Bereavement - alternative to flowers

[splintinfarentino]

A relative in her 80's has sadly just lost her husband. We aren't local so would like to send a gift with condolences. Are there any alternatives to a bouquet, or are flowers really the only appropriate thing to send in these circumstances?

She's quite a practical person and I can imagine her feeling grumpy and low in a fortnight's time, deep in grief and having to deal with multiple vases of dying flowers.

I’d go with a rose that you can keep in the house for a week or two and then put outside. Or a planter already planted up.
You can get inundated with flowers and anything of a gift type thing can seem a bit weird.
Thing I appreciated most was a card , a handwritten message.

There’s a great website called Don’t Buy Her Flowers where you can buy pre-curated care packages or make one up yourself from their various options. I’ve used them a few times for a few different reasons, and they’ve always been appreciated (and the service is good from the company itself).

I recently sent a mixed box of Cook meals after the funeral which went down very well. Having lost my husband I would have appreciated this. Flowers were a pain in the arse when they died, especially as they were mostly Lillies. Somebody sent me a large tray of sandwiches from M and S immediately after his death which was random but great as I had no appetite but it’s easy to pop a tiny sandwich in your mouth and also just kept pulling them out the fridge when anybody came over to sit and talk at me for hours.

Thank you for all these suggestions.

If I was elderly and on my own I would not want flowers or plants that I would have to water or tend to.

Edibles to eat myself or to offer to visitors. A big biscuit tin from M&S.

A sandwich platter and big box of biscuits is a great idea.
It’s not “celebratory “ like a gift, but useful and shows you care.

[quote YogaLite]@JustMeAndThee, minor hijack, what a lovely idea. Do u know what the clasp is on the bracelets, can't tell from photos.[/quote]
So sorry for the late reply, have just seen this!

They're on an elasticated thread, so very easy to pull on and off and ideal for older people

@JustMeAndThee, thank u

A hand written letter expressing your condolences. Include memories you have shared. That will mean more to an older person than anything else - though whatever you do, I agree with no flowers. I was totally overwhelmed with flowers when my DM died and was very resentful of the half hour a day I had to spend changing water and rearranging bunches.

Just a word of warning on the letter.
I received some letters/messages after my husbands death that I’m sure were sent with love and good intentions.

However they dwelt far too much on how upset the sender was. One had a lot of information about the impact my husbands death had had on a friends life - in summary: “I’ve realised life is short and now I’m following my dreams”. I hated receiving that. I didn’t want to hear any positives about my husbands death, particularly in the early days.