My ideal funeral.

[ApolloandDaphne]

Ok, I have Covid and although not likely to die soon I have talked through with my DH my ideal funeral.

The full 23 minute of Echoes by Pink Floyd.
Sling me in the burny pit.
Go out to itchyco park by the Small faces.
Retire to the pub for sausage rolls and gin.

I am honoured. Thank you for coming.

What would be you ideal send off!

Benefit of donating your body to science is if you get murdered and no-one notices then hopefully they'll find out during the dissection and bring the perp to justice (happened on Silent Witness so it must be true)

Small funeral, eco coffin.

Not nineteen forever as song.

Everyone wearing one item of bright clothing.

@FourLittleStars
This bears repeating.

I do voluntary work in funerals and at the beginning of covid, when funerals were outside only, maximum of 6 mourners, a lot of people struggled. They didn't want to choose who not to have attend, so they didn't have anyone

Now, two years on, and we're seeing more and more memorial services booked in as significant dates come around

The overwhelming feedback has been how much families struggled to process, grieve and have an "end point" after a death with no funeral. A funeral can often be the deep release of breath, after holding it for so long.

I can see how a semi-enforced direct to crem or no service burial during lockdown would be extremely difficult for some families but the fact that you are dealing with people who have struggled with it doesn't mean a direct to crem is going to cause issues for other families that chose it. I don't know what your volunteer work is but I guess you are not going to be in contact with people who were happy with their choice to have a no service funeral.??
We've just had a direct to crem funeral for a family member with no service or big get together at all. I know it was the right choice for our family. We are good at talking about things so maybe that helps.

I'm also curious about what people mean when they say 'closure'. It feels a bit of a meaningless statement to me. Surely the person dying is the closure bit?
I can definitely see why many families have funerals though. I just don't think there should be any expectation that you 'should' have one.

I have to say that we also got a kick out of not having to pay thousands of pounds to a funeral director. We did it online.

Sorry for typos

Sums it up

Direct funeral for me, with my vicar friend doing the none religious send off.
Music will be Always look on the bright side of life by Monty python.
Followed by a piss up in the pub.
My ashes are to be sent back home in a jiffy bag to be scattered there, followed by another piss up.

[quote EveryCloudIsGrey]@FourLittleStars
This bears repeating.

I do voluntary work in funerals and at the beginning of covid, when funerals were outside only, maximum of 6 mourners, a lot of people struggled. They didn't want to choose who not to have attend, so they didn't have anyone

Now, two years on, and we're seeing more and more memorial services booked in as significant dates come around

The overwhelming feedback has been how much families struggled to process, grieve and have an "end point" after a death with no funeral. A funeral can often be the deep release of breath, after holding it for so long.

I can see how a semi-enforced direct to crem or no service burial during lockdown would be extremely difficult for some families but the fact that you are dealing with people who have struggled with it doesn't mean a direct to crem is going to cause issues for other families that chose it. I don't know what your volunteer work is but I guess you are not going to be in contact with people who were happy with their choice to have a no service funeral.??
We've just had a direct to crem funeral for a family member with no service or big get together at all. I know it was the right choice for our family. We are good at talking about things so maybe that helps.

I'm also curious about what people mean when they say 'closure'. It feels a bit of a meaningless statement to me. Surely the person dying is the closure bit?
I can definitely see why many families have funerals though. I just don't think there should be any expectation that you 'should' have one.

I have to say that we also got a kick out of not having to pay thousands of pounds to a funeral director. We did it online.

[/quote]
I'm so glad it worked for you and your family. It's so important to get it right for people. And I'm sorry for the loss of your family member.

Closure, for me, was the finality of the funeral. When my DC2 died shortly after birth (very prem birth), until we'd had the funeral, I felt like I couldn't concentrate on processing his death, because he still existed in the world.

We were going to go straight to crem with no service and just collect his ashes but in the end, I felt like it was important to mark his short life.

When we knew DC3 was going to be stillborn (very, very prem) I was content with being part of a group service of remembrance rather than have an individual funeral.

I agree with you that there should be no expectation of a funeral or a wake. But it does, for many people, provide that finality of being able to say goodbye "officially" and mourn publicly. Grief is such a personal journey.

@FourLittleStars
I'm so sorry for the loss of your little ones. That is so sad. I can see why you would want to do something like a funeral or a group service of remembrance.

My family member who died was older and we knew they were dying for quite a while. We had had such a long time to process our thoughts that when they finally died there was no doubt that a direct to cremation with no service or ashes was right for us all.

It's good that there are different options for people these days. Hopefully it will be easier for every family to work out what is best for them when someone dies now that their are more options.