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Original poster

Buying house without DH knowing

39 replies

Champagneforeveryone · 26/03/2022 18:20

Not as nefarious as it sounds I promise!

We viewed a house last year and fell absolutely in love with it, put in an offer that was accepted but then ran into a mortgage issue (a CCJ that I was completely unaware of and has subsequently been set aside by the court) which meant we had to pull out. We were gutted but moved on.

Today the property has reappeared on RightMove Shock

We are currently in rented and in a good position. The agent wants offers in by Monday lunchtime and my mortgage broker is currently working feverishly to get a DIP in place (mine ran out 2 days ago!)

For boring reasons the mortgage and house will be completely in my name and completely funded by me - DH is 100% aware of this and in complete agreement. There is no reason at all for him to be involved in the purchase process in any way (we've recently had a further purchase collapse and his only involvement with that was to view it with me)

Would it be utterly mad to go ahead (if my offer is accepted) in secret and surprise him on completion day with the keys?

On paper it sounds great, if perhaps a bit Instagram worthy (I wouldn't be posting videos or anything!) DH and I still talk wistfully about the house and we are both aware that our current rental is not a long term solution. I wouldn't consider doing it if he hadn't seen the house but he's viewed it twice already and loved it.

On the other hand it's a big surprise to pull off Confused

OP posts:
Feather12 · 26/03/2022 18:23

I don’t really see the point and I love surprises.

MMMarmite · 26/03/2022 18:24

You know him best but personally i would hate that. A house move is a stressful life event, even if it's a move you want, you need time to prepare. Plus it would be difficult to hide so he might notice that you were hiding something, and then become worried.

SWS17 · 26/03/2022 18:24

Lovely thought but I wouldn’t… a house purchase is too big a deal for that. I note the position on funding but nevertheless I think it should be shared venture that you embark on excitedly together…

Best of luck and hope you get the house!

floofycroissant · 26/03/2022 18:24

I don't see the point and I'd be livid if anyone made such a massive decision about my life without my input - even if it was my dream house.

House purchases are not straight forward or particularly fast atm, anything could happen whilst you're waiting to complete - fall in love with another house, job loss etc.

I get that your heart is in the right place, but it could make them feel undermined.

SoupDragon · 26/03/2022 18:26

Despite it being on your name and funded by you, presumably it will be his home.

I don't think this is the sort of surprise you should spring on anyone!

SoupDragon · 26/03/2022 18:26

Surprise him with a viewing, yes, but the whole purchase? Not a good idea.

Williamshatnershorses · 26/03/2022 18:26

I love the sentiment but no, this is too big a thing to be a surprise.

DarkCorner · 26/03/2022 18:27

Ah wow, in your position (assuming your dh likes surprises), I’d do it but surprise him on exchange of contracts rather than completion. So it’s all sorted but he has a chance to get excited and get his head round moving! How exciting - good luck!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/03/2022 18:27

No. Its too big a decision. Its technically both of yours even if one name is on deeds as you're married.

ZaraSizeMedium · 26/03/2022 18:28

No not a good idea.

TraderFoe · 26/03/2022 18:28

No, as others have said moving home is too big a thing to be surprised with.

GoldenGorilla · 26/03/2022 18:28

A friend was surprised with a house in similar circumstances and it caused lots of issues. I think she found it very controlling/presumptuous, wondered what other secrets he could keep so well, but also felt like she should be grateful and appreciative of the house so it was all a bit of a mess!

It’s the kind of thing people do in films as a grand romantic gesture but in real life is a bit off.

So I wouldn’t.

If you like the idea of surprising him with it, tell him if/when your offer is accepted. Don’t do a whole house purchase secretly that would be really odd.

Original poster
Champagneforeveryone · 26/03/2022 18:29

All good points that I think I was trying to put my finger on!

He's aware the house has been re-listed and would be happy to proceed. He thinks we can't afford it as we're out of pocket after the previous purchase - this is partly true on paper but I can make it work.

We are not looking at other houses and had resolved to sit tight in rented for a year, so no likelihood of us falling in love with another property. And my job is secure, for better or worse it does have security in its favour Grin

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 26/03/2022 18:31

I would potentially only keep it a secret up to the point an offer was accepted. No guarantee you won’t get outbid or that the seller will accept you as a buyer seen as you pulled out last time.

But not all the way through the process as that would be weird

Blossom64265 · 26/03/2022 18:31

I am reminded of this skit from Snl

m.youtube.com/watch?v=WcEylCwkSxE

LemonViolet · 26/03/2022 18:32

Surprise, yes, but not when it’s too late to turn back. Get an offer firmly accepted in writing, get the survey and mortgage and everything sorted, then surprise him with that, shortly before exchange. So he still has time to say no. Just in case.

OatSprout · 26/03/2022 18:34

Agree, surprise him with a viewing but not the whole purchase.

For all you know there is something he needs to tell you about a job or health or something but he’s not said yet thinking it’s not crucial.

Also I think it risks making him feel left out and that it is less his home than it is yours.

Surprise viewing then make all the plans together. It will be nicer that way I’m sure

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/03/2022 18:34

No, I wouldn't. At most I would stay quiet until my offer was accepted and the DIP in place. But that would be to shelter him from getting his hopes up only to be dashed. And even that is a bit infantilising.

Tigerblue · 26/03/2022 18:36

No, it's a massive decision and there's a slight chance he's changed his mind.

YellowHpok · 26/03/2022 18:36

I think its actually really controlling, and if a bloke was on here saying he was funding 100% of the move and would be surprising his wife, everyone would be calling it out for controlling/abusive behaviour.

Do you not think he should have a say in where he lives? Or the household finances?

HollowTalk · 26/03/2022 18:40

Part of the fun of having something lovely like this is being able to look forward to it. You are taking that from him. Treat him like an adult and not like a child.

CeleriacOfTheNight · 26/03/2022 18:42

I'd hate it.

It'd present a kind of weird imbalance to the situation.

Sandinmyhooves · 26/03/2022 18:43

Can you actually do that? What about the details on the memorandum of sale, solicitors etc? Surely you need his consent for him be on the deeds?

BornIn78 · 26/03/2022 18:44

I think my DH might feel a bit emasculated by this if I’m being honest.

40Jem · 26/03/2022 18:45

How exactly would you give notice and pack up your current property without telling him?

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