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Original poster

Scar on child's face - mum guilt

42 replies

GuyDiamond · 03/04/2022 19:47

I posted this in children's health, but not sure it gets a lot of traffic!

Feeling a bit crap about this and in need of a hand hold if I'm honest.

When my now 6 year old was 4, she fell over and cut her head. It didn't look bad at the time, she had done similar before and it had healed no bother, so I thought no more about it - idiot that I am.

It has now turned into a silvery scar between her eyebrows Sad. I obviously feel like shit about this, as I should have taken her to have it stitched or glued.

It's a shallow scar, about 1.5 cm long and right in the middle, between her eyebrows. She doesn't seem to even notice it and certainly hasn't said anything negative about it. She doesn't seem to know it's there.

I am wondering if I should take her to the GP to see if the appearance of it can be reduced a bit, in case she doesn't like the way it looks when she gets older. But I obviously don't want to point it out to her as if it's a negative thing. So I'm reluctant to trot her off to the GP for something she hasn't noticed or mentioned and that doesn't seem to be bothering her. But at the same time, I don't want to leave it too long so they can't do anything about it...

Wwyd? Should I leave it or see a doctor about it? We have private health care for the kids through dh work, so even though the GP might not want to do much with it, we may be able to see a dermatologist or someone.

Or am I being way ott? If so, I blame mum guilt for all.

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 03/04/2022 19:49

It will stretch and fade to nothing oner the next couple of years. I really would not worry.

ErmIDontKnow · 03/04/2022 19:50

I think your feeling way to guilty and the older she gets and the more she grows the scar will get smaller. You could always use bio oil on ber scar if it made you feel better. Is it bio oil? That stuff they tell pregnant woman to use when their pregnant?

I understand the guilt, when my 5 year old was 2 he was having a tempter tantrum and head butted the stairs in frustration, his 2 front teeth have always been a shade darker than the rest of his teeth since then, I cant wait until they fall out and his adult teeth come through

Anna197264 · 03/04/2022 19:52

I wouldn’t worry. I have a deep scar on my eyebrow that I did when I was little and it actually makes me look like I have 2 eyebrows as it’s about a third of the way in. I quite like it. It’s a feature & I absolutely remember how I did it. You could use some bio oil on it to help it fade. I also recently got told that you should always use suncream on scars when it’s sunny as otherwise they will go swarmed.

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Anna197264 · 03/04/2022 19:52

Darker not swarmed!

Choppies · 03/04/2022 19:52

Reassess if it bothers her when older but will likely continue to fade with time. Plenty of stuff to feel guilty over as a mum so try not to beat yourself up too much

pbdr · 03/04/2022 19:53

It will eventually fade to being almost invisible. I think taking her to the doctor is likely to just make it into an issue for her when she would otherwise not be bothered.
I have a scar on my forehead from an accident when I was 3 that my mum felt terribly guilty about, but I honestly couldn't care less.

DoodleBelle · 03/04/2022 19:53

Maybe start using a bit of moisturiser/face oil on it each day? You could dress it up as a pamper routine and put some of your own skincare on at the same time so she would just see it as a fun ‘grown up’ time with mummy.

Dejavuvuzella · 03/04/2022 19:53

It should fade, and by the time she's worried about her appearance she'll be using makeup if it bothers her.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 03/04/2022 19:53

Harry Potter relative? My ds 20 has a scarred hand. Tells everybody he punched a shark!!

Notwashingup · 03/04/2022 19:54

Friends DS fell and scarred his cheek quite deeply. He had a couple of stitches. At the time it was really noticeable but 10 years later I can’t remember if it’s there or not. The school photographer edited it out of his picture. Friend was furious, it was part of him.

Theunamedcat · 03/04/2022 19:56

My son headbutted a lego accidentally his scar looks like a cross I deliberately grew his fringe in because he wouldn't stop headbutting things you can't really notice it unless you look for it his brother has strange skin and his scar never went away eleven years have passed and you would think it was recent

StrongOutspokenOftenIrritating · 03/04/2022 19:58

I’ve got a scar in my eyebrow too. From falling off my bike aged 6. As a kid it went from mid forehead and down my eyelid/along my nose, but as an adult it’s faded so much I can only see the bit that goes through the brow itself. Most people don’t seem to notice it.

Nutellaonall · 03/04/2022 20:01

The most important thing for scars is to use an spf on it daily. My daughter managed to get a deep scratch in the middle of her forward and that is what I am focusing on. I make it about the sun protection not the scar. And give it a little massage at the same time.

