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Original poster

3 year old twins - feel like I’m sinking

29 replies

Heyduggee123 · 20/03/2022 19:15

3 year old twins, it just gets harder and harder. Our house is total chaos. I can’t bear the crying, arguing and tantruming. The end of every day feels like I’m on my knees

I do have a DH who is very hands on, but he’s been very down himself recently, 2 years of working from home has taken its toll on him (his company is still not back in the office full time - currently only 1 day per week)

My brain feels frazzled, all I can think of is the free 30 hours in September and then I feel guilty about it. Meal times can be chaos if I don’t time it just right, and I can never get anything done. The weather this weekend has helped, it’s nice to be able to get outside and burn off some energy.

Any fellow twin mums out there who can offer a girl a lifeline and tell me that it does get even a tiny bit easier?

For context I do work 2 days a week, they go to nursery for 1.5 days and my parents have them for 1 afternoon. DH parents live a 2 hour drive away and we only tend to see them for holidays or special occasions. My parents are late 60’s early 70’s so asking them to extra is tricky. Plus we are older parents ourselves, I’m 42 & DH is 50. Weeks like this definitely make us feel our age (and then some)

OP posts:
rainbowsandcloudyskies · 20/03/2022 19:39

I have three children. The younger two are twins and are fifteen now. It was relentless! I cooked, fed, cleaned on repeat for hours every day. Then there was pre school for two hours a day. I basically walked there and back but it was the start of light at the end of the tunnel. Things are so much better now. My teenagers are much easier than toddlers! I sometimes look back and wonder how I did it but things just changed and got easier. I almost didn’t notice it happening. Hang in there. It is exhausting but does get easier. We did it without help and if there is any way you could get some extra support in the short term, it would help get through this really tricky bit….
Take care. Look after yourselves. x

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 20/03/2022 19:41

Trampoline.. Dc are happy ime to go on in all weathers..grab and coffee while you supervise!!

CandyflossKid · 20/03/2022 19:44

It does get easier- eventually! Its probably no help now but my twins are now 20 (id boys)- they were absolutely awful as toddlers, and at school too.......I was always being called into school due to their behaviour.

However, the teenage years were an absolute breeze- they were no trouble whatsoever........hang in there!!

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ellesbellesxxx · 20/03/2022 19:46

💐 twin mum here.
It totally gets easier… when the 30 hours kick in, will you be able to put them in extra at nursery to carve yourself out some time?

My twins are in reception and turn 5 in a couple of months and they are so much fun, school is also a game changer as I suddenly have time to myself again!!

Bobojangles · 20/03/2022 19:46

Why do you have to wait until September for their 3 hours? It should be the term after they turn 3

Original poster
Heyduggee123 · 20/03/2022 19:47

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Trampoline.. Dc are happy ime to go on in all weathers..grab and coffee while you supervise!!
They do have a trampoline and they do love it but I’m continuously in and out, I zip them in, they unzip & climb out, 5 minutes later they are back in and out I trot to zip them back in 🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
Original poster
Heyduggee123 · 20/03/2022 19:49

@Bobojangles

Why do you have to wait until September for their 3 hours? It should be the term after they turn 3
They turn 3 in 13 days so miss out on the Easter start by 2 days 😩
OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 20/03/2022 19:56

Yep!!
Am 42, DTs just turned 4yo and older DD 7yo. It is full on! I work FT and DH is SAHD 2 days a week, WFH 1-2 days and in the office 1-2d. He spends more time with them than I do and I have to say it has really aged both of us but him particularly.

And Christ, don't feel bad about the free hours! Grab them!! DTs going to school in Sept and I know DH is planning to spend the two days he is at home doing NOTHING!
It does get easier around 4, I would say. Mine can now dress and toilet themselves, tidy up toys, clear table after meals, put laundry away with some help, and "help" with basic jobs like weeding garden, supermarket trip etc. They do not run away in public anymore so can go on walks or on their scooters with no reins.

