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Original poster

Daughter in tears tonight, turns out she's been sat with a boy all week who is pinching and teasing her 😢

78 replies

TheUsualChaos · 24/03/2022 21:24

DD is year 4 and her class has been shuffled around due to staff sickness. I knew she wasn't too happy this week but thought it was more because she's just not really a fan of change. But tonight she was in floods of tears and it turns out she's been sat with the most disruptive boy in the class and every day this week he's been making nasty comments and pinching and her twisting her arms and making out it's just a joke. I asked her if she told him it hurts and she said no. I think she she doesn't want to show him he's upsetting her and then he will stop it. She hasn't said anything to the teacher, probably partly because it's not her normal teacher this week but also I think she's worried she won't be listened to or made to feel like she's just making a fuss. I'm angry because I've known for a while this particular boy behaves like this and nothing seems to ever get done about it. She's potentially got 2 more years with him, and it will only get worse.
It comes as no surprise that they sat DD who is quiet and studious with the most disruptive child in the class in the hope he won't get to cause trouble. But it sounds like all that's happening is that he's just bullying my daughter on the quiet without any of the staff noticing because DD is trying to grin and bare it Sad

I don't want her to be sat with him again tomorrow as she's clearly had enough of it so how do I best approach this in the morning? WWYD? Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
TheUsualChaos · 24/03/2022 23:40

@RogueBorg that's so awful Sad girls can be vicious. How do you think it could have been dealt with? Some schools do seem to turn a blind eye.

OP posts:
Alcoh · 24/03/2022 23:59

@TheUsualChaos am with you Flowers

worriedatthistime · 24/03/2022 23:59

@Alcoh yes becAuse girls are never mean

burnthur5t · 25/03/2022 00:01

@Alcoh

And this is exactly why my teenage DD is in an all girls school. People hate them. But this is why. Unacceptable

What an odd thing to say. I regularly see posts on here from people who have a DD getting bullied by other girls

worriedatthistime · 25/03/2022 00:04

@TheUsualChaos yes you should say something but yes boys do also just sot there one of mine would and did
Girls also bully , my friends daughter had a terrible time from the girlls
In fact it was harder when a girl was being mean to the boys as with a boy I would say hit back but mine were taught boys don't hit girls
The issue isn't with the sex of the children , the issue is your child is being bullied , physically and the teacher needs to deal with it
My eldest was always put with the naughtiest kids as he was well behaved seems to be a thing some teachers do

worriedatthistime · 25/03/2022 00:12

@Alcoh every experience is different and every child is different what is good for one isn't for another
My boys went fo mixed schools and the bullying between the girls is horrific in certain groups
It just didn't happen much between the boys or boys/ girls
My sons male friend had sexist remarks made against him by a girl when he retaliated with an equal sexist remark only he was punished and it recorded
The irony was he was actually sticking up for a girl who was being bullied by a popular girl, yet he comes out the bad guy , yes he shouldn't of said what he did but its retaliation sometimes and the girl got away scott free

Flickflak · 25/03/2022 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Alcoh · 25/03/2022 00:14

So it’s fine. You make your choices for your daughters and I make mine x

worriedatthistime · 25/03/2022 00:17

@Alcoh yes but don't pretend that all girls are lovely and never mean or that girls can't also be inappropriate

Alcoh · 25/03/2022 00:20

@worriedatthistime if you read back my posts. I never said that

Alcoh · 25/03/2022 00:23

But look to you all. You make your choices based on the clear evidence. And I can make mine.

worriedatthistime · 25/03/2022 00:33

@Alcoh but don't make out it will be perfect as for some it isn't and your comment is sexist but its seems women can't be

Holothane · 25/03/2022 00:33

Girls can be but yes any bullying I had you can guarantee it was started by girls especially teen years. Had in primary as well that was mixed.

