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Original poster

Don't ever want to celebrate Mother's Day again

71 replies

notanotheronef · 27/03/2022 21:28

It's my first Mother's Day and it has been horrible, I don't ever want to acknowledge Mother's Day again. I'm heartbroken I've been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl.

OP posts:
Dsisproblem · 28/03/2022 07:33

For my first Mother's Day, DH didn't do anything. His reasoning was "you're not my mum!" Angry

He's learnt over the years.

Knittingchamp · 28/03/2022 07:38

You literally just birthed a baby which is monumental, you're in the hardest phase of looking after a baby - those early weeks - and your lazy DH can't even be bothered to buy a card after everything? Honestly OP, he's not worth it. There might come a time in the not too distant future when you decide you've had enough and that would be a positive decision IMO.

To leave you hating mother's day after your first one with a newborn is so sad. Lots of men will make a big effort OP, there's zero excuse for his lack of interest or care. You can do better.

TheLadyDIdGood · 28/03/2022 07:42

Make sure that his fathers day is the same as your mother's day and he won't forget in a hurry.

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Events & celebrations
diddl · 28/03/2022 07:56

Op isn't her partner's mother-but a lot of men acknowledge when their partner is now a mother imo.

Benes · 28/03/2022 07:57

@gerispringer

You aren’t your DPs mother so don’t expect him to do anything and certainly don’t do anything for him for Father’s day.
I'm sick of hearing this today. No she isn't his mother BUT she is the mother of his tiny child so until that child is old enough to arrange Mother's Day themselves it is the responsibility of her partner.

Anything else is just utterly shit.

marmiteadict · 28/03/2022 08:17

I do feel your pain as my husband was the same and took the view that his own mother was dead and it was (unreasonably) up to my very small children to organise anything.

I'm not making excuses as I was equally upset in those years, but over time I've come to realise it was a very difficult day for him and his grief came out in anger and resentment.

He was never this way on any other day, just mother's day which was clearly a huge trigger.

As time has passed he has vastly improved and I had a lovely day yesterday with him and my now teenage boys.

For what it is worth they still rib him mercilessly about the fact that they were told off age 5 for not buying a present or booking a meal out. He is very sheepish about his behaviour and understands it was unreasonable. He was just mourning.

Could be the case or he could just be a massive plank. Either way you are entitled to feel sad and upset. Hopefully, like me, things will get better ❤️‍🩹

Musmerian · 28/03/2022 08:24

This idea of dreaming about Mothers Day / Wedding days since childhood is very odd. It’s just a day - all the pressure is daft. None of my lot dud anything- DH bought some tulips with weekly shop. I know they love and value me but we all think the hype is bonkers.

emuloc · 28/03/2022 08:54

Oh my.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2022 09:03

@Musmerian

This idea of dreaming about Mothers Day / Wedding days since childhood is very odd. It’s just a day - all the pressure is daft. None of my lot dud anything- DH bought some tulips with weekly shop. I know they love and value me but we all think the hype is bonkers.
Weird isn't it. It's just a day.

I'm divorced and my ex certainly doesn't do anything for me for mothers day. 8yo made me a card at school but aside from that it was just another Sunday. It really isn't a big deal.

SallyWD · 28/03/2022 09:41

I think you realise your disappointment and hurt are aimed at DH, not Mother's Day. Mother's Day is just what you/your family make of it. We never celebrated it growing up because my mum thought it was a load of commercial nonsense and didn't give anything to her mum either. Now an adult I do make a fuss of my mum on Mother's Day and she secretly likes it! The issue here is that your partner made a promise to you then let you down. It must have felt like a slap in the face. Were you really dreaming about mother's day since childhood? I find that strange but nevermind. Mother's day gets better as the children get older and can actually express themselves.

springtimeishereagain · 28/03/2022 10:59

Mother's Day is a joke

No, your lazy, selfish arsehole of a husband is the joke. Don't blame the day.

Is he usually like this? Did he know how important it was to you?

BakewellGin1 · 28/03/2022 11:31

Mothers Day is what you make it.

I was home alone with my two as DH works away.

I got a home made card (done at nursery) from littlest DS.
Oldest Moonpigged a Card on DH account.
DM bought a plant, pjs and choc for the boys to give me.

We got our wellies on, went to the beach on a bear hunt then home for a takeaway (my treat to myself)

For me it's about the time with the Boys. Not what anyone else makes it.

pupcakes · 28/03/2022 12:38

My friend died yesterday, leaving 2 kids behind.

