Bereavement - alternative to flowers

[splintinfarentino]

A relative in her 80's has sadly just lost her husband. We aren't local so would like to send a gift with condolences. Are there any alternatives to a bouquet, or are flowers really the only appropriate thing to send in these circumstances?

She's quite a practical person and I can imagine her feeling grumpy and low in a fortnight's time, deep in grief and having to deal with multiple vases of dying flowers.

A vase?

Or a plant she can keep in a pot outside

Someone sent me a small rose plant in a pot when DH died, I really appreciated that.

The flowers I received were lovely, and the thoughts behind them even more so. But it was all too much to be honest. Too many flowers all at the same time, not enough vases,not enough places to put them - and then they died, and had to be dealt with.

I always get a Joma bracelet, an Angel type one.

They have a nice sentiment on the card, the recipient has something to keep, and they're light enough to pop in a sympathy card without extortionate postage costs.

Maybe just stick to the card if you aren't sure.

David Austin roses, if she has somewhere and someone to plant it for her

I appreciated a card at the time, possibly with a nice letter. Anything else is too much.

What I really appreciated was some people sent something about a month or two later - I got a lovely bath set, and flowers etc. It was really thoughtful, and a nice sentiment to showing people were still thinking about me, when I felt quite alone.

A small hamper from Betty’s tea room.

A voucher for Deliveroo or Ubereats, practical and will be very welcome when she can't face cooking.

A card with a test you write yourself, not these awful poems,

A potted plant, her favourite, a Spring one or one she can plant outside if she has a garden,

I personally would stay away from any sentimental items unless you are sure they are appreciated. My mum received a lovely photo of my dad taken without anyone knowing it. He hardly ever smiled a lot but someone got a great photo of him laughing and my mum very much appreciated it.

Marks and spencer deliver fruit baskets and you can add a personal message which I think is really lovely in situations such as these

Some people sent me cake when DH died recently and it was much appreciated, throwing out flowers as they died just added to the feelings of loss (for me anyways).

@Indoorcatmum

A voucher for Deliveroo or Ubereats, practical and will be very welcome when she can't face cooking.

Be sure relative knows how to use the app though before getting this.

To be honest as PP said I'd stick to a card and maybe get something later. A lot of things might seem a bit "gifty" and almost things you'd save for a celebration.

Some potted bulbs that will flower in summer.
www.bees-seeds.co.uk/SumOutdoorAgapanthus.html

[quote NoSquirrels]Some potted bulbs that will flower in summer.
www.bees-seeds.co.uk/SumOutdoorAgapanthus.html[/quote]
That's a nice idea. She won't need to do anything with them now.

@JustMeAndThee, minor hijack, what a lovely idea. Do u know what the clasp is on the bracelets, can't tell from photos.

We got a lovely little hamper with things like jams, shortbread, fruit cake. We put it away though and came back to it when we felt more like it.

I agree that gifty things might seem too much like a celebration and takeaway vouchers might not be appropriate if the person doesn't know what to do with them, doesn't have much of an appetite or has more traditional food tastes. Obviously it depends on the person though. IMO the nicest things to receive were letters that someone had taken the time to write.

someone sent me chocolates - it was a wonderful thing to do

Bottle of gin? More comforting than flowers sometimes.

I sent a family member a large box of chocolates and selection box of biscuits. I'd meant it so that she had something small and easy to eat as her appetite had gone but she said she was really grateful for them as she had something nice to offer the people who kept popping round to see her!

I was given an Uber eats voucher and it was lovely not to have to cook one night. I considered it a thoughtful gift. Flowers are such a waste of money and then they die.

I have sent these little pewter acorns to several friends who have lost a loved one.

I also sent a peace lily plant from Next to an elderly neighbour who lost her husband. Unlike flowers, it didn’t need any fussing over or looking after other than a bit of water every now and then.

When my DH died flower management became a major chore. The gifts I appreciated were a fruit basket, a planter for the garden and home made cakes.

Small hamper is my call on this

Biscuiteers flower biscuits--look pretty and last for ages