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Original poster

What would you do

36 replies

Charlie9481 · 15/03/2022 21:12

Hi, so me and my boyfriend were talking about looking for a flat together. He has a dog, a really really big dog that i don’t get on with. The dog has physically hurt me before many times and i do forever have scarrs on my legs from it. I am unable to trust it at all, in my eyes it is boarderline dangerous as it randomly goes for people and like i said, it’s a really really big dog and i myself am only small lol. As the dog has hurt me before, i have said i could never live with it as inevitably, i would at some point be left alone with it and i obviously am not willing to do that. We also really want a baby and it makes me sick thinking about my baby being around the dog. Now he has fell out with me over it, saying ‘the dog will change’ and he isn’t willing to leave it with his parents. Am i in the wrong for feeling this way lol? He’s choosing a dog over me, and is clearly willing to risk my, and his future baby’s safety. Guess i am going to look a place for just myself lol 🤷‍♀️ What would you do ??

OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 15/03/2022 21:19

I'm a dog lover and had a dog for 14 years until he died. But I wouldn't want to live with a dangerous dog - which if you are carrying scars from attacks, this without question is. I'd be even less happy to bring a baby/child into a house with such a dog.

The dog will not 'change' of its own accord. It would need serious work with a specialist dog behaviourist to have a chance - has your boyfriend looked into this?

I do feel sorry for the dog - clearly somewhere along the way it's had bad experiences or at best, lack of training and socialisation. But unless the dog received specialist behavioural help, and was then assessed as improved, I would not be moving in with it.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/03/2022 21:19

I'd decide if a relationship while not living together was what I wanted. I would never expect someone to give up a pet on my behalf. Living together is not an option here, you have to decide if that's a deal breaker.

Floralnomad · 15/03/2022 21:22

You are not wrong for not wanting to live with a dog that you perceive is dangerous , and he’s not wrong for not giving up his pet - I wouldn’t . The obvious answer is living together is out of the question until the demise of the dog . How old is it ?

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Original poster
Charlie9481 · 15/03/2022 21:26

He hasn’t looked into any of the specialist behaviourists and he won’t - i have tried to get him to, but he is convinced he can change it himself.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 15/03/2022 21:26

You are not wrong.
You wouldn’t feel safe with it, so I can’t imagine you feeling that a baby will be safe with it.

Original poster
Charlie9481 · 15/03/2022 21:28

It’s just over 2 years old. Still young and so i feel like it’s behaviour is just going to get worse

OP posts:
Xpologog · 15/03/2022 21:31

“ as it randomly goes for people ” That one phrase is enough to say no to the dog. I’m a dog lover, have always had a dog but you cannot own a dangerous dog, which this one seems to be.

What injuries have you had from the dog? Bites or it barging into you, knocking you over? The second could be trained out but I’d never 100% trust a dog that had bitten more than once.

Original poster
Charlie9481 · 15/03/2022 21:31

I had a dog myself too, i grew up with one so i know just how much they can mean to a person. I love dogs but it’s so upsetting that I’m stuck between now living alone, or putting myself in an uncomfortable , scary situation to live with someone i love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlie9481 · 15/03/2022 21:35

It has bitten people but not me. I was once left alone with it for no more than 10 minutes, but for the whole 10 minutes it was leaping up onto me, trying to bite my hands and as it’s so big i have now got huge scars on my legs as it’s claws sliced my legs open whilst it was jumping onto me and every inch of my legs were bruised

OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 15/03/2022 21:36

If the dog is only two, you might well be looking at another ten years of life. He really has to think about involving a behaviourist if he wants to share his home with a partner, and start a family, because I can't imagine anyone would want to move in with the dog.

He thinks he can change it himself - what training is he doing with it? To me, it sounds as though it's beyond what a layperson could do, but if he is attempting it, it will take serious effort, 100% consistency and the following of expert advice.

Riverlee · 15/03/2022 21:38

I wouldn’t want to live in a flat with a dog I feel unsafe with, especially one that had injured me before.

ButtockUp · 15/03/2022 21:49

I wouldn't move in with him.

ChristmasTreeGorgeous · 15/03/2022 21:50

For crying out loud the bloke has a dangerous dog. Tell him it’s you or the dog make your mind up time.

DownWhichOfLate · 15/03/2022 21:53

A lockdown dog then? Without socialisation or training? Yeah, don’t ever move in with him if he keeps the dog!

Charlie8877 · 15/03/2022 21:53

He thinks that just shouting ‘no!’ when it goes for someone, then giving it treats 2 minutes later is going to do the job. As much as i tell him that this won’t help in the slightest he doesn’t listen

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 15/03/2022 21:55

What makes you think he will make a decent df? Have can't even do what's best for a ddog. No decent owner won't train their ddog. If it bites someone other than you he may have it removed and pts...
Leave him at home with the ddog op.. Not even worth fighting for imo.

Charlie8877 · 15/03/2022 21:55

He’s pretty much already chosen the dog, his mind isn’t going to change Sad

Cas112 · 15/03/2022 21:55

I'm sorry but you can absolutely no way saying he's choosing a dog over me.. what a way off guilt tripping him. Awful thing to say, don't you realise what a dog is to some people, more than 'just a dog'

ClariceQuiff · 15/03/2022 21:59

@Charlie8877

He thinks that just shouting ‘no!’ when it goes for someone, then giving it treats 2 minutes later is going to do the job. As much as i tell him that this won’t help in the slightest he doesn’t listen
I think you've had a name change fail, OP.

You're absolutely right, that's not an effective training method. He needs to follow a proper, structured programme.

Charlie8877 · 15/03/2022 22:00

I haven’t said that to him so no, I’m not guilt tripping him. I understand completely what a dog means to some people, i grew up with one myself. However when it comes to a dangerous dog and the choice of living with the woman he has been with for years, and he chooses the dog, of course that’s going to be a shock to the system darling.

Charlie8877 · 15/03/2022 22:03

In no way am i saying he should get rid of the dog completely, he did at one point say he would leave it with his parents who would live in the same area as us so he could visit it whenever he pleased. However his mind has now obviously changed

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/03/2022 22:06

Id never live with a dog like that, and since it’s only 2, I’d be ending the relationship as I wouldn’t want to live apart for the many years this dog potentially has to live.

ChocolateRiver · 15/03/2022 22:06

I think you already know the answer, but yes it sounds like he’s chosen the dog. I like dogs and had one growing up but there is absolutely no way I would live with a dog like you describe. As sad as it is I think it’s time to cut your loses and move on. In addition, I also think your bf is also showing really poor judgement with this dog and not dealing with its behaviour. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

carefullycourageous · 15/03/2022 22:11

Stay away from the dog, do not move in with it.

Unanananana · 15/03/2022 22:18

What breed is it?

Your boyfriend is doing this lockdown dog a massive disservice neglecting it by not training it. It'll end up destroyed if it keeps biting. He is a dick.

You are absolutely correct to not want to be near this dog that has already injured you or may potentially injure future children.