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Original poster

Husbands ex has messaged me WWYD

39 replies

islathepaella · 19/03/2022 11:02

Wondering what peoples thoughts are on this? I’ve been with my husband for 11 years now, married 2. We have 2 children as well. Before we got together my husband was with somebody else for a few months, it was never serious and was more of a friends with benefits type of thing. We got together 6 months after they broke things off. She didn’t take it well as I was friends with my husband before we ended up getting together. They never seen each other again or spoke.

A while ago my husband noticed this woman had been messaging him on messenger but it was going into the request section so never seen them until last year. She had been messaging him many times including her address throughout the years until this year. Yesterday I got a message from her saying I’m a bitch and I’m with the person she should be with. She also messaged him saying “you’re married now?”

My husband has blocked her and has never replied to any of her messages. It’s quite clear looking at her Facebook profile she has issues & posting very bizarre things.

The thing what is worrying me is that she’s escalated to messaging me now and I worry if I seen her out with my children she might approach us. She does live local to us. Half of me is thinking I should just block her and not reply but what if these messages continue and we do end up bumping into her? Am I best replying so she finally has a response? Or should I just block her? Its still as a message request so she doesn't know I've seen it as I've not accepted it.

OP posts:
Lookingforanswers202 · 19/03/2022 11:04

Screen shot them block.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 19/03/2022 11:05

No just block and ignore. Woman’s got issues engaging with her won’t help.

Lurking9to5 · 19/03/2022 11:06

You've been together 11 years and she still thinks they should be together? That level of not letting go is scary.

I would block her.

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Bladdiebladdieblah · 19/03/2022 11:07

I'd screen shot it, block and move on.

She's had 11 years to do something in the street and hasn't. What makes you believe she would start now.

dizzydizzydizzy · 19/03/2022 11:18

As PPs have said, screen shot and block. Hopefully she'll get bored eventually and move in. Replying to her could give oxygen to the fire.

Georgeskitchen · 19/03/2022 11:26

She sounded a bit unhinged . Has hubby read the msgs she sent him?

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 19/03/2022 11:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SaltedEggplant · 19/03/2022 11:33

As everyone has said block and screenshot. No good will come from replying, its unlikely she will just stop because you reply.

tkwal · 19/03/2022 11:38

Screenshot everything then block her

LaraDeSalle · 19/03/2022 11:38

Never ever engage with these kinds of people.

Do not read messages even out of curiosity.

Block her.

Some people thrive on drama and if she gets the chance to message you something horrible and then sees that you have read it, that will give her a feeling of warped satisfaction and she will want to do it again and again.

If you are out with your children and she approaches and is argumentative. Go into a a large shop and ask for security and make a call to the police.

Follow through any harassment complaints, never back out.

ladydimitrescu · 19/03/2022 11:42

Screen shot all the messages to both of you, and then block from all accounts.
I don't think messaging back will end well.

FeelFreeNotToAnswer · 19/03/2022 11:44

I think I would log it with the police too. This has been going on for 11years right? Your DH just didn't see the messages? She is moving into stalker territory.

TheSnowyOwl · 19/03/2022 11:44

So after all these years and messages you really think that if you reply once she will accept it and that’s the end of it? Just ignore and block her.

TheEarthIsNotFlat · 19/03/2022 11:48

Screenshot and block. My friend is a counsellor and says that there are lots of people, both men and women who get obsessional about others. Even to the point where 10 years later, having only gone on one date they still think that the person is ‘the one’ and is convinced they will be in touch. This woman sounds very much like that.

Original poster
islathepaella · 19/03/2022 11:59

Thanks everyone. I've screen shot and blocked her. It's the fact it's still going on 11 years later and her now messaging me which is worrying. This is the first time she's reached out to me. You're all right though I don't think I'll get through to her with a reply.

The messages all came through as a request to my husband so he blocked her after reading them. You can read them without accepting the request which he did and blocked her. So she doesn't know he's read them. My husband thinks she has several accounts. I'm just a little unnerved I have all my SM on private so she can't see anything, not that I post a lot anyway.

