Can anyone help me feel better about being a mature student?

[maturestudenthelp]

So the first dilemma is the fact I have an unconditional offer at two universities but I don’t know which to choose. I was due to attend an applicant day at the closest one today but when I got there all I saw was streams of 17/18 year old’s there with their parents. I felt so out of place and pathetically awkward, I daren’t walk in so totally bottled it and cried in the car. I know it’s so stupid but I’ve had severe PND and anxiety over the past couple of years so even applying to uni was a big step for me. The applicant day just felt too big a step, I’d have felt better seeing even one person around my age (29 so not ancient!) or older but I just saw kids. I’m hoping someone will be able to reassure me that I definitely won’t be the oldest one there and there will be other mature students? I hope so anyway.

I’ve chosen the same subject at two universities. One is half an hour away, the other will take 1 hour 20 mins on the train. I prefer the modules at the one further away and today really put me off the closer university even though I didn’t go in! I didn’t like the feel of the place even from the outside if that makes sense? I’m just worried almost 3 hours a day on a train may be too much, it also means 2 trains rather than 1. Would that be too much travelling when I have two toddlers to consider?

I’m in a bit of frantic mess about it all tbh. I’ve been a SAHM for 3.5 years since eldest was born and my life has become quite insular so this is a huge step for me. I’m even panicking about sorting childcare because the uni’s can’t tell me which days I’ll be in until a couple of weeks before I start so I have no idea what will happen there.

Do you have to go in every day? Lecturers LOVE mature students, so be proud of yourself and hold your head high

I’m not sure? I emailed both universities to ask and they told me the timetable changes every day so they wouldn’t be able to tell me. They told me it’s typically 3 days a week.

Sorry, I meant timetable changes every year not day.

Haha @AuxArmesCitoyens I used to be a lecturer and came on to say that I loved them! So much more together, responsible, dedicated than the 18 year olds!
Bear in mind @maturestudenthelp that even if the lectures etc are only 3 days a week you will be expected to study for 40 hrs per week, so having 5 days childcare (if you possibly can) would help??

Thanks for making me feel better about things! I felt so panicked earlier when I saw all of the teens with their parents, I just felt majorly out of place.

I didn’t really consider needing 5 days childcare. The eldest has a place in the school nursery from September but it’s only 3 hours a day so I’m pinning my hopes on finding a childminder who can collect him, I don’t know how lucky I’ll be because we live in a small town.

I’m a 50-year-old mature student and I love it. The younger people were so welcoming to me and I quickly felt part of any lecture or seminar we were in. In fact, I’ve made a couple of really good friends who are younger than my own children.
And as a pp said, the lecturers love me cos I’m happy to speak up in seminars whereas the youngsters are often terrified to give an opinion or share a thought.
I say go for it. It’ll be terrifying at the start, but you’re unlikely to be the only mature student.
Also, uni’s often organise a mature students or returning learners week before you start to help you settle in. I found this really helpful.
A lot of universities have childcare on site for staff and students. You might want to look into this.
You won’t be on campus every day, it’s normally around two and half to three days of face time face teaching.
Go for it, it’ll be life changing.

I just wanted to add that you are going for you, no body else. You have this wonderful time ahead of you of learning. Enjoy every single second. Don’t mind the young kids, they are dealing with other things (life’s not easy for them either!) and you enjoy this wonderful opportunity of education, for you and your future. I wish I was going back to college! xxx

I’m a mature student (27), and have a toddler. I also travel around 1hour 45 each way Mon-Fri.
There’s a good handful of mature students on my course, the oldest being 40 which is nice as I have more in common with them. There are also some lovely 18 year olds and it doesn’t always feel like there’s such a big gap.

There are probably some postgraduate or parent societies that are good to join. May not be many on your course, but there will be loads within the university itself.

I only manage all the travel with a very supportive husband and family who do nursery drop off and pick ups. If I didn’t have them I’m not sure I could manage it on my own. In regards to the commute itself, you get used to it. I usually drive but if I get the train I also have to change which isn’t that much of a hassle. It’s nice being able to do some uni work on the train as well.

That’s poor from the university, standard timetable should be available 6 weeks ahead. I’m sure if you email them they could give you a general idea of when you are expected in e.g I’m expected to be available for study between 9-5 Mon-fri. Then at least you would be able to plan childcare.

Definitely do it! As others have said, it's highly likely there'll be lots of other mature students. Even if there's not many on your course, there'll probably be a society/club for mature students from across all the departments. I'm a mature student, it's hard work but worth it

Hi OP, I went to university after five years after A-levels (took a while to decide what to do) so I was almost 24 when I started.
I before I started I felt very much like you, so anxious, no confidence and I felt like I was too old to make friends.
Well everything I was anxious about was just in my head. I made loads of friends, met so many interesting people, discovered a lot of these young looking people were actually a few years older than 18. I have friends of all ages now and people worth knowing won’t care that you’re a bit older than them as long as you have shared values/hobbies and can have a laugh/good conversation with them.
You’ve been given TWO unconditional offers and you will do amazing. How is the train situation, can you reliably get a seat? I used to utilise that time to do all my studying on the train.

I did ask the closest uni whether they have an on site crèche and they don’t, however they do have a partnership with a nearby nursery. The problem with choosing this option is I will obviously have to commute to and from uni with them in tow every day on the train which won’t be easy so I’d prefer to get them into either a nursery near home or ideally eldest could go to school nursery and I’d have a childminder collect him and look after the youngest all day. My eldest will also start school full time when I start my second year so a nursery close to uni wouldn’t be a long term solution if that makes sense. It’s honestly frying my brain a little worrying about it because I’ve been a SAHM so never had to worry about organising childcare before.

