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Original poster

Social Media Mother's Day

37 replies

Adventurine · 27/03/2022 19:32

Sometimes, social media makes me feel so bad.

Mostly I roll my eyes at the parade of self congratulation and cryptic posts. But today, all I asked for was not to have to make dinner. I didn't get gifts, I got cards. I love the cards. I didn't get the cards or a "happy Mother's Day" from my teen kids until well into the afternoon. My DH was on a night shift so he doesn't typically get up until about 12, but today he didn't until almost 3 because he had to stay on site to report on an accident someone had so he didn't get to bed until later.

I'm recovering from Covid and caring round the clock for my oldest. I'm exhausted and struggling. But I didn't even get so much as a cup of tea made for me today, much less the dinner I hoped for, because my oldest needed a huge amount of support today having just caught Covid and my other two also needed care considering they too are getting over Covid. And ALL OVER social media today are posts from men surprising their mums or partners with lovely meals, spa breaks, trips to London. Photos of kids giving their perfectly made up and filtered mums breakfast in bed and baskets of gifts. Lots of pictures of the mums holding glasses of wine and long, heartfelt posts from their partners about what wonderful mothers they are and how much they do.

It made me feel really unappreciated and unseen. It wouldn't normally but today it really did.

OP posts:
2022IamHavingYa · 27/03/2022 19:34

Same here. Worst day I’ve had since the midst of lockdown. Actually hate being a mother today (and I bought my own flowers)

Original poster
Adventurine · 27/03/2022 20:25

@2022IamHavingYa

Same here. Worst day I’ve had since the midst of lockdown. Actually hate being a mother today (and I bought my own flowers)
I just feel really as if I deserved something more than lukewarm acknowledgement. I've worked so so hard for my family and to see everyone else being absolutely showered with praise and love and gifts made me feel a bit like I'd done all the work for a group project and everyone else got the award.
OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/03/2022 20:29

Don’t forget that most of what goes on social media is just for show. Most people don’t post the shitty parts of their day especially on days like today.

Take care of yourself and get some rest

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Events & celebrations
Crazydogmumma · 27/03/2022 20:30

Sending you both Flowers
Try not to dwell on the boasting social media posts- things are rarely what they seem to be on social media.

Tonkerbea · 27/03/2022 20:45

Empty vessels make the loudest noise.

People like to boast on SM to make themselves feel good, it's more often than not a glossy version of life loosely based on reality.

Hang tight OP, I hope you can get a break soon Flowers

User280905 · 27/03/2022 20:47

My teenager got up and said "Why is there never any milk in this house?"

It was in the fridge, where I'd put it after making my own Mother's Day breakfast and cup of tea.

KeepYaHeadUp · 27/03/2022 20:48

The social media stuff isn't real. Do t let it trick you. I'm sorry you weren't made to feel appreciated today though. That's shit.

Lady0racle · 27/03/2022 20:51

I know social media is bollocks. I know that. But.

I’m a single mum. I gave my DCs a few pounds to buy me a card a couple of weeks ago because I know they like to get me one and it wouldn’t occur to my ex to facilitate it.

They eked out the money and got me a bar of chocolate as well which I wasn’t expecting so that was sweet. But I have never been spoiled on Mothers Day and it won’t happen now until my kids are old enough to take me out for lunch themselves. Which they might in 10-15 years I suppose!

YellowFlowersForever · 27/03/2022 20:57

Happy Mother’s Day to you all! ❤️

Not everything you see on social media is the truth.

LateMumma · 27/03/2022 20:57

Absolutely awful day. I feel horribly unseen. 💐 to those who feel the same

PeonyRose80 · 27/03/2022 20:58

I had to buy my own gifts despite being shopping with my husband at the time… kids 10 and 11, I then had to book and pay for my own afternoon tea with kids and husband because I knew if I didn’t it would just be any other sunday.
My social media is full too and I had a wonderful day so could post pics that would imply my husband is so thoughtful but that would be fake so I won’t be. Everyone I know will just assume I did nothing. I actually feel embarrassed I had to organise it all and pay for it myself. Sorry just ranting - I feel very unappreciated most the time.

Hippywannabe · 27/03/2022 21:04

Ha, I actually found myself asking my nearly 31 year old DS3 to post on my FB as I was jealous of friends.
He correctly told me to give my head a wobble as we sat in the sun with his heavily pregnant partner lol.
DS1 (asd) sent a lovely jug via Amazon, he doesn't do appreciation so this was a surprise (followed by a request to borrow the money it presumably cost)
And DS2 is busy arresting people who aren't having good Mothering Sundays so sent takeaway money and phoned.
In the scheme of things, it feels hard when you look at social media but really, we all know that it only captures a few curated moments.
Hope you are feeling OK now.

CarbonelCat · 27/03/2022 21:05

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

From my observations/people I know - I think a lot of women sort out their own stuff. So most of the meals and days out you've seen are not surprises etc.

Social media is not real life.

LimeSupper · 27/03/2022 21:06

It’s not a social media issue, it’s an issue with your DH/ DC depending on their ages. Sit them down and tell them what you would like in future. Actually, unlike people on here seem to like to state, not everyone posting loving messages on social media is secretly very unhappy 😂 it’s just one day a year when people post about loving their mothers/ people thanking their children’s mothers publicly - just don’t go online on Mother’s Day if it will upset you OP.

NearlyHeadlessNick · 27/03/2022 21:06

Yanbu.

