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Original poster

Paying for small value items with a card rather than cash

40 replies

NoDramas · 02/04/2022 16:29

I've just been lambasted by DH and to a lesser extent, DS, that I expressed some rhetorical surprise that DS paid for a 45p item with a card rather than cash. And I mean lambasted.

I got dragged into an unnecessary argument and told my ideas were old fashioned and antiquated and I was acting like a pensioner. That it is preposterous to expect anybody to carry cash now or in the future and that transactions for as little as 1p should all be carried out by card. That it is unimaginable that somebody should have any coins or notes about their person. Imagine breaking a £1 coin and then having 50p and 5p in your pocket. Those coins and others will end up never being spent and they'll be lost to the economy forever. There are £billions in unspent cash sloshing around houses, sofas, bedside tables, bags, pockets etc destined never to be used again.

When 2 people double team you and you can't get a word in edgeways then you sit mutely and can't express yourself whatsoever. So I said nothing.

I felt they both overreacted and there was no need to verbally attack me in the way they did. I was told I was "wrong, wrong, wrong". Apparently DH had to step in to defend DS and stand up for him (DS is 20 and the most argumentative of all) when all I expressed was surprise at the use of a card for a small value item, not horror, not indignation.

I realise that the use of actual cash/card and the getting unnecessarily attacked over a fairly innocuous statement are actually two separate issues but as with so many things posted on MN things are rarely in isolation.

Just getting this off my chest...not really trying to achieve anything...

OP posts:
VerbenaVerveine · 02/04/2022 16:32
  1. You're not wrong, card transaction costs are high, hence independent shops often having rules about minimum spend
  1. Even if you were wrong, their behaviour is awful. Why don't either of them have any respect for you?
Ilikewinter · 02/04/2022 16:35

Where I used to work plenty of people would pay for their 5p bag on a card!

But I agree with PP, about their behavouir and disrespect for you.

RoastedFerret · 02/04/2022 16:37

There was no need to attack you obviously, people can have different points of view and it really is just a small matter.

Personally I haven't carried a purse with me for years now just my card so everything gets tapped. I think a lot of people are the same way, they pay by card or use their phone or watch.

AWombleScorned · 02/04/2022 16:51

Why would you NOT pay 45p by card if the shop allows it? I don’t understand your surprise

Spikeyball · 02/04/2022 17:02

I switched to contactless with covid and I don't think I have used cash in a shop for 2 years. I paid 50p with a card this morning to use a public loo. So much easier than messing about looking for the correct coins.

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/04/2022 17:08

How incredibly rude of them. I’m so sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2022 17:08

Regardless of their rightness or wrongness (and I disagree because of transaction costs) their behaviour is deplorable. It's just bullying and the fact that your 20 yo thinks it's OK points to a lack of male role-modelling. Hectoring a women until she submits is pretty awful and his father shouldn't be allowing and encouraging it.

You need to stand your ground though. Not about the argument, but about your right to be heard and respected. Stand up, old, firm voice, "could you please both stop. I'm not interested in your opinions" and walk away. Demand respect.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2022 17:09

Loud not old.

londonmummy1966 · 02/04/2022 17:11

I get cash back on my credit card so every transaction I can is put on it. However the small independent shops I use get cash or if that isn't possible a debit card. SO can of coke in sainburys - crdit card can of coke in newsagents - cash.

TheSnowyOwl · 02/04/2022 17:12

@NoDramas

I've just been lambasted by DH and to a lesser extent, DS, that I expressed some rhetorical surprise that DS paid for a 45p item with a card rather than cash. And I mean lambasted.

I got dragged into an unnecessary argument and told my ideas were old fashioned and antiquated and I was acting like a pensioner. That it is preposterous to expect anybody to carry cash now or in the future and that transactions for as little as 1p should all be carried out by card. That it is unimaginable that somebody should have any coins or notes about their person. Imagine breaking a £1 coin and then having 50p and 5p in your pocket. Those coins and others will end up never being spent and they'll be lost to the economy forever. There are £billions in unspent cash sloshing around houses, sofas, bedside tables, bags, pockets etc destined never to be used again.

When 2 people double team you and you can't get a word in edgeways then you sit mutely and can't express yourself whatsoever. So I said nothing.

I felt they both overreacted and there was no need to verbally attack me in the way they did. I was told I was "wrong, wrong, wrong". Apparently DH had to step in to defend DS and stand up for him (DS is 20 and the most argumentative of all) when all I expressed was surprise at the use of a card for a small value item, not horror, not indignation.

I realise that the use of actual cash/card and the getting unnecessarily attacked over a fairly innocuous statement are actually two separate issues but as with so many things posted on MN things are rarely in isolation.

Just getting this off my chest...not really trying to achieve anything...

I’d have been surprised he bothered with a card rather than just using his phone. However, completely unnecessary to speak to you in that way or to double up against you.

For what it’s worth, when we stopped using cash we really struggled during the unexpected but essential visit of the tooth fairy. I don’t think a bank transfer from a parent really cuts it with a child in the same way waking up to £1 under their pillow.

Original poster
NoDramas · 02/04/2022 17:22

So a few 'agreeing' with me and a few 'agreeing' with them.

