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Original poster

I cannot cope with the crying anymore

64 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 24/03/2022 18:39

2 kids. 3.5 and 1.5. Both are utterly attached to me. They are fine for childcare but the meltdowns they have when DH looks after them is ridiculous. I'm a teacher and I'm doing parents eve from home tonight. I'm trying to do it over hysterical crying as DH battles to get them ready for bed. DS was in such a state, then trying to clean his teeth he whacks his face on the basin. Bedtime was a shouting, chaotic, stressful horrible time.

He has not slept unless I've been in with him for at least some of the time for the past 2 nights.

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of the tears if I'm not with them all the time.

OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 24/03/2022 20:29

Being a School Teacher and having such a young family sounds extremely difficult.

Working from home and young children really doesn’t mix well.

I personally would try to do as much work at school and be Mum at home, my Daughter is a Primary School Teacher(NQT) and I see what she has to do, I don’t envy you at all.

I haven’t said this to my Daughter because she has worked very hard but I hope she isn’t a Teacher for very long, life is tough without making it harder than it needs to be.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 24/03/2022 20:31

Thanks so much. So tired of getting it all wrong.

OP posts:
VerveClique · 24/03/2022 21:47

Honestly you both need to be firmer.

If you and DH decide that DS really needs to be downstairs while you get ready, and he won’t go, then DH picks him up and takes him downstairs and distracts him until he has forgotten about it.

Don’t let a toddler run your lives!

You’re not depriving him of anything, you both have things to do as well as be available to your children. Unless there are SN they will get over it, especially in the day!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Boxowine · 24/03/2022 22:02

So sorry. I have nothing useful to share but solidarity.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 24/03/2022 22:11

He can open the doors! I physically cannot stop him!

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/03/2022 22:44

@DueyCheatemAndHow

He can open the doors! I physically cannot stop him!
Put a bolt up high on it, then. That'll stop him - and then you can get on with what you need to do with only a dulled sound of pre schooler rage in the background.

It's all in the growth mindset - rather than saying something is impossible, look at ways of making it achievable.

Silverclocks · 24/03/2022 22:49

If it's only the last couple of days I'd bet DS isn't quite well/is going down with something.

liveforsummer · 25/03/2022 07:01

@madroid

One word=calpol Grin

Don't give into it. They'll get used to him if you do it more often.

@madroid sorry but how will paracetamol help? Bizarre solution, it doesn't sound like they are doing it out of mild pain. OP I think you need to take some time for yourself outside the house. Dc will likely be more settled for dh with you not there and will create better associations and get in to a calmer routine. Visit a friend or family, take a walk at bed time? much easier with the lighter nights coming.
blockbustervideo · 25/03/2022 09:16

@EvenStrangerThings03

It’s like that here too, toddler is happy for daddy to do bedtime but would prefer me, but baby DC will only have me at bedtime, so if I do toddlers bedtime poor DH has to deal with the baby going ballistic until I’m done!

You can't do bedtime for both?

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 25/03/2022 09:20

Do you think they could be coming down with something? Mine are always really out of sorts for a few days before whatever they’re incubating hits them.

TheMarvelousMrsMaisel · 25/03/2022 09:22

I feel you, mine were nightmares at that age!
Got to school age and overnight they both got more independent and the screaming/crying stopped. It gets easier op, hold on. Just got to be firm. Thanks

Knittingchamp · 25/03/2022 09:27

We went through this, we ended up promising I would put them to bed and stay with them til they fell asleep with a nice story, and before then they could have a little movie with daddy, and everyone was happy. Kept things smooth on those evenings when I was doing something for work. They grew out of it when they were older. Some of those bedtimes were really lovely actually in the end.

Goldfishjones · 25/03/2022 09:28

20:31DueyCheatemAndHow

Thanks so much. So tired of getting it all wrong.

You are NOT getting it all wrong! It's just how it is. I wish I had some advice but I never solved it myself (or I also got it all wrong).
What I can say is that a couple of years down the line and things are very different (and lovely) for us now. Hang on in there. And try and do work in the workplace as much as possible.

awaynboilyurheid · 25/03/2022 09:28

Also teachers are used to control and when you can’t control two little ones you feel like your failing, you’re really not!
All parents have times when their children go through clingy whiny stages as said before it’s a stage keep repeating this to yourself till it ends!
Also agree might be older one feeling left out with younger one or some illness working on them that they can’t verbalise, lower any standards of the perfect family life! it’s chaos most of the time! Try to find some space at Easter to have fun times together.

VerveClique · 25/03/2022 09:28

I have a friend like this. Can't get her pre-schooler dressed. Can't get her out of the bath. No SN as far as I know.

She's a pre-schooler for goodness sake - not a 6 foot 2 rugby player! You and your DH need to take back control of your own house.

"Do NOT go in the dining room. Mummy is working in there. Come here and eat your tea / get ready for bed / listen to this story." Then follow through.

Rainbowqueeen · 25/03/2022 09:33

💐
I also think it sounds like your eldest is coming down with an illness.
Some brainstorming for you:
Is there a time of day when they are better for DH?
Or an activity eg bathtime when they are better for him?

Try going out and leaving him to it. You can sit in the car round the corner or go to the neighbours so you can get back quickly if absolutely necessary.

Gro clock for your eldest. No getting up until the colour changes
What would happen if you and DH did bedtime together? Then you gradually phased yourself out by going to get a towel, popping to the loo etc So they get used to you going and coming back
Can DH buy them special pjs that you know they will love and that they can only wear when he puts them to bed?

Sounds like a horror day for you. Remember the Mantra - this too will pass

JustWonderingIfYou · 25/03/2022 09:33

Meltdowns at bedtime usually mean overtiredness in our house.

Dis the toddler get a decent nap? Maybe older DS had very exciting day with daddy so actually needed earlier bedtime than usual?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 25/03/2022 18:18

DS actually slept til 6 this morning and was happy to go down with DH when I got ready . But I've come back from work to a wall of tears.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 25/03/2022 18:22

Sounds like they’re over tired. Have you recently gone back to work, has anything else changed?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 25/03/2022 18:29

DS has just dropped his nap and is waking up ridiculously early. Tried to make his bedtime earlier but it made it worse.

DD can just get really clingy. Poured a bath, neither would get in, put DD in and she howled and then fell over she was in such a state.

I'm so tired of pedalling.

OP posts:
runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 18:32

Bless you. My kids were similar as toddlers, especially DD. It will pass I promise!

Picklesandbeans · 25/03/2022 18:37

I send sympathy. I've been there exactly there. All I can say is it does pass. Mine are a bit older now. I'm going out tonight and they're not bothered at all but it brings back memories of the crying and tantrums when I would go out- it hardly felt worth it it was suffocating. My sympathy.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 25/03/2022 19:03

I've just burst into tears.

I had my appraisal today at work. It was glowing. Lots of amazing feedback. But I chose to go PT and give up my management position after the children were born so at 3 days a week there isn't really anything I can do more than 'just teach'.

Everything feels so hard. Sorry.

OP posts:
blockbustervideo · 25/03/2022 19:22

@DueyCheatemAndHow

DS has just dropped his nap and is waking up ridiculously early. Tried to make his bedtime earlier but it made it worse.

DD can just get really clingy. Poured a bath, neither would get in, put DD in and she howled and then fell over she was in such a state.

I'm so tired of pedalling.

Pick your battles OP Thanks if they don't want to get in the bath, just leave it for that night.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 25/03/2022 19:32

I did. Thing is I'm so torn between 'pick your battles' and 'be in charge'

OP posts: