Anyone have 2 DC and no additional family support?

[BorisGotAwayWithItAgain]

We have one toddler and hoping to have another baby (I'm 40 so need to move quickly). However we have zero wider family support, no grandparents or aunts / uncles able to help look after our DD (and had no bubble during pandemic) so my DD has only ever been looked after by DH or me. She has only just started nursery part-time and so it's been a slog.

I just wonder how those with no wider family to help out with babysitting manage to find any headspace or time as a couple? Obviously childcare, but how do you organise your time? Notwithstanding the childcare needed to work etc. I'm worried as we never get a break or time alone and I feel we need to make sure we get that otherwise I think we could combust!

I have 3 dc and no support. We don't ever have time as a couple. But we are good at taking turns so we can go out separately if we want to.

Myself and husband both worked full time with 3 young children and zero support....you just work it out

I wouldn't leave my kids with a babysitter I don't know is such a bizarre thing that always gets posted on threads about babysitters.

Oddly, not many parents would do that.
We leave them with people we do know, or that have been highly recommended to us by people we know really well.
Our first babysitter was our childminder's daughter. She knew FAR more about looking after babies than dh and I did put together.
We have used the dc of long standing family friends - so we'd known those teens all their lives. We had a colleague of mine offer to look after mine once. When my dd was a Young Leader at cubs, she was asked to sit for a couple of her cubs, when she was in 6th form. Our teen next door neighbour sat for us for a few years. A friend from Church. One of the teens who volunteered at my dc's sports club. etc etc. etc.
Oddly, I didn't just go out on the street and ask a passer by to come in.

Yes. You pay for the help you can get. If you're REALLY lucky you buddy up with other families. We didn't have this but I know some who had lots of sleepovers etc giving parents some time to selves.
It can be relentless, yes.
Institute good bedtime routine and discipline so you get an evening to yourselves. Start now if you haven't already

@Kite22

I wouldn't leave my kids with a babysitter I don't know is such a bizarre thing that always gets posted on threads about babysitters.

Oddly, not many parents would do that.
We leave them with people we do know, or that have been highly recommended to us by people we know really well.
Our first babysitter was our childminder's daughter. She knew FAR more about looking after babies than dh and I did put together.
We have used the dc of long standing family friends - so we'd known those teens all their lives. We had a colleague of mine offer to look after mine once. When my dd was a Young Leader at cubs, she was asked to sit for a couple of her cubs, when she was in 6th form. Our teen next door neighbour sat for us for a few years. A friend from Church. One of the teens who volunteered at my dc's sports club. etc etc. etc.
Oddly, I didn't just go out on the street and ask a passer by to come in.

I’m not judging people that do, I said I wouldn’t, I don’t have anyone I know who could baby sit so they would be strangers, what you described isn’t a stranger, I meant people from websites such as childcare.co.uk or asking on Facebook (yes I’ve actually seen people advertising baby sitting services on there or asking for babysitters!) and yes people do use websites to find babysitters, it’s not something I would do those that want to that’s fine for them but I wouldn’t do it personally.

Totally agree @thaegumathteth , it is about the back up plan if you are unable to function normally. Primarily the extended family offered support for daily tasks to be completed (e.g. getting to do the washing /cooking/ cleaning without having a 1yo hanging off your trouser leg), not necessarily to provide you a Friday evening off in the beer garden (exaggeration there). Most of the exhaustion from little children (under 7-8s) comes from the interruptions of daily mundane tasks, the emptying out whilst tidying up, the distractions and safety aspects of small child parenting.

And true to MN bingo, someone unthread mentioned getting an Au Pair typical. It's about having someone to play with little Johnnie so that you can put the washing on the line, and not be on guard that little Johnnie is going to run off to the pond. It's about having someone in the house while you go to pick up little Mary, and not having to wake little Johnnie up for the nursery / school pick up. It's about having someone who you can trust & call if you can't make it back home when little Mary has walked back from school. Lots of grandparents had the support needed by their own family etc, but are wilfully ignoring their own progeny. Yet they want to know when you are going back to work full time....

Yes. DTs and surprise number 3 due in Aug. It’s exhausting and I wish we had more family support. Dsis is in the US, and both sets of parents are 3+ hours away.

I’ve just stumbled across this post,
we’re in exactly the same boat, we have no family close by and we’ve just found out we’re expecting baby no two.
I feel so incredibly anxious about how we’ll
cope. Most of our friends moved out of London when they had kids years ago, most to be with family.
Our little one is in nursery 3-4 days whilst we work, we just about cope. It’s tiring and stressful to work to pay for the childcare and now we have to think about how to pay for 2.
Hope you managed to find a some help locally