The one thing I would say is , get them outside at every opportunity and then when they come in and are tired, absorbed in something they can do side by side like drawing, or even c
CBeebies. I find that massively cuts arguments.

zazasabore · 20/03/2022 20:07

I had twin boys at 41 (husband 44) after a gap of 6 years and 5 other children. My husband definitely not greet them with screams of love and delight and in fact was working abroad and came back at the weekends so wasn't around much for those earlier years. Luckily I had 6th form daughter then living at home and she totally love bombed them when she wasn't at school (one could be a bit tricky until he learned to talk clearly). They are now 25 and the jewels in the crown of the family - adored by one and all including DH who feels particularly close to them. They have always got on exceptionally well and are pretty much like Darby and Joan (or the male equivalent anyway) they never run out of conversation with each other and I bless the day we conceived them. I remember getting out in the morning and getting out in the afternoon, come rain or shine was pretty key - plus never letting supper get too late. No help from relatives either - either dead (my side) or too far away and infirm (his side).

StripeyDeckchair · 20/03/2022 20:10

I have G/B twins now in their final year of school - we currently have the angst of A levels, grades needed for Uni etc

But the early years were SO hard, especially as DTs father turned out to be a useless prick so I left him. Take every opportunity to get them running around & warn out.
A winning day is one where everyone is fed & injury free at bedtime.
Pay for a cleaner if you can afford it (I couldnt) and accept lower standards of tidiness etc

Original poster
Heyduggee123 · 20/03/2022 20:12

@rainbowsandcloudyskies

I have three children. The younger two are twins and are fifteen now. It was relentless! I cooked, fed, cleaned on repeat for hours every day. Then there was pre school for two hours a day. I basically walked there and back but it was the start of light at the end of the tunnel. Things are so much better now. My teenagers are much easier than toddlers! I sometimes look back and wonder how I did it but things just changed and got easier. I almost didn’t notice it happening. Hang in there. It is exhausting but does get easier. We did it without help and if there is any way you could get some extra support in the short term, it would help get through this really tricky bit…. Take care. Look after yourselves. x
Thank you that definitely does give me hope xx
OP posts:
Glittertwins · 20/03/2022 20:13

It does get easier, our pair are teens now. They were in nursery since 6 months old though so I wasn't quite so frazzled and overwhelmed as you will have been and I didn't have a lockdown to contend with. Are you in a position to pay for the next term before the 30 free hours?

Original poster
Heyduggee123 · 20/03/2022 20:17

@Glittertwins

It does get easier, our pair are teens now. They were in nursery since 6 months old though so I wasn't quite so frazzled and overwhelmed as you will have been and I didn't have a lockdown to contend with. Are you in a position to pay for the next term before the 30 free hours?
Unfortunately not, out of the 2 days that I do work, I probably only get paid for 1/2 day, but we know it’s temporary so we’ve really had to juggle things around to pay for it. I do enjoy my 2 days a week though and the twins absolutely love it there
OP posts:
dontblameme · 20/03/2022 20:33

I recommend you watch S1:E1 of the Three Day Nanny - great episode with unruly 3 year old twins. The parents were also frazzled. Good luck! BrewCake

CurlyMango · 20/03/2022 20:45

Sending you love. Mine are 17. Early years tough but worth it. Don’t beat yourself up, cut yourself some slack and enjoy as much as possible. It’s fleeting.

deste · 20/03/2022 21:19

The nursery my GD goes to regularly have children starting the day after they turn three.

ElbowsandArses · 20/03/2022 21:27

I remember being where you are: desperate for free nursery hours, frazzled and on my knees. It does get better, I promise. Once mine started school is when I felt it got a bit better (but I still remember feeling like stabbing people who told me how much they loved the school holidays ..!).

Clareyck · 20/03/2022 21:47

Mine are 8 and I vividly remember how hard it was in the pre school days hang In there. Mine are 8 now and one day at about 3.5 or 4 they started to play together and then when they got the 30 free hours we had some days where they were in nursery and I wasn't at work which let me have some time to myself and get on top of the house.. it is tough I had my parents nearby but they were still working themselves and looking after the girls on 1 of my work days so felt bad asking for any more and oh worked away a lot. But it does get easier, I'm still here and not that grey!

