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Original poster

Scar on child's face - mum guilt

42 replies

GuyDiamond · 03/04/2022 19:47

I posted this in children's health, but not sure it gets a lot of traffic!

Feeling a bit crap about this and in need of a hand hold if I'm honest.

When my now 6 year old was 4, she fell over and cut her head. It didn't look bad at the time, she had done similar before and it had healed no bother, so I thought no more about it - idiot that I am.

It has now turned into a silvery scar between her eyebrows . I obviously feel like shit about this, as I should have taken her to have it stitched or glued.

It's a shallow scar, about 1.5 cm long and right in the middle, between her eyebrows. She doesn't seem to even notice it and certainly hasn't said anything negative about it. She doesn't seem to know it's there.

I am wondering if I should take her to the GP to see if the appearance of it can be reduced a bit, in case she doesn't like the way it looks when she gets older. But I obviously don't want to point it out to her as if it's a negative thing. So I'm reluctant to trot her off to the GP for something she hasn't noticed or mentioned and that doesn't seem to be bothering her. But at the same time, I don't want to leave it too long so they can't do anything about it...

Wwyd? Should I leave it or see a doctor about it? We have private health care for the kids through dh work, so even though the GP might not want to do much with it, we may be able to see a dermatologist or someone.

Or am I being way ott? If so, I blame mum guilt for all.

OP posts:

FeelingForced · 03/04/2022 20:24

DD cut her forehead really badly when she was five and had to have stitches. The scar was fairly visible for a few years after that but now it's barely noticeable at all, nine years after it happened.

I think that as she grew, the skin stretched and the scar just faded away.

eternalopt · 03/04/2022 20:33

Don't beat yourself up - even glued or stitched it would've left a scar. After I had my c section, I was given a sample of "kelo-cote" scar gel - worked well so I bought a tube and for a big old scar, it is really faint now. That could have been the way it would've healed anyway, but I think the scar helped. It's suitable for kids and their website has a good page with info about kids scars. Not cheap but a little goes a long way - worth a read to see if you think it would help now kelo-cote.co.uk/news/what-every-parent-needs-to-know-about-childrens-scars/

bowchicawowwow · 03/04/2022 20:37

I can understand how you feel. I took my eye off my then toddler DS and he fell into a deckchair and pushed a couple of his milk teeth inwards. The dentist wasn't bothered but I felt so sorry horribly guilty for years.

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User48751490 · 03/04/2022 20:44

My eldest crashed into the coffee table when he was 2yo, he still has the scar there near his hairline at front of his face. He is 15 almost.

My youngest has a scar from when he fell into a book spine when he was a toddler. You can still see it today, but faintly. He is 4yo.

I wouldn't worry, often they don't glue superficial wounds these days anyway. It's part of your daughter's history. A way to make conversation. Please don't see it as something negative!

My youngest has a huge zig zag scar through the centre of his head you can see through his hair. Again, part of who he is. Nothing to conceal.

aldilemonade · 03/04/2022 20:47

My son was in a horrific accident at 14 months old and his face and body is covered in scars.
I remember crying about them thinkiing that when he starts school he will be bullied and picked on about them.
I will never get over the guilt of them.
My son is now 9 and he is very open and honest about how and why he is scarred.
He has really great friends and they think they are cool.
Here is a picture of part of my sons face (sorry about the light its awful in my room) with the biggest scar low down on his face and the most noticable ones on his eye where he had to have plastic surgery.
Honestly he doesn't even think about them unless someone asks about them.

User48751490 · 03/04/2022 20:48

Actually, same as a PP, I notice my youngest and his huge chicken pox scar more than anything on his temple 😬

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/04/2022 20:56

I've got a scar on my eyelid where I ran into the wooden arm of a chair. I've also got scars on my lip where I fell out of my dolls pram and on another occasion tripped over and smacked my mouth on the doorstep. I quite like them, they give me character!

The only downside is I was an accident prone child who grew into an accident prone adult!

