. asylum seekers, too casually racist "bloody abbos" and too misogynistic.

Again: I'm one person so why tf do people care what I think?

By and large, Sydney people are more inclined to be up early, exercising, surfing etc

This is true where I live as well in QLD, although I don’t deliberately usually get up that early. Loads of people swim and surf before work, some kids before school. Lots of joggers and walkers along the beach front.

And yes, I know that people swim and surf and at the beach all year round in the UK as well, but the much warmer weather and sea and accessibility do make this more of a typical Aussie experience.

It may partly be be used in summer it’s too hot to exercise during the main part of the day.

Just remembered that another thing I missed was the "walking" culture. Again everything to do with the weather and space but people generally drive everywhere in Australia. When dd1 was tiny I took her to visit DM is Brissy. I'd try and go out for walks with her in the buggy and the pavement would often just end and you'd be forced on to the road. I'm used to walking everywhere in London so did miss that.

@StartupRepair

I'm possibly a bit influenced by all the drunken dh tales on Mumsnet but I think the drinking culture has diminished significantly in Australia. Fewer blind drunk people falling out of clubs etc.

Australia is a bit of a nanny state, in fairness. Sydney absolutely destroyed its night time industry with lockout.

When I first moved to the UK I absolutely marvelled at how you could stand on the pavement with a beer in a glass (not plastic) AND people could smoke (I don’t smoke).

It also took me a few years to stop glancing over my shoulder for a copper hidden in a bush every time I jaywalked.

On the other hand, no one litters, people don’t really speed and you don’t see half the annoying but unpunished traffic offences (eg parking on a corner) that you do here.