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Original poster

Inappropriate teen

27 replies

Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 11:04

My son is 15 his friend is 13. I had a call from his friends mum. Saying my ds had sent a half naked picture to her son with ds just wearing a towel . His bottom half was covered so it was just his top half showing. I don't know why he sent it. I don't know if any words were said with the picture. It could have been anything from something inappropriate to the words "getting ready to out out" I have no idea at all.

There was another issue several months back . But I have forgotten the details of it. I know that it was something to do with saying rude sexual things. It was my son her son and another boy.

The mum has been extremely concerned about the behaviour coming from my son. I don't 100% trust my son myself as we have been having a really hard time with him.

With both issues above the mum has said she will report to social services. She also said she has blocked my son from all contact with her son. But then after a week or so she unblocks them from each other and let's them talk again.

I don't know if its 3 /4 (depending who's there) saying silly things to each other that are sometimes sexual. Or weather there is a real issue . Part of me thinks if its that bad why Do you keep unblocking him.

She also wont belive her son does anything wrong she said that that her son only swears when around my son. I don't believe my ds is innocent but also think they are probably all saying stuff to each other.

I have not approached ds just yet. I just wanted some advice/thoughts before I do.

OP posts:
Indoorcatmum · 28/03/2022 11:57

It's the age difference that is a concern. Two years at that age is HUGE, and unfortunately, grooming can occur amongst older/younger teens.
I'm not saying that is what is going on, but she is right to be concerned.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I would ask her what was said along with the photo. You need the whole picture before you can judge the situation

TooMuchPaper · 28/03/2022 12:00

Do you ever check his phone? Can you ask his school for help?

Clymene · 28/03/2022 12:01

You have 'forgotten the details' of sexual conversations between your son and a much younger boy? Hmm

I think you need to take your son's phone off him the moment he gets home from school. Pick him up if you have to.

You really need to get this under control. Stop being so passive.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

15 year olds
Momijin · 28/03/2022 12:14

I'd have a word to your son about how serious it is especially given the age difference.

Georgeskitchen · 28/03/2022 12:17

A picture with a towel round him could be quite innocent.
Teenagers discuss sex all the time do they not?
That said, you do need to talk to him and explain the dangers of saying something that could be misconstrued.
And probably hang around with friends of his age not 2 years younger

purpleboy · 28/03/2022 12:19

Did she not tell you during the call if there was any conversation with the picture?
I agree it seems off you can't remember the incident regarding messages of a sexual nature.
There is a huge difference between 15 & 13 and I think you need to get a grip on what your son is doing, saying and sending.

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 12:41

@Georgeskitchen

A picture with a towel round him could be quite innocent. Teenagers discuss sex all the time do they not? That said, you do need to talk to him and explain the dangers of saying something that could be misconstrued. And probably hang around with friends of his age not 2 years younger
Thank you . I just managed to talk to ds. And seen the pic ds has pj bottoms on. And a blanket over both shoulders how its hanging over means you can see some of his torso. The reason he sent the picture was because his younger friend had asked to see his hair.

I also asked ds to jog my memory about the issue that had happened several months back. And he said because the friend had said F your mum . She assumed ds had been telling him to say it.

I have told ds to not accept him if his mum unblocks him. And said that the age gap does not work anymore . Maybe they were ok when they were 8 and 10. But things have changed now. And I explained that even if it is teenagers messing about its still him that can get into alot of trouble as he's the oldest and its just not worth it as it would be on record for the rest of his life .

OP posts:
Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 12:56

@purpleboy

Did she not tell you during the call if there was any conversation with the picture? I agree it seems off you can't remember the incident regarding messages of a sexual nature. There is a huge difference between 15 & 13 and I think you need to get a grip on what your son is doing, saying and sending.
The reason I can't remember the ins and out of the sexual stuff as I have had alot of stuff going on that have effected me mentally so I think some stuff kind of gets lost . But I remember there something being off about it as she could not tell me what was actually said. Then when I just spoke to ds he said it was because the yohveet boy had shouted F your mum . So she assumed ds was saying stuff to him.

It's very hard to word because I want to own/acknowledge that ds can be hard work possibly say things he should not when a younger teen is about. But by the same token the mum has called me when ds swears and says my son his teaching him to swear and he's only like it when he's been round my ds. But when they are on playstation and his mum is out all I can hearvit constant swearing from him. It then becomes hardvtk separate the petty stuff from the serious stuff. And also is it what it seems. Then also why does she keep unblocking my son.

OP posts:
Clymene · 28/03/2022 13:04

The younger boy asked your son to show him a photo of his hair on his head and he sent a photo of his torso? That's kind of weird.

The best thing you can do is block this other kid. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why the other mum is blocking and unblocking. Stop the drama. Your son is dangerously older than her son which means he is always going to get the blame.

Withdraw, disengage. Get him to find some friends of his own age.

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 13:08

@Clymene

The younger boy asked your son to show him a photo of his hair on his head and he sent a photo of his torso? That's kind of weird.

The best thing you can do is block this other kid. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why the other mum is blocking and unblocking. Stop the drama. Your son is dangerously older than her son which means he is always going to get the blame.

Withdraw, disengage. Get him to find some friends of his own age.

No it was the his torse with a blanket over is shoulders so the torso Is only partly showing the his head is down showing his braids.

Yes I 100% agree with the rest . There's never going to be a clear 100% answer to any of it. Its just safer all round to stop all contact.

OP posts:
Clymene · 28/03/2022 13:14

Oh I see! Yeah, it's sad for the friendship but this is a battle that you and he are only going to lose. Do you think your son will accept it? Is there a sexual thing going on between them (I don't mean that necessarily there has been any physical contact)?