Sceptre86 · 03/04/2022 21:10

My 4 tear old jumped off a slide at preschool hit his head and split his forehead. His dad took him to a and e for glue stitches but it is still likely to scar as it is so deep. I'll use bio oil on it once the scab comes away. I'd rather he didn't do silly things but he's 4.

My dd fell in the school playground and part of her glasses embedded above her eyebrow. She went to A & e too and had glue stitches, still looks like it will scar but is getting fainter and I apply bio oil every evening. Sometimes accidents happen, sometimes kids just do daft things. It isn't your fault.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/04/2022 21:14

I have a silver scar on my forehead from a fall as a toddler and it has honestly never occurred to me to be self conscious about it even when I was a teen. I actually quite like it!

Ellie5341 · 03/04/2022 21:43

I would have a chat with dc about it @GuyDiamond

I'd casually mention it one day maybe when washing hair and point out how special she is as not everyone has this and make some resemblance to something she likes, such as it's what real super hero's have/ what magic fairies have.

Don't make a big thing, just a sentence or two then swiftly move on.

The idea behind this is you have prepared her and given her an answer ready for if other kids at school mention it so it doesn't take her by surprise and affect her.

She might ask about it after you have mentioned it, great opportunity for you to reassure more how beautiful she is and even more so with her magical mark.

sashh · 04/04/2022 04:33

I have a scar between my eye and my eyebrow, I hardly notice it.

A neighbour's kid had picked up a shovel his dad had been using on the path so it had cement dried on it.

I think my mum was just relieved I hadn't lost an eye, I had stiches and if you look closely you can see it, but you have to really look.

WTF475878237NC · 04/04/2022 04:38

My brother has a scar on his face from an accident and similarly our parents didn't take him to get it glued. He didn't notice it until he was about 10 and started getting teased for it. He is often asked about still now so I would say unfortunately it could be an issue and I'd talk to the GP without her being there - using a photo.

StoppinBy · 04/04/2022 05:11

@ErmIDontKnow

I think your feeling way to guilty and the older she gets and the more she grows the scar will get smaller. You could always use bio oil on ber scar if it made you feel better. Is it bio oil? That stuff they tell pregnant woman to use when their pregnant?

I understand the guilt, when my 5 year old was 2 he was having a tempter tantrum and head butted the stairs in frustration, his 2 front teeth have always been a shade darker than the rest of his teeth since then, I cant wait until they fall out and his adult teeth come through

My son was using a rope and a metal shower hand rail (with our permission - can't stop kids doing everything) and he fell off and hit his tooth with the bar.

The tooth is now a light grey, it's just one of those things... no need to feel guilty :-)

StoppinBy · 04/04/2022 05:12

oops, left out that he was using them as a flying fox with the rope tied from one end of our monkey bars to the other.

autienotnaughty · 04/04/2022 05:49

If your a&e is anything like ours you probably wouldn't have been seen in time to stitch it anyway. My ds cut his mouth open and was profusely bleeding we waited 5 hours to be seen and the doctor said it was too late to stitch. He has three noticeable scars running down his chin. The doctor also questioned why he hadn't eaten while we were there🙄

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 04/04/2022 06:16

My dd (now 21) has a scar in the middle of her forehead which she acquired at age 2. It runs from the top of her eyebrow to her hairline. It was actually stitched in theatre, as it was so deep/long. We call it her Harry Potter scar.

It’s still very visible, but she has never been worried by it. Really. Sometimes people who have known her for sometime (years, in some cases) will say in a surprised tone ‘“you have a scar!”. The only time she’s been a bit put out is when school photos have come back with her scar airbrushed out. As she says, the scar is part of her.

Original poster

GuyDiamond · 04/04/2022 08:15

@WTF475878237NC

That's really sad. What horrible people to do that.

However, I am not putting her through a medical procedure to stop some little fuckers from making fun of her for a scar on her face. That's not something SHE would need to fix. That's something they would need to fix about their own shitty personalities.

I would only do it in case she didn't like it herself as she got older.

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