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Original poster

Fed up or am I being an arse?

34 replies

MrsHugget · 26/03/2022 13:01

I'm annoyed at DH. He's asked his mum (not mine) round for Mother's Day tomorrow and asked me to make cream tea "because it's so expensive to buy"
He's now preparing the garden - but whenever he does a house job, he completely absolves himself from any regular house stuff/ child care/ meals/ dog walking.
I've got to go shopping for ingredients and bake cakes (scones tomorrow on the actual day which is MY Mother's Day too) buy the mums flowers and I know he's not bought me a card (I've bought his for his mum).
He's being so selfish isn't he?? I'm at Tesco in the car park and going to buy myself some flowers and fizz

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 26/03/2022 13:02

No is a complete sentence...

Onlyhonest · 26/03/2022 13:03

Can’t your mum come too?

TedMullins · 26/03/2022 13:03

Why are you doing it? Tell him if he wants cream tea he can bake or procure scones himself!

pinkyredrose · 26/03/2022 13:04

I've got to go shopping for ingredients and bake cakes

Oh no you don't!

Sleepyquest · 26/03/2022 13:04

Make your own plans with your children and let him sort his day with his Mother out. And for gods sake, do not bake anything. Buy some pre packaged ones if you have to

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 26/03/2022 13:04

Why are you being a mug about it? I don’t understand I really don’t. Let him buy his own cards and sodding cream tea!

TibetanTerrah · 26/03/2022 13:04

I've got to go shopping for ingredients and bake cakes (scones tomorrow on the actual day which is MY Mother's Day too) buy the mums flowers and I know he's not bought me a card (I've bought his for his mum).

Errrr... no you don't.

Make your own Mother's Day plans, either with your kids or your own Mum, or both, and let him crash and burn with the Mother's Day plans he tried to push you into doing the legwork for so he'd look good.

GeneLovesJezebel · 26/03/2022 13:04

No, he cooks for his mum and you.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2022 13:05

Why are you talking as if you’re a passive participant here? You didn’t have to buy the card. You don’t have to make the cream tea. How come he dictates what you’re doing?

ChairOfInvisibleStudies · 26/03/2022 13:09

Just. Say. No.

jugglerofballs · 26/03/2022 13:12

“No.”

Bdhntbis · 26/03/2022 13:13

Umm no would be my answer - it’s not your mum and if you two have kids together then even more reason not to. Go out for the day to see your mum.

Crunchymum · 26/03/2022 13:15

Utter selfish prick.

Even my useless partner (we don't currently live together, hugely down to how useless he is) has taken our kids out to pick me a card and a small gift.

AgentProvocateur · 26/03/2022 13:18

Why have you agreed to this? Madness.

Sweepingeyelashes · 26/03/2022 13:18

So he's too cheap to spend money and too idle to shop and bake it himself. I wouldn't dream of baking for his mother when it's your Mother's Day too. I would be telling him where to stick the deck chairs. I suggest you ask your mother to lunch and the pair of you go out.

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 13:19

He's being so selfish isn't he?? I'm at Tesco in the car park and going to buy myself some flowers and fizz

Yes and you're being a martyr.

TheChild · 26/03/2022 13:21

If you really need to, buy some pre-made scones and save yourself the bother. Or tell him to do one and go out for a nice lunch by yourself instead.

TooMuchToblerone · 26/03/2022 13:22

Well if you don't refuse, he'll do it again another time.

sparklefarts · 26/03/2022 13:23

I just don't understand why you wouldn't point out what an utter prick he is being?

I would simply say, 'er no, it's Mother's Day. I am a mother also. Good to know your planning something nice tho, I look forward to my surprise from you and the kids'

Or I just would t marry such a prick in the first place

grapewines · 26/03/2022 13:24

You're being a mug. Don't buy his mother a card. Go see your mum tomorrow. I don't know why grown women think they can't say no to their husbands.

You don't have to do anything. But you have implicitly agreed to it by being silently annoyed with him and vocal on here. Time to use your words.

Notanotherwindow · 26/03/2022 13:24

Say no! Stop letting him walk all over you!

Or better still, tell his mother in casual conversation that he hasn't got you a card or done anything for you and has had you making cream tea then sit back and watch her make mincemeat of him. (Only works if MIL is decent person)

THisbackwithavengeance · 26/03/2022 13:24

I don't subscribe to the MN theory that you don't do anything for anyone least of all your DH or his family or you are a mug or 50s housewife.

I think hosting your MIL would be nice; is there any reason why your own mum could not come round as well assuming everyone gets on ok?

However pissing about baking scones would be a no from me unless of course you enjoy baking; surely Tesco's Finest with a bit of clotted cream and jam would be acceptable?

Orgasmagorical · 26/03/2022 13:28

Is there a reason you're not standing up to him, MrsHugget?

Cherrysoup · 26/03/2022 13:36

Why did you buy him a card for his mother when he can’t be arsed to get you one? And why isn’t your mum invited? Like shite I’d be making anything-is he unable to go to the shops?

Original poster
MrsHugget · 26/03/2022 14:10

I've come back and said I'm not doing it. He can buy stuff and host his mum. I'm going to my mum's in the afternoon. I was going to bake for her because I want to so I suppose he thought I could bake for both which isn't unreasonable but the original plan was he went to his mum and delivered snd I did mine. His parents have said "we'll come to you to give the car a run" and that's how we ended up here.
I've just bollocked him for opting out of anything when he does a house job and he has apologised but I'm angry now and realise I've been a mug and a martyr for too long. I do like doing stuff for others but would really like my own treats too. If there's nothing in the morning (brew and toast would be fine ) I'll take myself out and have a morning to myself.
His mum is very 1950s and fully expects me to sort it out for him. I bought the cards earlier in the year when I bought all the year's cards in a batch to save cash and hassle. His mum thinks his role is to work and mine is to "house". She's another story altogether.
Right. I'm not being a martyr. I'm going to have a cup of coffee then take dog snd DS2 out for an ice cream

OP posts:
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