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unintentional self mutilation

71 replies

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 20:51

I am so embarrassed to write this, but would dearly love some advice. Not sure which topic to post in either, as it isn't really medical as such, but isn't quite style and beauty!

Always been a nail biter. My dad was as a child but grew out of it (is it genetic!!??) Everyone tried to help me stop as a child but I nibbled away reghardless. No big deal, i wasn't troubled or unwell, and only nipped at the nail tops. They were stubby and a bit crap, but ok.

Roll on to last two years ( i am middle aged now) and something bizarre has taken over. I have some fairly basic stress in life, but nothing quite explains this to me. I seem to have begun to chew at the actual SKIN above my nails. Initially i thought 'oh dear god what an idiot'. but later found that I can't quite stop it. I nibble unconsciously when watching films, reading, using the net. My fingertips are literally in a state. I have managed to bite at them, peeling bits of skin off and creating a wound. I put plasters and antiseptic on, it heals, and then i do it all over again - all ten of the buggers too.

I am sat here with elastoplast and germoline, finding it hard to type. I am also a painter so this is a serious drawback and the pain is ridiculous. Today I was in Next looking at pyjamas and one of the wounds burst open and i bled all down my arm after having it raised. Thankfully nothing went onto the product!

I am so ashamed of this and have no idea why it happens. It is like a terrible habit, and the compulsion to nibble comes from the healing, hard skin, which must be irresistible to ignore. If i can catch myself doing it i can often stop, but only sometimes....agggh!

My fingers look like hell. Red raw and full of cuts. I am so, so fed up of it, not to mention concerned.

Any tips?
Apologies for being so gross.

OP posts:
WhiteJellycat · 20/03/2022 21:53

Try the cotton gloves. I had a spate of really bad eczema and they did help. Get a chewy necklace and chew on that. It's called Chewlery my ds had a chewy bracelet

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 21:55

@PenguinLove1

Get the pots you dip your fingers into to prevent nail biting? Tastes disgusting and will coat your entire fingertip
sounds interesting, could i still type and whatnot or would it transfer to keyboard? Fingertips tend to touch everything, so if i need to remove stuff to do anything i would fail.

I do it mostly whenever i am sat down. so relaxing or working :(

OP posts:
nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 21:56

thank you! chewelry, i must see this Grin

OP posts:
ClarasZoo · 20/03/2022 21:57

Check you are not anemic and make sure you take vitamins. This type of thing has always been worse for me if I don’t keep topped up in iron and vitamins…

TigerYiger · 20/03/2022 21:57

I can so relate, so many many times each hand 5x plasters.
Sadly this is a classic sign of unresolved trauma that you're experiencing surfacing as life ebbs and flows above it. It can be helped and it's simple but not easy. Try Anxiety RX on audible it may make a lot of sense of this for you. If I can heal so can you. Good luck Smile

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 21:57

lol it's actually a website - for aggressive chewers, genius!
I wonder if they could make me a fake hand that had devilishly snaggy skin!

OP posts:
Myrrhine46 · 20/03/2022 22:01

This company makes gloves to order. They take your hand measurements and tailor make them.

kidsfingersandthumbs.co.uk/products/3finger-glove-dermatillomania-trichotillomania

I also agree that gel nails are another really good way to avoid the picking/biting.

Hatinafield · 20/03/2022 22:03

I’d go for gloves and/or face mask for as near to 100% of the time as you can manage for a month; try and break the cycle. And maybe invest in a load of different flavoured chewing gum to get you through the initial period?

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 22:03

as for unresolved issues, i hate my environment but we cant leave this year. It has severely stressed me out previously but i am more calm these days. Nothing i can do about that at the moment but worth thinking about, thank you.
my mum also died during the pandemic, which i thought i had dealt with fine, considering. It was not a shock sadly and not due to covid.

Crikey, life throws stuff at us, i dont like the idea of eating myself alive because of it. I wish there was a mental solution.