I made the mistake of scrolling Facebook today and seeing all the gushy posts that made me feel shit and jealous in equal measure! Gushy posts from husbands, people with homemade pancakes for breakfast, all sorts.
I'm rotten with covid, had to get up with the DC at 5.30 after a terrible nights sleep, nothing from husband on behalf of kids (just 4 and 2), I get that we've been isolating with covid but he's been asymptomatic. I'm not materialistic, I'm really not. he could have got them making a craft or a lovely picture or anything, we have plenty of art supplies!
He got up a while later and made himself a coffee, until I asked whether he'd made me one, when he looked entirely surprised Hmm.
Unappreciated and unseen Sad

Original poster
Adventurine · 27/03/2022 21:07

@PeonyRose80

I had to buy my own gifts despite being shopping with my husband at the time… kids 10 and 11, I then had to book and pay for my own afternoon tea with kids and husband because I knew if I didn’t it would just be any other sunday. My social media is full too and I had a wonderful day so could post pics that would imply my husband is so thoughtful but that would be fake so I won’t be. Everyone I know will just assume I did nothing. I actually feel embarrassed I had to organise it all and pay for it myself. Sorry just ranting - I feel very unappreciated most the time.
I understand. I also haven't posted anything because I feel it would be woefully inadequate in comparison to many, and I just know people who have been posting their new designer handbags and tickets to concerts would chime in with "aww, that's what matters" if I shared my card my son made for me. And it would piss me off.
OP posts:
Cocomarine · 27/03/2022 21:10

My teen burst into my room this morning and announced, “I’ve brought you the best present you’ll ever have - me!” and then grinned widely when I said it was true.

Couldn’t give a shit what other people do, or post on social media. I know she loves me.

Tyrozet · 27/03/2022 21:11

I think you need to have words with your family - you say you are caring for your children so I'm assuming they might need help from Dad to organise something, but he should be supporting them or organising on their behalf if they can't manage.
I know many people who think Mother's Day is just a way of getting people to spend money, but as you say even a cup of tea and a chance to put your feet up and feel cherished means an awful lot.
I had a simple day, did some nice things for myself and DS did get me a card and a gift - but he also spent most of the day in his room ignoring me. I could have photographed the gifts and gushed on facebook about how wonderful it all was, but in reality it was just another day, a nice day, but not a huge showy celebration.
Try to ignore the shite people post on SM and tell your family you'd like them to make an effort to give you a day off and let you feel special 💐

Original poster
Adventurine · 27/03/2022 21:12

@LimeSupper

It’s not a social media issue, it’s an issue with your DH/ DC depending on their ages. Sit them down and tell them what you would like in future. Actually, unlike people on here seem to like to state, not everyone posting loving messages on social media is secretly very unhappy 😂 it’s just one day a year when people post about loving their mothers/ people thanking their children’s mothers publicly - just don’t go online on Mother’s Day if it will upset you OP.
I did tell them precisely what I would like. I deliberately made it incredibly easy so that if we had a hard day with DD and her condition, I could still feel something was done to celebrate me. And it didn't happen. Nobody made any moves to make it happen. Nobody mentioned it, even to say that they didn't think they'd be able to manage it. So I just blinked back a few tears of disappointment and made dinner myself. DH has since messaged to say he feels really bad that he didn't do more. Yes, DH, that's all well and good. Don't you imagine I might feel really bad that you didn't do more?
OP posts:
LimeSupper · 27/03/2022 21:14

Aw sorry OP! Could you give them another chance? Just say let’s celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow instead. You can make me dinner at home or something?

Original poster
Adventurine · 27/03/2022 21:19

Honestly, I don't know if it upsets me more that the difficulty of life right now got in the way of me taking a much needed day off, or if I'm annoyed that everyone else I know got so much and were so publicly lauded. My own family have been all over the platforms, photos of stacks of gifts and huge bouquets and towering afternoon teas. I feel that the silence from my DH regarding me won't be missed by them.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 27/03/2022 21:20

My FB feed was just full of Ukrainian mothers asking for sponsors today, which put things into perspective.

I had been feeling a bit narked about Dh being away on a business trip, meaning I had to do all the cooking/washing/bins out etc myself, and the dc had forgotten it was Mother’s Day till I pointed it out to them at lunchtime, when they sheepishly scuttled off to make a couple of cards.

Then I scrolled through FB while drinking a cuppa I made for myself, and the heartbreaking stories on there gave me the kick up the bum I needed.

WhatHaveIFound · 27/03/2022 21:30

To be honest I only post the good bits of life on SM so I would expect that everyone's Mothers Day is just that. Which is why I went out of my way to avoid it today.

It's rubbish when you don't feel appreciated though, especially if you've been supporting everyone else. No excuse but I guess it wasn't top of your teen's minds if they have or are getting over Covid.

Only a single card from DD here so you're not alone. DS forgot and DH is working away though I did get a lovely message from a friend.

ImAvingOops · 27/03/2022 21:31

What have you said to your dh? That text is looking for you to let him off the hook and make him feel better for organising nothing.
I think that sometimes all the circumstances combine to result in a bad day - your dh having to stay late at work, your kids being I'll etc. But you have to not quietly accept the shot that could be avoided. Tell your husband and kids that you are sad and disappointed that they haven't do much as jade you a cup of tea.

ThatsNotMyMuffin · 27/03/2022 21:35

Sorry you're feeling crap OP but firstly you're clearly following the wrong people. I suggest a social media cull. My Instagram feed is a mixture today: some people had a lovely day, some are overworked, tired, lonely, missing their mums, got COVID. It's a story of all types of motherhood.

Secondly, you definitely deserve more. Issue clear guidelines and ask your family yo make sure next year is better!

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