Good advice if I do see her around though so thank you.

OP posts:
impossible · 19/03/2022 12:00

Don't engage with her in any way. Screenshot and block and behave as though you haven't seen her messages. Your husband not responding has kept her at bay for many years and you should do the same.

If she does approach you and dcs be low key, and 'normal' about it - don't give her any opportunity to escalate. If you show emotion or get annoyed you are giving her something to latch onto. She is clearly obsessive and will distort anything you give her.

impossible · 19/03/2022 12:01

Glad you've blocked.

BeanStew22 · 19/03/2022 12:14

@TheEarthIsNotFlat

Screenshot and block. My friend is a counsellor and says that there are lots of people, both men and women who get obsessional about others. Even to the point where 10 years later, having only gone on one date they still think that the person is ‘the one’ and is convinced they will be in touch. This woman sounds very much like that.
This is right …most likely she messages your DH/you when something is going on with her life (eg my ex messaged me when his wife was pregnant Hmm), so i would not think she’s spent every day of the last 11 years focused on you

I’d screenshot & report to 111 as unwanted contact but otherwise do nothing. It’s unlikely she would approach you or your kids but if so don’t engage

How old are the DC?

DetailMouse · 19/03/2022 12:18

I'm sorry but I'd say DH knows a lot more than he's letting on. She hasn't been messaging for 11 years without getting anything back

SexiestDogWalker · 19/03/2022 12:21

I know how you feel. Someone my husband had a four month relationship with when he was 17 messaged me out of the blue 20 years later to tell me she had intimate videos of the two of us and that he was sneaking out of the house at night to drive 200 miles to have sex with her and return home before dawn. She said if I didn't leave him, she would make the videos public. Or if I didn't respond, she would kill herself. It was to be my choice.

Some people are dangerously unhinged

Hutchy16 · 19/03/2022 12:22

@DetailMouse

That’s not helpful

DetailMouse · 19/03/2022 12:27

[quote Hutchy16]@DetailMouse

That’s not helpful[/quote]
No insisting the that she's some poor deluded woman is far more helpful. How many men have these mad exes compared to the number of actual real women you know who suffer like this?

thenewduchessoflapland · 19/03/2022 12:32

Reminds me of my friends stepdaughters mother;she isn't even my friends partners ex.

They knew each other from school;he moved away at 16.About 15 years ago in was in the area visiting family and the pair of them had a weekend of fun together whilst he was there.It was never anything more.

Hey presto a few weeks later she contacted him saying she was pregnant.He sees his DC a few times a year at a relative's house in the town he's from.

The mother still after 15 years given up on the fact they won't ever be together;she's obsessed with him.He's been in a relationship with my friend for the past 8 years;they have a child together,the mother has had two more children with two other men since.

Some people are just plain weird.

Original poster
islathepaella · 19/03/2022 12:49

@DetailMouse
Out of my husband and I, I'm the only one who's called her deranged I wish I was able to share snippets of her profile on here. My husband isn't bothered by her, surely if something was going on - he'd be insisting on me to block her and acting differently. He's only said to me I'd just ignore her.

The messages are very random. We last heard from her around a year ago when my husband discovered all the messages.

Thanks to the posters about the counselling thing. That's made me feel better and explained it well. She posted a big thing on her profile yesterday morning and then messaged us both a few hours later.

My children both are under 3 so very young which makes me anxious if we did see her.

@SexiestDogWalker that's awful so sorry that happened to you. That must have been so scary!

OP posts:
BOOTS52 · 19/03/2022 12:59

I would not have any contact with her as she will drive you insane constantly messaging you. But there is also a part of me that would be curious if anything was been hidden by my husband but then again that is just me been paranoid. She probably would not recognize you when you are out and about but I would report it as someone else said so if anything else happened you have that logged. As someone else said it is probably when she is going through a tough time she thinks of a time she felt happy and then messages your husband. She must have some issues so best to ignore and try to forget about her. I don't think she would approach you at all she is just one of those that are brave behind a screen. Must be very stressful to have this going on and would make you overthink. Sorry you are going through this.

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