Bananarama21 · 03/04/2022 20:01

My daughter climbed on her pushchair that was stood in the kitchen one day and fell splitting her forehead open above her eyebrow. I felt so guilty as I didn't put it flat straight away as i was putting shopping away and she had never climbed or done it after that , she's 8 now and you can barley see it I can a chicken pox scar on her forehead more. It doesn't remotely bother her.

Original poster
GuyDiamond · 03/04/2022 20:02

Ah thanks so much everyone Flowers

You've made me feel a lot less shit.

Especially glad people have scars on their faces which they like or don't mind. Tbf, I also have a scar on my face from having chicken pox which I don't give a feck about. Not sure why I feel so bad about this one except that I think I should have got it glued. But I'd probably feel guilty about something else if it wasn't this.

OP posts:
FortunaMajor · 03/04/2022 20:02

I have a scar from stitches across the bridge of my nose from a childhood fall. It looks like a natural wrinkle/fold now and you can only really see it if I raise my eyebrows.

I have another longer one 3cm from stitches under my eye that follows my cheekbone. Although both are visible you have to know they are there really. I was aware of them growing up, but now I have to think really hard about which side the eye one is on as I don't tend to notice it any more.

I don't recall anyone ever commenting on them.

Even if she had had stitches, there would still be a visible scar. Don't beat yourself up about it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2022 20:03

I have one. I love it. They are a unique sign of our life experience.

DD has a couple on her hands that she shows everyone proudly.

Ragwort · 03/04/2022 20:03

I fell off a bed over 60 years ago Grin, I have a scar on my cheek .. never given it a second thought until this thread ... clearly it has faded over time.

Suzi888 · 03/04/2022 20:06

My friends little boy had his forehead cut glued and it’s still a silvery scar- I think he was about 4 when it happened and now around 7.
I’d massage with Boots scar gel /bio oil and always use SPF.
Most people have a scar somewhere - I wouldn’t worry.
Don’t make a big thing about it, it’ll very likely fade in a decade.

frillseeking · 03/04/2022 20:06

Sorry you're giving yourself a hard time about this. Bio oil is really good for helping reduce the appearance of scars

PiddleOfPuppies · 03/04/2022 20:06

I don't think many of us have made it through childhood without getting a scar or two, it's part of a life story. My mum was obsessed with the scar on my forehead and made me grow a thick fringe to disguise it - as an adult, I'm fringeless and nobody has commented. DD has a scar on her chin from a playground fall and DS has one on his knee after diving off a wall at Warwick Castle.

elizzza · 03/04/2022 20:10

My two year old fell and cut his forehead open a couple of weeks ago - I took him straight to A&E, was seen really quickly, they glued it and put on steristrips and the doctor told me he will have a scar (I didn’t ask, he was just saying we’re going to do it the least intrusive way possible but he’ll have a scar whatever method we use). So please please stop beating yourself up about it - chances are if you’d taken her to have it glued she would have the exact same scar!
(Also I hope me saying we went to A&E doesn’t make you feel worse - it was partly because we were closer to the hospital than to home, and partly because I was with a friend who has a newborn and she was so distressed by it that I thought oh shit maybe I should get him seen, normally I take a very “ah you’ll be alright!” attitude to bumps and cuts!)

ShadeOfMorningSun · 03/04/2022 20:11

I understand the guilt feeling op. Ds also has a nasty scar on his face that in hindsight I should have had stitched or glued, 6 years on now and it’s become more noticeable as he gets bigger, it doesn’t bother him at all though. I learnt my lesson and the next facial injury he had (he’s a clumsy one!) I DID get glued and i can’t even see where that happened now…

As an aside I have a facial scar myself from a childhood fall and it’s just part of me, doesn’t bother me as I can’t remember not having it.

Xpologog · 03/04/2022 20:13

My DP had the imprint of a teaspoon in his cheek. His mum didn’t strap him into his high hair, he pitched out of it, spoon in hand, and landed face on spoon on the floor. I wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t told me.

Original poster
GuyDiamond · 03/04/2022 20:15

Not at all @elizzza. That's really thoughtful of you to worry about saying you took him to A&E, but not at all. I'd have taken her except she seemed completely fine and it barely bled! I was more concerned about concussion and was watching her for signs of that and just didn't think about it scarring 🤦‍♀️.

I think I just feel anxious about it as I read they don't really fade after two years and now it's more than two years! But hopefully as she grows it will change a bit. People have said they don't notice it too, so maybe I just notice it more

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