GirlsTalk250 · 25/03/2022 00:37

think the main reason I'm angry is because already I'm seeing one or two boys eroding her confidence. Making her more aware of her appearance and what she wears. She's 8 ffs angry

Sadly it’s the other girls who are the worst for this at DD’s school.

mathanxiety · 25/03/2022 00:44

This happened to DD1, again with a boy/girl seating plan. Socialising girls to police the behaviour of boys is sickening.

I went to the teacher and complained. The boy was moved to sit beside some other unfortunate girl. I called this girl's parents and told them what I knew. I will never apologise for this so don't accuse me of organising a witch hunt or anything else along those lines, as if this is a bad thing. It's not.

Kicking the can down the road isn't problem solving. Eventually, thanks to the parents of the girls standing up for them , there was no girl in the class willing to be seated beside this boy. The teacher put him beside one of the bigger boys instead. Peace reigned.

The trouble maker left the school when that year was up. It was a private school and I suspect the Principle asked the parents to remove him.

mathanxiety · 25/03/2022 00:48

*Principal

raspberryjamchicken · 25/03/2022 00:53

If she hasn't told anyone, they won't know. Go in and let the staff know about it. Of they don't do anything about it once they know, that is a problem but you need to give them a chance. You also need to tell them about anyone who is making comments about her appearance etc that are upsetting her.

FWIW I have put two daughters through primary school and am a primary teacher myself and it is not usual for boys to treat girls like this. It's not usual for any pupil to be routinely hurting one another or making unkind remarks and being allowed to get away with it.

C8H10N4O2 · 25/03/2022 09:07

Yes, ALL boys are awful and girls are never cruel 🙄

Of course they can be cruel but on the whole teenage girls in female environments are not subject to daily sexual harassment from boys.

ThomasinaGallico · 25/03/2022 09:56

I suffered bullying at my all-girls private school. It was verbal, psychological and occasionally even involved intrusive questions about sex life and sexuality. So girls’ schools are not a complete solution to the problem. I remain thankful, though, that I never had to deal with physical sexual harassment or assault as part of it.

It was more common in the 80s than we like to think, and it was considered almost normal to get leered at and get sexual comments and insults. You were expected just to roll your eyes, flip them the bird and carry on. Not sure how much has changed but the fact that we’re now naming it as unacceptable is surely a good first step.

Original poster
TheUsualChaos · 26/03/2022 10:48

That's awful @ThomasinaGallico so sad it can get to that stage. I don't think anyone is under any illusion that bullying can't happen in any type of school. I think as parents we make a personal judgement on what we think might suit our DC the best and so far in DDs case I'm leaning towards a girls school as she just seems to do better in single sex groups.

DH spoke to reception and the bit was moved yesterday so we had a happy DD to end the week. You could physically see the worry had gone out of her. I think I will send her regular teacher an email in the week just to let her know so that if there's any problem again she will know it's not a one off.

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 26/03/2022 10:52

@Alcoh really? How odd. A girl spat on my son's face at schoo!!!

It's not just boys 🙄

Wartywart · 26/03/2022 12:10

@Alcoh

And this is exactly why my teenage DD is in an all girls school. People hate them. But this is why. Unacceptable
@Alcoh, I'm afraid girls are just much more subtle about it. Read up on 'relational aggression'.

To the OP, absolutely have a word with the teacher. Hopefully they can re-arrange the seating plan.

londonmummy1966 · 26/03/2022 12:41

If you are going to email the regular teacher to sum up what has happened I'd refer to it as a complaint about bullying and reference the school bullying policy. Say that you are happy that the standin teacher dealt with the bulling complaint quickly and in a satisfactory manner when it was drawn to their attention but that you want the regular teacher to monitor the situation going forward. Couching correspondence in terms of the bullying policy is a good way of making sure it can't be ignored.

Beautiful3 · 26/03/2022 13:14

Talk to the teacher next time she goes in. She'll want to be aware of it. Ask nicely for her to sit else where.

Georgeskitchen · 26/03/2022 13:54

This is where I think self defence classes come in handy. They teach children confidence to stand up to bullies in a non combat way. Then if that doesn't work, a few combat moves usually tell the bully to stay away (this worked for both my nieces!!)