Help please - I am out of my depth re new job

[JobNC]

I have somehow managed to be appointed as a manager of a team of ten people.

On the one hand, I know I’ve worked hard for this over the ten years that I’ve been at my current organisation. However, five of us went for the job and one of them has now stopped speaking to me. I’m struggling a little bit with imposter syndrome.

I really do want to be a good manager and help make a difference and I do have a few ideas but I wanted to ask for help on here about what you’ve found a good manger does. Also, what not to do as a bad manager I suppose.

Any help would be most appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

It’s a cliche but good communication with your team. One to ones to check in on people and see how they are doing, do they need any support from you etc. I would especially focus on the one who is not talking with you, I would get that nipped in the bud pronto.

Agree with PP. Schedule regular one to ones and then a wider team meeting with a set agenda. Also ensure you have a regular one to one with your manager so you can feed up any concerns. Keep all communications friendly but professional and treat everyone the same.

Yes I agree with PP, for the sake of establishing yourself as manager, focus on the person who isn’t speaking to you (very childish btw).
Then I think it’s really important to listen to your team, but be decisive over issues, so there’s no doubt that you are the decision maker and in charge. Be prepared to consider peoples ideas over changes and improvements.
My worst manager was a horrendous micro manager, who constantly checked up and questioned every little thing.

Congrats on the job promotion. I've done a women into leadership programme before and you need to 'fake it until you make it'. Also remember the majority of men would take a promotion without a thought and wouldn't be doubting themselves, so don't do it to yourself!

On a practical note, I would say better managers:

• Communicate well
• Generally be friendly/approachable
• Give autonomy where possible, don't micromanage
• Remember to say thanks/praise team members regularly for a job well done
• Think about how to create a good team culture. I would in agile software engineering, so we would do this collaboratively in a team - Running sessions to talk about team culture, how we want to work together/support each other. May not be right depending on your specific team/industry but one to think about.

So many of us experience imposter syndrome. I want you to re- read your OP though, the people who employed you to do this role presumably know you very well given you've been there 10 years, they will know your strengths & areas for development. They picked you over 4 other people - that shows they want you for the job!
Obviously they made the right choice with the one not talking to you as it's clear they don't have the maturity or resilience at this point to manage a team!
Absolutely good communication with the team will be important. With the member of staff ignoring you if it continues you need to have a conversation with them about this & set some expectations, you can understand their disappointment, that this may be difficult for them etc but they have a responsibility to act professionally & you expect them to communicate in that manner with you.
Above all else though patience - when coming into a new team it can be tough for a while, be consistent, fair, approachable, high support, high challenge etc & you will get there!!

Also look up 'How Women Rise' book. It's an easy read and I found it invaluable as I was stepping up to a promotion in my career.

Can I recommend the very short brilliant one minute manager books. Excellent advice about managing people.
And it’s hardest when you have been appointed from the team. Good luck

Thanks so much for the advice. That’s all really useful. I was really excited about it at first but then when my colleague stopped speaking to me and he deleted me from social media, it really threw me. I suppose I need to grow up a bit or be a little harder.

I just want to try to prove that I am on the side of the team. I have inherited a team which isn’t without its issues but is largely filled with talented people.

The one who isn't speaking to you is being unfair to you because it wasn't your decision to give yourself the job. I've been in this situation and not that I reacted visibly but my frustrations were towards the people who made the decision and didn't notice my skills and hard work. I felt like my skills weren't noticed because I wasn't young enough and attractive enough for my people skills and hard work to be noticed. But that's not the ''fault'' of the young people succeeding.

My approach to managing my team iis collaborative and open. I'm there to make sure they're working on the right things, they get coaching on the skills they need develop, they're not overloaded with work and they have what they need to do their jobs. We have weekly.121s where we discuss any topic they want to. We also have regular retros where we discuss how things are going as a team, talk through challenges and ideas they have then implement and monitor.

You need some training.if you've not had it yet. I'd also find a mentor who you can book regular time with to discuss.

I manage professionals, they know their stuff so it might not fit your situation or organisation.

If you have meetings make them short and productive. Have an agenda (even if short and a couple of items) to keep the meeting on track.
If you have a new idea or insight make sure you get it in writing, like sending an email if necessary to your line manager as women's ideas often get stolen or they don't get credit.
Don't be surprised by conflicts or personality clashes, this happens every where in every group of people, its how you handle it that matters.
You might want to join a women's business organization and see if you can find a mentor in your field so you have some support outside your workplace.

Have their backs and make sure they know you do. I work in a team which is currently disintegrating because our manager chucks us under the bus at any opportunity and doesn’t listen to any suggestion unless it’s come from him.

All the above but the hard bit is when someone isn’t up to scratch or you have to say No. That’s where the books/mentoring will help.

My advice is: build the relationships first THEN think about changes.
If you want to implement changes, you will need their trust so they give it a good chance of success.

I'd focus on listening to them: regular opportunities to catch up, etc.
Since you're originally from within the team, I might use that knowledge to identify some small thing that you know the team is frustrated by - and fix that. Take the easy win and use it to build the trust

(I’ve had that happen to me too when I got an internal promotion. It says it all about them and is not a reflection on you)

You also need to give yourself permission to learn to be a good manager. It takes longer than a few weeks.

A mental approach that allows you to view your self as learning skills will help you move forward, rather than every set back be reconfirming (a false) notion that you can’t do this job.

@yoshiblue

Congrats on the job promotion. I've done a women into leadership programme before and you need to 'fake it until you make it'. Also remember the majority of men would take a promotion without a thought and wouldn't be doubting themselves, so don't do it to yourself!

On a practical note, I would say better managers:

• Communicate well
• Generally be friendly/approachable
• Give autonomy where possible, don't micromanage
• Remember to say thanks/praise team members regularly for a job well done
• Think about how to create a good team culture. I would in agile software engineering, so we would do this collaboratively in a team - Running sessions to talk about team culture, how we want to work together/support each other. May not be right depending on your specific team/industry but one to think about.

I really really hate that expression 'fake it until you make it'. It does nobody any favours.

I wouldn't be concerned about deleting you from social media. As a leader, your relationship with your colleagues will change and whilst you should be friendly, being friends can make things difficult.

Ignoring you is not professional and needs addressing

Some networking groups

womeninbusiness.co.uk/
wibn.co.uk/?
www.bpwuk.co.uk/

I've just left a role partly because of a bad manager.
She wasn't present and visible - she never checked in with me. She would kick off initiatives that impacted my role without telling me about them. I always felt on the back foot.
Good luck OP. Even asking your question means you'll be a great manager!

Are you now managing the person who won’t speak to you?

Again - thank you so much. I’ve downloaded the books suggested and will take everything else on board.

@Sammysquiz - yes, he is now in my team and I manage him directly.

Regular catch ups
Actively listen
Solve problems
If someone is telling you they are overloaded/stuck then help them to resolve the issues to move forward
Don't tolerate poor behaviour/laziness from team members
Treat people equally
Don't have favourites
Find out people's strengths and what they like to do
Encourage and support people to progress

I've had far too many bosses who couldn't give a crap about massive workloads or my development. It gets tiring pretty quickly when all the effort is one way traffic.

Also get to know them. Understanding their lives and outlooks will help things fall into place.

This is a generic piece of advice for everyone, simple but its amazing how often we ignore it. Unless blindingly obvious or you are a direct witness, always hear both sides of a story or conflict before making a decision. If you are out of ideas on how to respond in the moment say that you are going to think about an appropriate response and will be getting back to them. And then do it.

Be a clear decision maker and not a ditherer but make sure your decisions are informed and you have got enough information.