When did it become socially acceptable to have a baby without being married?

[Lambsandchicks]

1990s? Or before that? Any history/sociology experts around?

Totally the 80s. When did mother and baby homes stop?

@Lambsandchicks

Both, I suppose. People were so incredibly cruel about illegitimate children once, and I wondered if WW2 was the turning point but it seems women were forced to give babies up for adoption if they were unmarried right up to the 70s/80s. And I suppose you wouldn’t go from that to no one caring if you were married or not. I’ve been reading a book where the main character is quizzed about whether she is married or not when she goes to claim benefits - I think it’s set early 80s.

I was born in 1980 and a few of my friends had divorced parents.

The world has moved on a little since then thank goodness. I look forward to the day when people won't use the word illegitimate when referring to children any more.

I was born in London in 1968 to a single mother. I was then sent to live with grandparents because even my mother was ashamed of me. Pretty sure if abortion had been allowed, she’d have had one.
When i was 26 and unmarried, I told my mother I was pregnant and she was absolutely horrified and worried about what people would say. That was 1993. No one had anything to say by the way.

I was just thinking of Lynne Reid Banks' novel The L-Shaped Room, published in 1960, which is about a young woman who's thrown out by her father when she becomes pregnant. But she makes friends and keeps the baby.

In answer to the op who says she isn't allowed to partake in certain things in her church because she is an unmarried mother. I have a friend who is unmarried, has never lived with her daughter's father, has since studied divinity and gone on to become a vicar! This is in rural Scotland, she has gone on to marry a fellow vicar but there is no way anyone would mistake her child for that of her husband as her child's father was of a different racial background. She has always been very active in any local church she where she has lived and been welcomed. This is 20 years ago!!

I was at secondary school 1984 to 1990. It was definitely still not acceptable during that time - if anyone we knew had a baby out of marriage it was a big deal.

I was at Uni 1990 to 1994, definitely during that and absolutely by the end, it was acceptable.

This was in Scotland, central belt.

My cousin got married in 2004 and his first child was due about 8 months after the wedding. My aunt (his mum) was scandalised and amazed that he and his wife were just telling people the actual due date instead of lying about it so that it looked like the baby was conceived after the wedding. Everyone else thought she was bonkers …

When my (then unmarried) mother got pregnant in 1982 she was really embarrassed and a shot gun wedding (to the entirely unsuitable father) was hastily arranged. She quit her job as a teacher because of the shame too.

I had a dc in 1988 and 1989, unmarried. Had another when married a few years later and was treated very differently by the general public when I was married with children than when I wasn’t.
Both eldest children have had children whilst not married but both very settled, no one even thinks about it now.

My parents cancelled their big fancy white wedding for the following year and had a small registry office and village hall celebration sooner because dm was pregnant with me, want visible at the wedding nor known by the guests, who would've been able to work out out when I turned up six months later... That was 1985. They also didn't live together until married, DFs parents were Catholic (he wasn't as an adult) but DMs were not religious at all so I think it was for social expectations rather than religious ones.

I was born in 1973 and my mum was unmarried single parent. It was definitely looked down upon then and I can remember as a child feeling like other adults (parents of friends etc.) disaproved. Less so in the 80s though as I got to high school.

I think it was more of a gradual process.
People became more relaxed about sex outside of marriage (for whatever reasons), and then, gradually, about pregnancy outside of marriage.
I would say it was "OK" by the 80s/90s (depending on your community). Although of course single mothers existed before then, but I think it was less frowned upon than in the 70s or before.

There seems to have been a few parallel universes in the 80’s and 90’s.

Lots of very very different experiences. Living together early to mid 80’s was just the norm in my university circles.

And of course, a few people are more rigid/traditional and will judge, but in general, as a society, nobody cares these days.

In Ireland, it was when they brought in a lone parent or single mother's allowance as it was called then. About 1986.

But I still think it was considered a bit shabby another decade or two, maybe still. Like a lot of older 'respectable' women my mother's generation they wouldn't look down on single mothers or say or do anything unkind, but they would have been upset if their own daughter was a single mother.

Definitely something comment worthy in my childhood ( urban Scotland) I was born late 70s.

Only one kid in my class with an unmarried Mum. Quite a few with divorced parents.

But then even now in my social circle I only have two couples who are unmarried after long relationships (one pair have a kid, other couple don’t).

None of us are religious. It’s just people are treading a “conventional” path. Paying for a wedding also not difficult.

@GirlsTalk250

Odd assumption in the OP, it’s still not socially acceptable to have DC out of wedlock.

Well, the stalwarts of the parish and ladies at the women's institute do agree with you.

Michael Crawford's Mum was unmarried when she had him during the 1940s...She went away to have him. She sent her family a coded telegram after his birth.
He called his autobiography "Parcel Arrived Safely Tied With String" after the coded message.
If he had been a girl it would have been "Parcel Arrived Safely." ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I was pregnant in 1987. A number of people tried to persuade me to marry my daughter's dad (now my ex). Thank god I didn't! However, I didn't get a lot of grief for not being married.

I’m not sure the WI agree!

Isn’t it a hotbed of socialism? My WI is very very liberal and left wing.

I was married but only perso I know who has both children to same dad but 1960s I guess as then the pill was released so if you got pregnant you must have been stupid but such is life and men had protection too Takes two to Tango

I think 1980s and it is linked to changes in benefit payments.

www.resolutionfoundation.org/app/uploads/2019/11/The-shifting-shape-of-social-security.pdf

Aweso

Someone in our family did in mid 1980s. Older members of the family were really shocked. We weren't.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I’m not sure the WI agree!

Isn’t it a hotbed of socialism? My WI is very very liberal and left wing.

Apologies, I was thinking of the Mothers Union perhaps