OP posts:
nopuppiesallowed · 20/03/2022 22:05

According to my mother I started to bite my nails the day I started school. I managed to stop in my 50s - except for one finger. It took another few years before I stopped completely. Now I pull at the skin around the cuticles. I really don't want to do this. I keep telling myself that I'm a mature woman and shouldn't be doing it. But it makes no difference. Often, I don't even know I'm doing it until it begins to hurt. If anyone has the answer....

lemonnandliime · 20/03/2022 22:08

I do this too, I've also bitten my nails since I could chew.

What worked/works for me:

Plasters around every fingernail during periods of intense biting.

Stop n grow all over my nails and skin

Good quality hand cream to help them heal and taste unpleasant.

Self manicure, push back cuticles, file and trim, and put some pale varnish on. I'm less likely to bite if they start to look reasonable.

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 22:10

@Snippysocks

According to my mother I started to bite my nails the day I started school. I managed to stop in my 50s - except for one finger. It took another few years before I stopped completely. Now I pull at the skin around the cuticles. I really don't want to do this. I keep telling myself that I'm a mature woman and shouldn't be doing it. But it makes no difference. Often, I don't even know I'm doing it until it begins to hurt. If anyone has the answer....
I relate.

My cuticles are nibbled at, then as they heal they go stiff and picky. I then cant resist nibbling the picky parts, and it begins all over again.
I utterly loathe this, it's ridiculous isnt it?

I know one thing, if they were totally healed i would not do it as the skin would be smooth and compact and not tempting. It's getting over the healing part i think. I tried softening with cream, vaseline, but they still dried hard and pickable.

OP posts:
NotanotherboxofFrogs · 20/03/2022 22:13

I hear you op. It's not my nails or the surrounding skin in my case but I am absolutely bad at picking everything even where there is nothing to start.

When anxious I can often be found chewing my lower arm resulting in bite marks and bruises.
Chewlery has helped me big time as it looks like a pendant but as soon as I realise I'm doing it, I start chewing on the necklace. I've been using mine for several years, I have a red pendant and still no signs of wear and tear on it. Every weekend it gets a cycle in the dishwasher which is absolutely fine for it. Like a previous poster I also attack my scalp so I use fidget toys to keep my hands occupied. You aren't alone with this

QueuingForPony · 20/03/2022 22:16

Firstly, try not to describe your nibbling habit in such a negative way. The stinging and bleeding is uncomfortable and inconvenient but it is not a very big deal in the greater scheme of things. Try to reframe how you think about this habit.

I agree it's likely due to stress and has become a bit of a habit but most people have unhelpful habits at least occasionally, it's really not that unusual.

Think about what is bothering you in your life at the moment and if you have got over the pandemic and all the stresses you experienced then. I firmly believe that many of us are still negatively affected by what has happened over the last 2 years, it's been so mental.

Just be aware of the nibbling, don't judge it. Try some visualising: imagine, as often as you can, that your fingers are completely healed and the skin looks healthy. Then try and not nibble your nails for one short period of time and increase the time of the course of a week. Set the alarm first for 30 min, 60 min, 90 min, 120 min and try and evening, a day etc. If you bite, just start over.

Another option, which may sound a bit wacky, is to try 'tapping', google tapping their are a few key points in the body, which you are supposed to tap on whilst saying something like 'even though my nails are bloody I completely accept and love myself', rinse repeat. If there are situations where you are more likely to bite your nails, try to avoid these situations for a while.

This is quite informative

www.vox.com/2015/4/22/8464365/nail-biting
Apparently nail biting helps even out our emotions. When we're bored, it provides stimulation; when we're stressed out or frustrated, it provides a temporary calm.

Recently psychologists have come to a more plausible theory of nail biting: that it can provide a temporary escape, distraction, or bit of pleasure or relaxation for the biter.