Loveabathtub · 20/03/2022 22:19

I just want to send you a big hug. I remember those days so well. People would stop me in the street and congratulate me on my toddler twins and tell me to make the most of it as time flies. I remember smiling back at them through gritted teeth thinking time was doing anything but flying, every day was a living hell which I was slowly drowning in. I took great pleasure in going to work just to be able to drink a cup of coffee while it was still hot and go to the toilet without two children on my lap pulling at me.

Then they hit the golden age of four and gradually they started to play together and become more independent. What's more, I got conversation and genuine love from them, I no longer felt alone in this storm of storms I found myself in as a single parent.

They are now nine years old and I love every minute of being with them. Time really does go quickly and I realise that in an instant I will be waving them off to college and my heart will be in pieces. I promise these feelings are not far off for you too. The best thing I did was get a cleaner and go into the office to work during those early years, I needed the breather and adult company and trust me, they don't remember. When they start school they need you more than ever.

Take a deep breath, you're doing a great job. Not long now until you hit the golden age. It's all so much easier from four years onwards. X

Original poster
Heyduggee123 · 21/03/2022 18:19

@Loveabathtub

I just want to send you a big hug. I remember those days so well. People would stop me in the street and congratulate me on my toddler twins and tell me to make the most of it as time flies. I remember smiling back at them through gritted teeth thinking time was doing anything but flying, every day was a living hell which I was slowly drowning in. I took great pleasure in going to work just to be able to drink a cup of coffee while it was still hot and go to the toilet without two children on my lap pulling at me.

Then they hit the golden age of four and gradually they started to play together and become more independent. What's more, I got conversation and genuine love from them, I no longer felt alone in this storm of storms I found myself in as a single parent.

They are now nine years old and I love every minute of being with them. Time really does go quickly and I realise that in an instant I will be waving them off to college and my heart will be in pieces. I promise these feelings are not far off for you too. The best thing I did was get a cleaner and go into the office to work during those early years, I needed the breather and adult company and trust me, they don't remember. When they start school they need you more than ever.

Take a deep breath, you're doing a great job. Not long now until you hit the golden age. It's all so much easier from four years onwards. X

Thank you so much for your post, so much of it resonated with me.

Just to prove me a liar I’ve had the best day with them, they’re loving the warmer weather, have played in the garden all day, they’ve screamed with laughter, eaten all of their food and been generally a delight. It’s days like this that help see me through the horrific days, which have felt like every single day recently

Xxxx

OP posts:
DrMartenswillcunow · 21/03/2022 19:08

I have twins and 1 younger. I had 3 kids under the age of 3 years. It gets easier. It sounds like they are ready for the nursery hours and will probably thrive so don't feel guilty. The bickering should subside when they get to develop their own identity a bit more outside of home too. The trampoline is a good idea, get them burning off some energy and out from under your feet for a bit. I found swimming lessons good for that too. They are knackered after.

DrMartenswillcunow · 21/03/2022 19:11

Also, I was lucky that there were playgroups and libraries that did activities in the week that we could go to. Sometimes a change of scene for them and an adult conversation for you makes a big difference

Copypaste12 · 21/03/2022 19:16

3 year old twin girls here. Mine turn 4 soon and are Off to school in September.

I work full time and I am burnt out! I look and feel about 200 years old. The guilt is unreal. DH works 4 days a week. I only recently went full time again and I did so purely for financial reasons. Twins (plus their older sibling) costs a lot!

I’m holding out hope that school will be our turning point!

Mine are best when we go out and burn a lot of energy. I love them to bits! I’m just frazzled!

FictionalCharacter · 23/03/2022 04:24

My twins are 18 now. I remember all too well how hellish it was when they were 3. They were utterly wild and I thought I wouldn’t survive, and that’s no exaggeration. You’ll get through it, I promise - you just have to endure this very difficult phase and then one day you’ll think “hmm, today was OK”!

DockOTheBay · 23/03/2022 04:31

Maybe it will be easier now the weather is turning. You can take them out and run off some of the energy. Being indoors a lot is relentless and the hours drag, especially with a husband WFH. September seems like a long time away but at least its 6 months of summer.

Could you afford for them to go to preschool even one morning a week for this term? Just a short amount of time to yourself might help.