I always thought there were cost implications for the retailer when it came to card transactions. I've seen plenty of "minimum card transaction" signs by tills over the years. Perhaps as a result of covid that has changed?

I think I feel faint embarrassment when I have to pay by card for anything under that (notional) £5 or £10 limit.

I would feel really awkward (and judged?) paying for something less than £1 on a card.

Perhaps that is where I'm antiquated? But to be told at full volume that I'm "wrong, wrong, wrong" was more than a bit much, in my opinion. And that's where this stands: it's just opinion.

There was no need to create drama and ill feeling over something quite inconsequential. The mood in the house is subdued and I feel reluctant to engage for fear of getting my head bitten off again.

There is a tip of the iceberg feeling about this. Things being blown out of proportion.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoDramas · 02/04/2022 17:32

He may well have used his phone and not an actual card but I meant a "digital" transaction as opposed to "physical".

As to the most hectoring protagonist that was definitely DH not DS.

The shouting me down unfortunately put me in mind of a time awhile back when I tried to speak to them all about some trans issues with women's spaces being invaded (toilets, changing rooms, sports, prisons etc) and how that was making people/women/girls feel. Suffice to say that did not go well.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 02/04/2022 17:36

You’re being a bit unreasonable about the using cash argument. Cash also has a cost to a retailer. It’s less secure, has to be banked and is frankly filthy.

However they were completely in the wrong to shout at you.

yellowsuninthesky · 02/04/2022 17:40

@AWombleScorned

Why would you NOT pay 45p by card if the shop allows it? I don’t understand your surprise
I do, I felt the same pre-covid, but some, if not nearly all, of the shops got silly about people being able to catch it from cash, and more and more self-service machines only take cards so you don't have a choice even if you only buy something for £1.

Although today I bought a bag of carrots for £1 and paid with a £1 coin!

I agree though that they are treating you badly - both on this and on the trans issue. I have a DH and a DS and both are outraged at the idea of men taking part in womens' sport. Any right-thinking man would be. They need to learn some respect for you.

yellowsuninthesky · 02/04/2022 17:44

The mood in the house is subdued and I feel reluctant to engage for fear of getting my head bitten off again

Quite honestly I would tell them their behaviour was appalling and you expect an apology for their disrespect and aggression. And if they start again tell them to shut up.

Icantfly · 02/04/2022 17:47

I use my card for everything and if you expressed surprise to me about that I would just say it’s easier for me personally to do that. I would not speak to you like they did, you aren’t ‘wrong’, you have a different opinion and even if you were factually wrong about something there is absolutely no need for that reaction.

Floralnomad · 02/04/2022 17:51

There was no need for them to be nasty and aggressive about it but you are wrong , lots of people never carry any cash anymore .

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/04/2022 17:52

They shouldn't have gone down your throat, but also, why did you even comment to them on their spending method. Literally none of your business how they choose to pay.

Tiredteacher2507 · 02/04/2022 17:59

I agree with you. I use cash and card 50:50, mostly using card for larger transactions and cash for smaller ones. I like having a bit of cash on me at all times and around the home for emergencies. I would hate for us to become a cashless society, and if people stop using cash altogether then eventually cash will disappear. And I'm in my 30s so not exactly old either!

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2022 18:03

I’m sitting in soft play and so thought I’d check my wallet. I have no cash on me. The only cash I ever handle is for paying my cleaner and tbh she’s happy for bank transfers

ImAvingOops · 02/04/2022 18:05

Bernadette, that's so rude. People make throwaway comments all the time about little things, which surprise them. It's called conversation! The real problem here is not whether the OP is right or wrong (that's just a matter of opinion anyway), it's how they treated her.
There's no excuse for how they reacted. They sound like nasty bullies. Are you sure you want to stay married to a man who thinks this behaviour is acceptable?

woodhill · 02/04/2022 18:13

I always pay for small transactions with cash.

It's important to keep the option of using cash imo

Original poster
NoDramas · 02/04/2022 18:14

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

They shouldn't have gone down your throat, but also, why did you even comment to them on their spending method. Literally none of your business how they choose to pay.
I don't think it was me commenting on a chosen payment method and making a judgement as such. Imagine the approx flow of the conversation:

Me: Did you get X?

DS: Yes

Me: Did you take some cash?

DS: No, I paid on a card

Me: Oh! Oh, right.

Cue ridiculous family onslaught about modern cashless society vs old fuddy duddies like me.

It just blew up out of nowhere. I didn't express an opinion, I just reacted slightly surprised.

OP posts:
Svara · 02/04/2022 18:14

I use cash because I think the fewer people who use it the sooner we will lose it. I use it for all small amounts, such as when buying from small businesses at the market, or when picking up a few things through the self service. I use my card for the weekly shop and the petrol. I don't carry a wallet, just a few notes in my phone case and change in my pocket.

darlingdodo · 02/04/2022 18:14

I'm with you op - hate paying for small amounts with card - can't keep track, reconciling bank statements is a pita. Accepting cards costs businesses, and the costs aren't small.

However, even worse is their attitude. I'd not accept being spoken to in that manner by anyone, especially people who are supposed to love me.

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