When did it become socially acceptable to have a baby without being married?

[Lambsandchicks]

1990s? Or before that? Any history/sociology experts around?

@Northernlurker

Janet Ellis was sacked from Blue Peter in the early eighties for being pregnant. I think as many people thought that ridiculous as thought it reasonable so after that. I had dd in 98 and we did get married but we did'nt have to iyswim

Janet Ellis was not sacked by BP

My mother was unmarried when she had me in 1962 and I had DS unmarried in 1983. We were both very much not the norm and people were very disapproving. I dont think things really started to improve substantially until the mid 90's.

I was born in 1968. My parents were both married - but not to each other...
Small town in Kent. My Mother says she was frequently spat in the street. I remember going to my half-brother's wedding when I was 22 in 1990 & folk talked about it at the reception. Bloody idiots.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Oh wow - so it is a true story! And how amazing that you met the real Philomena! Somehow, it’s difficult to picture her as anyone other than Dame Judi.
Sounds like you’ve led a remarkable life. And I’d forgotten their name: Magdalen Laundries. But to not have closed until 1990 is appalling. They were so cruel in the movie, it’s hard to believe human beings can treat others this badly and still call themselves Christian.

I was born out of wedlock in 1988, my grandad didn’t talk to my mum for months.
My dads Nan was very religious, one of her daughters was a nun, they were not very happy and I’m pretty sure gave my dad a lecture, not that he gave one.... they were fine in the end. I wonder what she’d think now with 8 great grandchildren and 4 soon to be 5 great great grandchildren being born out of wedlock.

I remember attitudes starting to change in the late 1960s, speeding up in the 1970s and pretty much like now by the end of the 80s.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I remember attitudes starting to change in the late 1960s, speeding up in the 1970s and pretty much like now by the end of the 80s.

That was in London. May have happened more gradually in other areas.

I was born in 79 to a single mother with no father around and there were definitely opinions, she thinks she had less of it as she lived in a small place with a large family and her parents, my grandparents were very supportive of her, but there were comments. She was part of a little group of mum friends that were in similar circumstances, she didn’t have many married mum friends. I think early 90s it started changing.

In Tudor times a lot of working-class and middle-class couples wouldn’t marry until the bride was pregnant cos they needed kids as labourers.

My parents divorced in the 90s when I was a young teenager and there were school friends who were forbidden to play with me after that. We were just a normal working class family.

And, "Yes' to the stigma being carried by the child. My Mum wasn't truthful with me until I came home from Primary school and asked her what 'a Bastard' was. The Head knew & it had been mentioned in front of other kids. I knew there were parties I would never be invited to no matter how hard I tried.

My gran was born out of wedlock in the 30’s. She was brought up by her grandparents (thought her mother was her sister for most of her life). She was looked down on by her uncles/brothers and wondered why.

@NeedleNoodle3

I think around 1990. I had my first DC in 1988 and the scan lady asked if I was having my baby adopted.

Gosh - that's quite shocking . That someone in her position would say that to you . I wonder if by the 1980s there was a generational split - I had friends in the 80s who has babies outside of marriage and I wouldn't have seen it as a big deal but I was in my 20s at the time - perhaps it was more of a big deal to older people who had grown up with the idea of it being a stigma . Similarly to this I did have friends whose parents were horrified by the idea of them living with their partners outside of marriage .

My Mum was married when she had my eldest sibling in 1978, but all the women on the ward were called “Mrs” even if they weren’t married “to avoid embarrassment”.

I think it was in the 80s that the Times blamed all the ills of society on single mothers?

DF was absolutely furious that I had stayed at my boyfriends house. Apparently his parents should not have permitted this. I was 19 (mid 80s). If I had got pregnant DF would have spontaneously combusted. Apparently sex outside of marriage was atrocious and should be illegal (in DF's mind).

Mind, I realised years later that he was a complete hypocrite as DB1 was born less than 7 months after parents married and DB1 was a healthy 8 pound baby.

My niece had a baby in the 2010s.
She was still at school (and not married).
She had to leave school (not in the UK).
She’s done brilliantly, but it was a very hard time for her.

So I would say it varies.

People definitely still cared late 80s, early 90s where I grew up (posh suburbs of a large city).

My brother and his girlfriend moved in together and it caused outrage! 🤣 we're not even religious and the term 'living in sin' was banded about. My parents and the girlfriends parents were both aghast. I remember Mum telling close friends almost in tears and eyebrows raising all over the place! Lol.

15yrs later when it was my turn - no one cared. Infact the opposite - it was all 'when are you two going to move in together'.

I think there is also a difference between areas of the country. My cousin lived with her boyfriend before she married in London in the early 80s and she was very much she could not tell anyone in our rural village as they would have been appalled.

@Moodycow78

My parents divorced in the 90s when I was a young teenager and there were school friends who were forbidden to play with me after that. We were just a normal working class family.

Yeah! Me too. Late 80s. I was dropped from the lead in the school play. I was 7yrs old!

Single parenthood is still the fastest route to poverty, allegedly. But it doesn’t take into account what the mother was doing in the first place - or how many DC you have.

There’s a big difference between a GP with a schoolchild and a long-term workless singleton with 3 or more children ranging from adults to babies.

I had comments made to me in 2008. We were engaged and co habitating for a good few years. We were as good as married. I still remember the people who made the comments and what they said. I will never forgive them for it.
Here in Ireland though, it is crazy to think a little over 10 years earlier and I could have been in a mother and babies home. A lot of these women didn't have a choice in getting pregnant. It wasn't just Ireland that this happened in though and I think a lot more will come out.
Shame on anyone who treated a woman or child differently or harshly because they weren't from a married home.

Agree on the divorce point. I remember a couple of parents friends getting divorced in the 90s and it was very “shameful”. Theses wouldn’t get invited over to other peoples houses. All talked about in hushed tones.

I had a friend who was an unmarried primary school teacher and a group of parents wrote a letter of complaint to the head when they found out she was pregnant. That was 1994.