THAT'S a shit mothers day.

Your partner not making you dinner makes you never want to celebrate it again? Grow up, make your own dinner, look at your baby and be grateful you're a mother.

AskItaliano · 28/03/2022 12:45

I'm sorry.

I get it, Mother's Day is a big deal to me, I lost my own Mum quite young under traumatic circumstances and wanted children for years before I ended up having my child. I never thought the day would be anything other than a painful hole for me, never thought I'd be able to celebrate as as Mum, and to me it's a bigger deal than my birthday. I don't expect a fortune spent on me but I do want a card, a little gift, and a meal out. I just do. It's what's meaningful to me.

DH isn't someone who sees the point in these days or cares about Father's Day so he wouldn't autonomously know to make a big fuss unless I told him to, so I did.

If this is just a breakdown in communication the next year set your stall out. Tell him what you want. Make no apologies for it being a meaningful day to you. Explain what you'd like to happen and if you're with someone who isn't a massive bell end I'm sure they'll make it up to you.

AskItaliano · 28/03/2022 12:46

@pupcakes

My friend died yesterday, leaving 2 kids behind.

THAT'S a shit mothers day.

Your partner not making you dinner makes you never want to celebrate it again? Grow up, make your own dinner, look at your baby and be grateful you're a mother.

Ah the sadness olympics. OP isn't allowed to be upset because your friend has it worse.

I hope this is your grief talking and that when some time passes you can see how awful you're being to someone online who doesn't deserve it just because worse things happen to other people. Would your friend be happy with what you're doing in trying to make another mother feel like shit?

VampireMoney · 28/03/2022 12:52

To echo everyone else.. It's not the day that's at fault, it's your crappy partner, and how you've built up expectations in your head. I think you need a bit of perspective, but I'm sorry you had a disappointing day all the same.

Happy Mother's Day from a random mum on the Internet Thanks

Bagelsandbrie · 28/03/2022 12:55

@Musmerian

This idea of dreaming about Mothers Day / Wedding days since childhood is very odd. It’s just a day - all the pressure is daft. None of my lot dud anything- DH bought some tulips with weekly shop. I know they love and value me but we all think the hype is bonkers.
Same here. I got a card from Ds aged 9 that dh had organised and dd aged 18 sent me an Asos voucher (she’s at uni) but that’s it and that’s fine by me. I know they love me everyday, I don’t need a big fuss. I am guessing your dh is generally an arsehole and this is the cherry on the cake…?
HelloBunny · 28/03/2022 13:00

Well, both my DH & my Dad ended up having a go at me yesterday. And, as usual, I was only trying to please everyone... It’s shite that I was in that position on Mother’s Day while they got to do as they pleased. As per!

I took my baby out for nice long sunshine walk, just the two of us. And I put out a nice dinner fur the family, to save my mum being a slave to my dad. Just for one day...

FourLittleStars · 28/03/2022 13:59

My first mothers day, my DS was about 4m old and I was exhausted. Dh didn't realise I was a mother until my sister said "what have you done for Stars first mothers day?" and you could have heard the penny drop from over the road. The "oh fuck" was silent but very clearly audible.

Last year we'd not long cremated our baby DC2, and this year baby DC3s ashes have just come home. So it does feel like there are pieces missing from the puzzle.

My DH is shit at making special days feel special, it's taken five years, but he's getting better. Although he's fairly good at showing teamwork and appreciation for me year tound

And now my DS is old enough to get it, he ran in first thing, bollock naked with a card and present he'd made at school and has been guarding since Friday night and asking for some breakfast please. It made my day. Your time will come.

marmiteadict · 28/03/2022 18:44

@FourLittleStars there are no words. Big hug.

TracyMosby · 28/03/2022 19:01

Why are so many posters being absolute wankers on this thread?! Op is upset but she cannot possibly be as upset as others therefore she should grow up!! Wtf is wrong with some of you.

@pupcakes Your irrational rant is clearly a result of grief. But those children have it worse so why dont you grow up as your grief isnt as bad as theirs? Ridiculous vile post from you. In a couple of weeks i expect youll be ashamed of that post. And if youre not, you bloody well should be. Im absolutely appalled that’s the example you gave to have a go at the op here who is only weeks past giving birth with a lazy shit partner.

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