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Original poster

Friend left out - worried about their disappointment

79 replies

kimberleyjess · 20/03/2022 22:22

One of the families in our friendship group at primary school has organised a weekend away next year, partly for a birthday but also just to have a fun weekend away. It was an invite to some families 'we're doing xxx. We'd love you to join'. The parents going share an outdoors hobby which we can do there, and the suggested venue only has a certain number of beds, so that was pretty much that.

Another couple - also in the friendship group - had talked about us all doing a weekend away at some point but haven't been included. The organiser knew about this as they'd both discussed it a bit, and even talked about organising it together at some point. I know they're going to feel massively hurt, and would probably have assumed that if anything was ever organised that they would have been included. I know how I would feel if I was in that position. I would think 'oh all my mates have gone off on a jolly and I've been excluded'. I wouldn't care about the hobby bit (this couple aren't involved in the hobby) ...it would just feel rubbish.

It's not my business to say anything to anyone but its making me feel anxious. They will find out, for sure Confused

OP posts:
blisstwins · 20/03/2022 23:58

I would bow out.

Bunty55 · 21/03/2022 00:02

So would I.

RishiRich · 21/03/2022 00:03

It is mean, sorry. Is there really no way of getting accommodation with enough room for everyone?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2022 00:04

Why are you making this YOUR problem?

grapewines · 21/03/2022 00:04

Just be prepared for things to not be the same after this. They will probably (rightly) want to distance themselves from the rest of you.

Lalliella · 21/03/2022 00:19

It's not my business to say anything to anyone but its making me feel anxious.

But it is your business to say something. If you don’t, you’re colluding in excluding these people, which really isn’t nice. Say something.

GroggyLegs · 21/03/2022 00:27

This couple, and their kids have been left out AND it's likely they lose their school friendship group, through no fault if their own.

I'd be a bit anxious about being a part of that too.

NewtoHolland · 21/03/2022 02:43

They aren't really friends if you can't have an honest conversation about your worries about this surely?

Elbie79 · 21/03/2022 03:06

As per PP I'd say something. If it doesn't change I wouldn't go.

If you don't want to say something then just don't go.

Whether intentional or not this is exclusionary and hurtful. If you go you are complicit.

Flickflak · 21/03/2022 03:39

This reply has been withdrawn

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Flickflak · 21/03/2022 03:43

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onewednesdayindecember · 21/03/2022 04:07

I’ve been left out like this, I was just as upset with the friends who didn’t stand up for me as the one who didn’t invite me. That was the last I saw of them and I’d grown up with them, it took a long time to get over. It was perhaps more harsh than this situation because of the joint hobby thing, but I still don’t think you should stand back and let them be excluded like that without saying anything

RockinHorseShit · 21/03/2022 04:10

You need to speak up or you will be seen as guilty as the organisers.

I'm currently on the receiving end of the same sort of behaviour for different, but equally unfair reasons with practically lifelong friends. I know the main organiser excluded me deliberately with the backing of at least one other due to a disagreement they are rabid conspiracy theorist covid deniers . But my contacts has been like tumbleweed despite speaking to 3 of the others regularly up until I heard this of this get together was organised, one mentioned it obviously presuming I was invited as I was there every other time.

I am so disappointed with them all, much more so with the friends who didn't speak up tbh, to the degree where right now, having seen photos plastered all over SM, I couldn't GAFF if I never hear from any of them again. One, who is more my friend than the groups, was actually there in stead of me, has even blocked me from seeing the photos she has posted seen via DH so she knows damn fine. Has she told me, I wouldn't have cared less as I couldn't have made it anyway, but not talking to me has me looking at them all like a load of 2 faced vipers

1forAll74 · 21/03/2022 04:20

I wouldn't be concerned about this. it is what it is, and I woudnt worry about such an issue.

teezletangler · 21/03/2022 04:36

This kind of thing is so hurtful. I also think it absolutely is your business, and unfortunately you're just as guilty as the organisers if you don't say something, hard as that may be. Please make this your business OP!

RockinHorseShit · 21/03/2022 04:37

I could end up causing a load of drama...

The drama has been created by the organiser, not you. You can't avoid drama thanks to them, so you need to do the right thing

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/03/2022 05:14

Is the organiser also the one having the birthday?

carefullycourageous · 21/03/2022 05:34

@Viviennemary

Of course it's your business to say something. It sounds horribly mean and sneaky. I wouldn't go.
I agree, I also wouldn't go.

IMO these things are often deliberate.

nzeire · 21/03/2022 06:49

Yuk

LoudingVoice · 21/03/2022 07:07

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Why are you making this YOUR problem?
Why would you not make it your problem? Confused

Ignoring it is just being part of the issue.

Ellmau · 21/03/2022 08:10

Can you suggest the other couple is invited to the meal/socialising aspects and stays somehwere else nearby?

It is a bit awkward.

grapewines · 21/03/2022 08:13

@Ellmau

Can you suggest the other couple is invited to the meal/socialising aspects and stays somehwere else nearby?

It is a bit awkward.

This is almost as bad though.
GreenClock · 21/03/2022 08:27

You say you feel “rubbish” and “anxious” but you’re not prepared to say something in support of this excluded family, nor are you willing to bow out of the trip, so this thread is kind of pointless tbh.

I don’t want to sound mean because you’re obviously not the organiser, but if you don’t call out poor behaviour, nothing will change.

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 21/03/2022 08:32

Life’s too short to make other people feel like shit. The couple that are left out will feel awful.

I should have brought up immediately that it was unfair to leave one family out, the hobby is a red herring. So what if they don’t want to do that with you, they can do something else for a bit.

There doesn’t have to be any drama at all.

“Honestly guys, it’s really unfair to leave out Sarah and Jim. We need to find larger accommodation so we can all go”.

AngelinaFibres · 21/03/2022 08:43

@VivX

Even if the uninvited couple are unaware right now, they'll find out eventually. Any drama will be the fault of the organising couple - but the bystander couples will probably get sucked in because leaving one couple out, well, sucks.

Things will probably not be quite the same again even if the couple who were left out rise above their being excluded 8n this occasion.

They will find out because plans will be blurted out at another get together or something will be said by one child to another. The nearer to the date they find out will increase the hurt. If they find out through social media ( and noone who does these trips fails to saturate social media with them)whilst you are on the trip or immediately after you return they will ,quite rightly, be very, very hurt.
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