Penzel points out that many people get the urge to bite when they're understimulated (i.e., bored) or overstimulated (stressed out or excited). "When they're understimulated, the behaviors provides stimulation, and when they're overstimulated, it actually helps calm them down," he says. Like nicotine, the idea is that nail biting can have a biphasic effect: it can stimulate under certain conditions and relax in others.

People had a higher urge to engage in the behavior in the stressed condition and the bored condition, much more than in the relaxed condition," Roberts says. Other surveys of nail biters and hair pluckers have come to similar conclusions. "It seems fairly clear that there's some emotional regulation involved.

Maybe we just bite our nails because they're there. Psychologists believe that you can get psychologically (not chemically) addicted to pretty much anything: any activity that provides a reward can reinforce itself over time.

QueuingForPony · 20/03/2022 22:17

Oh and try different types of fight toys, maybe. there are some cool cubes, which let you click things, it's quite satisfying and might be a way to disrupt your habit?

USaYwHatNow · 20/03/2022 22:21

I may just be laughed at but hypnotherapy helped me. Before hypnosis it was a compulsion. Now, yes I do pick and bite every now and then but if I want to stop and grow them e.g like I did for my wedding, I found I could just say nope, not doing that today. I had about 6 sessions.

QueuingForPony · 20/03/2022 22:21

*fidget toys!

Boomerwang · 20/03/2022 22:32

I do this. I also pick the skin off the soles of my feet. When I was younger I'd rip them th shreds and make walking very painful. At this age I pick until it starts to tear deep and then use nail clippers to cut it off before it bleeds. I don't feel particularly stressed. For me I think it's boredom as I only do it when sitting on the sofa in front of the tv. It's just not convenient anywhere else. I find myself looking forward to a good pick after a shower where looser bits turn white and peel easily. I have no idea why it's so satisfying.

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 22:37

Great advice and thought, thank you all so much.
A lot to think about.
I like the comment regarding visualisation, this is something i have had success with in the past so will give that more thought.

I have only just thought - i gave up smoking cold turkey in 2018 after my lovely cat passed away. A weird time to do it i admit, but not long after the biting began to amp up. I wonder if smoking, in the past, was scratching the 'itch'?

OP posts:
NotanotherboxofFrogs · 20/03/2022 23:04

@Boomerwang

I do this. I also pick the skin off the soles of my feet. When I was younger I'd rip them th shreds and make walking very painful. At this age I pick until it starts to tear deep and then use nail clippers to cut it off before it bleeds. I don't feel particularly stressed. For me I think it's boredom as I only do it when sitting on the sofa in front of the tv. It's just not convenient anywhere else. I find myself looking forward to a good pick after a shower where looser bits turn white and peel easily. I have no idea why it's so satisfying.
This was something I used to do too mainly as teenager / early 20s I would go for my feet. in this case it was pure self harm. I have bmanaged to leave my feet alone after being hospitalised with infection in both feet. I had dug in by nearly an inch in my soles. I was then sectioned until they could heal properly. I'm afraid of even doing a footner now as the skin could be too tempting
Justkeeppedaling · 20/03/2022 23:11

Wear gloves?

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 23:15

@NotanotherboxofFrogs christ that gave me a jolt. I hope you are ok now.

OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 20/03/2022 23:20

It’s a response to stress and a sensory seeking behavior. It’s calming and you don’t even always realize you are doing it.

I spent a lifetime of people trying to force similar behaviors out of me with punishment. That never worked because I was an undiagnosed autistic child. Eventually I learned to mask and then I learned to channel those urges into healthier versions of the compulsions. I now twist my hair quite a bit in private. Does no harm aside from the very occasional knot when I get too aggressive, but the worst consequence is I have to cut a few strands.

Calandor · 20/03/2022 23:21

I've been doing this my whole life tbh. Never been able to stop. Managed for 6 months once after seeing a hypnotist. But then stress made me start up again.

Bad tastes don't work I just bite through them, gloves don't work as they get in the way.

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 23:37

Yes i also bite through bad tastes.

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