Thank you for your insight, I’m so pleased you’re enjoying being a mature student and it’s great you have met friends too.

How is the train situation, can you reliably get a seat? I used to utilise that time to do all my studying on the train.

Totally depends on which university I choose. One is a 30 min train journey and it’s a direct train from my closest station. The other one is 1 hour 20 mins on the train in total and it’s also two trains rather than one. I don’t know whether that commute will be too much? I prefer the modules at the one further away though typically…

It’s great to hear positive experiences, I’m so pleased you enjoyed it. I did an access course in 2017/2018 before my eldest was born and I thought I’d be the oldest then at 24/25 but I wasn’t, the oldest was actually 66 so that surprised me!

I work in a university and we have lots of mature students. You certainly won't be the only one on your course. Our uni also has support available specifically aimed at students who have been out of university for a while. Might be worth asking if there is anything similar in your uni.

I'm a mature student, returned at 33 and I'll be 37 when I graduate this year. I'd personally go for the closer uni, my modules changed from the originally advertised ones in year 2 anyway due to changes in lecturers so I don't think things are always guaranteed.

I'm the oldest by 10 years on my course, there's only 12 of us and it's a mix of straight from 6th form and a few mid to late 20s then me, mother hen.

Childcare is a nightmare, we're lucky to get our timetable the week before the semester starts. My uni are fairly flexible while we get stuff sorted for kids and put lectures and notes online anyway. We can usually join on teams online too but we're a very small cohort.

I've had a bloody fantastic time and I'd do it again in a heartbeat even though I have no intention of using my degree 😂

Don't talk yourself out of it!
I went straight to university but was so glad there were mature students on my course as they added a bit of balance to the really immature ones.

I have so many friends who went as mature students and are so glad they did. Stay focussed on the end goal.

Maybe share the universities /courses and we might be able to add some insights?

I was a mature student. Started when I was 27. Loved university, got a first class degree.

I’m a mature student (late 30s). I have 2 children with 1 in primary school and 1 in nursery. If I was in your situation, I’d pick the uni nearest you, mainly for practicality sake and travel costs. My uni is ‘only’ 30 minutes train ride but there can and have been delays with me only just making it back on time. It’s £5 charge every 5 minutes delay and I don’t have family help. Do you?

You will likely need full time childcare so I’d plan for this. With nursery, that’s easy but with school it’s more tricky with inset days, half terms and settling in days etc. You will need to be organised but it’s not impossible. Try to have a plan B to cover sickness.

You need to give yourself time to adjust. Sure, it’s a big change but it will be for most.

Going back to uni is the best thing I’ve ever done - I love it. Go for it!

I'm a lecturer and love mature students. The're so much more engaged with the course and really wanted be there / learn.

In terms of toddlers at home that may be tough but probably doable 3 days a week.

Congratulations on having two unconditional offers.

I've been a mature student. I and my fellow mature students on the course (who became lifelong friends) agree that we got far more out of our course as mature students than if we'd done it straight from school. Having some life experience can make a big difference to your understanding of the topics and issues you'll be covering (depending on subject to some extent of course.) And you'll probably be much better at organising yourself than 18yos straight from school will be.

I was a mature student. Graduated at 41 with a first. I loved it. I'm nearly 50 now and I miss being a student, learning and stretching myself. Although I like the job having a degree enabled me to get, studying was much more satisfying.

You'll be fine OP. Lecturers love mature students as they are not there to doss about. Good luck!

Lecturer here. It varies a lot from year to year and course to course. Oldest we've had was fifties. Had utter respect for him for having the bottle to go for it. He is and was very well liked and a great student. I'd say most mature students are late twenties and not unusual. Because I'm an old git I find it hard to tell sometimes who is late twenties and who isn't!

Why don't you ask to speak to the course leader and see if you go in and see them or video chat? I'm happy to do this for applicants.

I think I would go for shorter commute. It will make your life much less stressful. Also ask about blended (online) learning and timetabling. Our classes can run in evenings sometimes.

But well done on your offers! Nice to be able to choose.

Also bear in mind.. applicant days are getting silly. We get kids of 17 looking ahead for over a year in advance and also had a bluddy 13 year old one time.

I started a nursing degree at 35 felt passed it and I was second oldest in whole cohort. When I qualified didn't think of it again..go for it

I also think you need to go for the shorter commute op, public transport is not always reliable and your child care seems limited. With the further away one the three hours nursery is jist for uou travelling.

We don’t have family local to us who can really help. DH finishes work at 5 and soonest he can get back is around 5:20 pm so if any train delays happen, we would be kind of stuck if I needed to be back by x time. So yes, childcare options are limited to either childminder who can collect eldest from school nursery and look after youngest all day or just putting them both in the same nursery. I just had my heart set on the eldest going to the school nursery really. I didn’t consider half terms though, that’s a good point.

I’m really pleased to hear so much positivity about being a mature student and just mature students in general, it’s really perked me up.

Can I ask how much is available online now as well? I know with covid it started being recorded so students could watch at home if isolating, is this still the case? I suppose I should reach out to the uni’s and ask questions like this.

I did it. I was 40when I graduated. There were only 3 of us matures out of 120 but it was ok. Definitely would have been a lot better if I’d done it younger but I didn’t. I didn’t make many friends but I got a good degree from a Russell Group university and it was a good part of my life.