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Original poster

Don't ever want to celebrate Mother's Day again

71 replies

notanotheronef · 27/03/2022 21:28

It's my first Mother's Day and it has been horrible, I don't ever want to acknowledge Mother's Day again. I'm heartbroken I've been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl.

OP posts:
BrokenRecords · 27/03/2022 23:49

Ignore any rude comments you will get. OP you have been let down and of course you have every right to be upset. I hope you treat yourself tomorrow to a Mother's Day re run where you do what you want with your child. Atleast you don't have to fork out for a Father's Day gift now Smile

FrownedUpon · 27/03/2022 23:53

Your DP is the problem, not Mother’s Day. He sounds awful.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/03/2022 23:54

Dreaming about how a particular day might be sets everyone up for failure, because it can never be exactly as you’d dreamed it would be. Did you tell him what you wanted to happen? For some folk a dream Mother’s Day is getting a cup of tea in bed, for others being taken for a nice lunch, for others getting through the day in one piece is a challenge - did he know what your hopes were?

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teaandtoastwithmarmite · 27/03/2022 23:58

Your DP is a dickhead. Make sure you ignore Father's Day.

Howmanysleepsnow · 27/03/2022 23:58

Play the long game, OP! Mothers’ Day doesn’t come into its own until they’re older. Around 3-4 you get hand made cards and a gift they picked out from the tat in the school mothers’ day sale (I love the thought they put in, and the random choices that result!). By 7 you get toast brought to you in bed, and more handmade cards.
This year my DS(8) decided to take me out (DH is away) so DS(10) googled for somewhere new to go and the two of them packed a picnic. DD(14) bought me a new top and wrote the longest ever message in a card and DS(16) bought me a summer dress “because I always look happiest when it’s warm enough for summer clothes”.
Wait and you’ll get your day. It’ll come when the DC are big enough to lead on it, or at least have input.
Flowers

DoctorMarten · 27/03/2022 23:59

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

Your DP is a dickhead. Make sure you ignore Father's Day.
Exactly. Sod him!
BitOutOfPractice · 28/03/2022 00:00

@askingaquestion1 so you are not his mother (merely the the mother of his children) so he doesn’t have ri make an effort.

Yet you’re supposed to be getting flowers organised for his mother -who isn’t your mother - but somehow you have to make the effort.

Fuck that!

80sMum · 28/03/2022 00:04

It was mean of your partner to say that he was going to do something nice for you but then not do it. Letting you down in that way is very unkind, regardless of what day it is.

I agree with others who say that you're rather over-invested emotionally. I highly recommend that you lower your expectations significantly, to avoid a lifetime of disappointment.

jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 28/03/2022 00:06

I think that Mothers/primary care givers should be valued in some thought or deed as often as possible. It does feel as though it is one token day which can seem over hyped and over marketed.

Mum prefers to have us do something for her Mothers Day or not. JUst deeds and thoughts and kindness.

I think you feel most heartbroken OP because he broke his promise and you were building this up in your head. Its a bit like Christmas, all the build up followed by mass anti climax.

When you're calmer explain to him exactly why it is so important to you. Then it will not come across as a list of demands/ expectations but instead will reinforce the sentiment that this is a very special day for you.

Congrats on becoming a new mum btw Flowers

FlowerArranger · 28/03/2022 00:11

Oh @notanotheronef - there's more to this than MD, isn't there...
If you have any inkling that he is not the one for you, start planning your escape sooner rather than later.
Doesn't mean you have to walk out now or any time soon, but knowledge/ independence = power.
Don't allow yourself to get trapped in the SAHM track.
Go back to work, even if it's tough.
Don't become one of those women stuck with a partner who doesn't pull his weight, a father who doesn't take on an equal share of parenting - aka as a selfish git...
Flowers

Weatherwax13 · 28/03/2022 00:16

Your partner's attitude is really hurtful and childish.
It doesn't take a freaking genius to think to buy some flowers. At the very least he could've apologised and taken over baby duty for the evening.

THEDEACON · 28/03/2022 00:45

It's a DP problem not a Mothering Sunday problem

EishetChayil · 28/03/2022 03:36

The most important thing is that you have your baby daughter. That's what Mother's Day is about.

Someone shared a story about spending Mother's Day in the NICU with their daughter after losing their son. THAT is something to be sad about. OP, your situation is not the same as this. It's incomparable. Please be grateful for what you have, and keep things in perspective.

Cocogreen · 28/03/2022 04:20

Did he do anything for his own mother?

Newtonred · 28/03/2022 04:29

Make sure you respond in kind for Father’s Day

Newtonred · 28/03/2022 04:32

“ EishetChayil” if people kept things in perspective there would be no posts on mumsnet.
Yep what you described is far worse but that does not stop the OP being upset for what has happened to her.

People are getting upset about rising costs in this country which is nothing compared to what is happening in the Ukraine people still have a right to be upset about it

Newtonred · 28/03/2022 04:33

EishetChayil if people kept things in perspective there would be no posts on mumsnet.
Yep what you described is far worse but that does not stop the OP being upset for what has happened to her.
People are getting upset about rising costs in this country which is nothing compared to what is happening in the Ukraine people still have a right to be upset about it if people kept things in perspective there would be no posts on mumsnet.
Yep what you described is far worse but that does not stop the OP being upset for what has happened to her.
People are getting upset about rising costs in this country which is nothing compared to what is happening in the Ukraine but people still have a right to be upset about it

EdgeOfACoin · 28/03/2022 04:37

I'm so sorry - your husband really let you down here. Is he normally like this?

Of course your partner should make an effort for Mother's Day - you're the mother of his child and presumably just six weeks post birth! That should mean something! I don't understand why people on here are saying that because you're not his mother you shouldn't expect anything from him. They must have low standards in their relationships.

I would have a conversation with him about it tomorrow.

MrsFatArse · 28/03/2022 05:30

askingaquestion1

What have you got feel guilty about? Your dp can send flowers to their mum! Why is it your job? If your MIL is unhappy they didn't receive flowers then that's a problem they can take up with their dc about why they can't be arsed to order flowers for their mum and palm the job off to someone else! Your MIL has a dc problem!

TracyMosby · 28/03/2022 06:41

There are so many women with depressingly low expectations of men on this thread.

Op, do not take on the role of buying birthday / anniversary / Christmas presents for his family ever.

Packit · 28/03/2022 06:48

don’t worry op, when your little one goes to school they make mother’s day cards in the classroom, and learn it’s your special day. when my kids were old enough i told them i really like to be taken out for day/lunch any thing to mark the occasion and they’ve remembered that. i got flowers and a nice bed jacket this year. 🥰

MrsPear · 28/03/2022 06:53

Ok op do has laid down what he feels and you now copy him. Don’t acknowledge Father’s Day:

Although i fear you have bigger issues.

BearBibble · 28/03/2022 07:04

OP is your DH good at other things? Mine's crap at remembering special days - he always does a little something for my birthday but Mothers Day, Valentine's etc may as well not exist. I don't really mind because he's generally thoughtful and supportive on a day-to-day basis so I don't need the "special days" to feel loved. If yours is generally rubbish then that's different.
6 weeks post-partum is hard. It took us a good 3 months to really start feeling settled into parenthood and this new life we had, and we both had to cut each other and ourselves a lot of slack in the interim.

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2022 07:05

Why are you with someone who makes no effort for you? Mother’s Day isn’t the problem here

Oblomov22 · 28/03/2022 07:16

Mothers Day is lovely. Stop dissing the wrong thing. Your dp is a twat and you are silly to put up with it.

I had the loveliest day ever yesterday and Dh cooked a fab meal.

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