Basically I'm asking if you think your son will accept that or if he'll try to contact the other boy/will see you as homophobic

jytdtysrht · 28/03/2022 13:17

Yes you should stop all contact. These kids are clearly very bad for each other, whatever has gone on.

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 13:27

@Clymene

Oh I see! Yeah, it's sad for the friendship but this is a battle that you and he are only going to lose. Do you think your son will accept it? Is there a sexual thing going on between them (I don't mean that necessarily there has been any physical contact)?

Basically I'm asking if you think your son will accept that or if he'll try to contact the other boy/will see you as homophobic

Well I have told ds basically what you just said . That even if things are said in teenage jest, messing about. Because he is the older teen even if he did not mean any harm, that it would still be him that gets into serious trouble for it. I said even if his mum unblocks you and says you can both talk again you Need to ignore the invite /Olive branch.

It's definitely not ds thinking of Any type of relationship. They have known each other since toddler/baby as me and his mum have known each other for around 20 years. We have drifted alot though. Not through anything bad just life changes general drifting .

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 28/03/2022 13:28

There is a huge difference between 15 & 13

I don’t disagree with any of the disquiet around this, and do think that probably the older teen needs to distance himself, if only for his own safety, but, for accuracy, the age difference could have them in consecutive academic years, so years 9 and 10, which isn’t that dramatic a stretch for friendships.

Calandor · 28/03/2022 13:40

They sound like they're being normal teenage friends to me tbh. Unless something else is happening I think his mum is being a bit weird trying to make out your son is some kind of predator. 13 & 15 isn't so far apart especially as they've been friends since babyhood.

It's sad their friendship is being forced apart.

Strugglingtodomybest · 28/03/2022 19:33

They sound like they're being normal teenage friends to me tbh. Unless something else is happening I think his mum is being a bit weird trying to make out your son is some kind of predator. 13 & 15 isn't so far apart especially as they've been friends since babyhood.

It's sad their friendship is being forced apart.

I agree with this. My son's are almost 2 years apart, but only one school year and they have a lot of the same friends.

The other mother sounds over the top to me.

It reminded me of my next door neighbours from when I was younger. They blamed me for teaching their kids to swear, because I was a bit older than them, but I didn't actually swear at all at that age (how things change!).

LouisRenault · 28/03/2022 19:49

13 & 15 isn't so far apart

Depending on when their birthdays are, there could be only a little over a year between them.

There is a huge difference between 15 & 13

If a summer born child is deferred a year at Reception age, in Yr 9 they will be turning 15 when some of their classmates are still 13. It's not realistic in that event to say they can't be friends.

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 19:55

@Strugglingtodomybest

They sound like they're being normal teenage friends to me tbh. Unless something else is happening I think his mum is being a bit weird trying to make out your son is some kind of predator. 13 & 15 isn't so far apart especially as they've been friends since babyhood.

It's sad their friendship is being forced apart.

I agree with this. My son's are almost 2 years apart, but only one school year and they have a lot of the same friends.

The other mother sounds over the top to me.

It reminded me of my next door neighbours from when I was younger. They blamed me for teaching their kids to swear, because I was a bit older than them, but I didn't actually swear at all at that age (how things change!).

Thanks for understanding. I have told ds he need to leave things now. I have told him not to except when the friend and his mum unblocks. I really hope he does not. It is a bit sad that ds gets the blame over stuff like swearing
OP posts:
Clymene · 28/03/2022 20:09

I really feel for your boy @Teenageboyz :(

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 28/03/2022 20:10

It all sounds pretty innocent and run of the mill to me. Unless there is more to the friends mum is massively overreacting and is also naive and in denial if she genuinely thinks her 13 yo is being taught swear words by your son.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 28/03/2022 20:11

More to it

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 20:39

@BewareTheBeardedDragon

It all sounds pretty innocent and run of the mill to me. Unless there is more to the friends mum is massively overreacting and is also naive and in denial if she genuinely thinks her 13 yo is being taught swear words by your son.
That's the part I don't understand. He's a teenager. Not a small child. I have heard himself. Alot when he's at home alone on the ps5. I hear I'm making a fucking sandwich. I cant spread the fucking butter I need a fucking drink . Even ds was telling him you don't have to swear every other word it's not even in context. And his mum says he only does it when in the company of ds. Ds does swear which Is not good of course but teenagers often do. It feels very playground. He said this... he said that ... no it was him ... no he did it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 20:43

@Clymene

I really feel for your boy *@Teenageboyz* :(
Realistically I think it will be ok. She said about telling social services I did not know what to say. I just said it was up to her . After getting more info from ds seeing the picture and from stuff I have witnessed myself. I don't think anything would come of it.
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Clymene · 28/03/2022 20:51

It's horrible that she's demonising him like this. Guess she's going to have to find someone rise to blame for he son's potty month now!

I'm also guessing your friendship is over. Sad all found really

Original poster
Teenageboyz · 28/03/2022 20:58

@Clymene

It's horrible that she's demonising him like this. Guess she's going to have to find someone rise to blame for he son's potty month now!

I'm also guessing your friendship is over. Sad all found really

Ds swears etc as well . But the difference is I'm not saying mine is butter wouldn't melt and I know he says stuff that can piss others off swear etc. Yes he is older but they have known each other since baby /toddler. We have known each other around 20 years. But to be honest we have drifted over the years . Not because of anything bad . Just because life has taken us different directions.
OP posts: