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Original poster

Friend lied about being descended from the aristocracy?

76 replies

jezzarbar · 14/03/2022 20:02

Hi all,

I have a close friend who has consistently lied to me and others about being part of the aristocracy. Both his parents have regular jobs, a nurse and a doctor, but he claims to be a direct descendant of some very very posh families. He goes around telling people and they are often like 'wow' or impressed etc

He even gave names of individuals. I never really thought about it as he is posh and would make sense.

But recently he told me one name and I googled it. I found out the person died without any children so it was impossible for it to be his x times grandfather. I once worked freelance as a genealogy researcher whilst between jobs, so I know my way around records and research.

I decided to be very nosy and look into him. He has absolutely no aristocratic family. In fact, most of his family seems to be working class south londoners.

Why would someone do this?

OP posts:
cakeorwine · 14/03/2022 22:27

I'm a descendant of William The Conqueror.

Mind you, so is probably every single person on here. If you were to do a family tree which showed every descendant of William The Conqueror, you would have loads of people

Just imagine how many descendants your great great grandparents have and then go back to 1066.

So when Danny Dyer gets excited about his Royal links, it's nothing special.

cakeorwine · 14/03/2022 22:30

but he claims to be a direct descendant of some very very posh families

How far back?

I mean, did a family 20 generations ago have 10 children, 1 of them had 10 children, 1 of them had 5 children etc etc and eventually he was one of the children?

Because we are all direct descendants of a lot of people. From all backgrounds. Not sure how you can be an indirect descendant?

BadLad · 14/03/2022 22:59

Did he claim to be the Duke of Kidderminster.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
PleaseBeSeated · 14/03/2022 23:16

But it might be true, or he might believe it to true. His sister’s family tree presumably records the ‘official’ version of events, but, depending on how far back we’re talking, is unlikely to include the offspring the randy sons of the Duke of Whosit begot on the scullerymaid and the like.

The birth certificate of my mother’s stillborn older brother records him as the child of her husband of a few months, my grandfather, but she almost certainly got pregnant by someone else and was married off to a penniless, much older man whose first wife had died, leaving him with two sons and a vacancy.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 14/03/2022 23:26

@cakeorwine

I'm a descendant of William The Conqueror.

Mind you, so is probably every single person on here. If you were to do a family tree which showed every descendant of William The Conqueror, you would have loads of people

Just imagine how many descendants your great great grandparents have and then go back to 1066.

So when Danny Dyer gets excited about his Royal links, it's nothing special.

Good point. At 25 years per generation (a conservative estimate) There are 37 generations between me and William the Conquerer.

2^37 is 136 billion. So I have 68 billion great great great ….. great grandfathers and 68 billion great great ….. great grandmothers.

I really need to get more organised with birthday present giving!

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 14/03/2022 23:42

@BadLad

Did he claim to be the Duke of Kidderminster.
😃😄

But really, "the aristocracy"? They're just people, as shitty and dull as anyone else, not remotely special... just lucky enough to be born into money. Its not something to fib about or give a toss about.

Xpologog · 14/03/2022 23:53

I really wouldn’t let it bother you. If it’s the worst thing this person ever does then that’s no great problem is it?
These things do get dropped into families. I was told as a child my parent was descended from someone famous, quite far back in history. I bought a book about the person and thought I could see a likeness with my parent. Of course when the Internet came along and it was so easy to trace back 200 years I found it’s not true at all. No idea how the story originated, but before I was born.

thatonesmine · 14/03/2022 23:59

I've spent much of my life believing, and telling people, that my father's family history included some rather noteworthy people. Not aristocrats but people who are admired, have their own Wikipedia pages, that kind of thing. This is because it's what my Dad had always told me. After he died I did some digging on Ancestry and there's no trace of any of these connections Blush

Knittingchamp · 15/03/2022 06:59

Every time you see him be really interested and see how many wild lies you can get out of him, just for your own entertainment, but never tell anyone you know the real story. It'd be funny for you, and he'd probably enjoy himself as well. Obviously don't trust him with anything though or go last a totally superficial friendship as he has a rather unusually fluid relationship with the truth.

Lurking9to5 · 15/03/2022 07:06

Maybe it's family folklore and he believes it. Some of the things my x told me about his family, I googled and found an...............incongruence shall we say. But HE firmly believes it still and now our kids do too.

BringMeTea · 15/03/2022 07:09

I wouldn't challenge him I would just avoid him unless he is a truly fabulous friend. Sad.
Gonnagetgoing is it uncle Blyton? Grin

ThePlantsitter · 15/03/2022 07:22

It's weird to find out someone is lying. I realise everyone is wanting to show how little they think bloodlines matter - I agree - but in a way that's even weirder!

Ultimately, as a PP said, some people just lie. If you don't it's a bit unsettling when you find that out.

maddy68 · 15/03/2022 07:30

It could be somethblike my family history. My dad was born to someone highly famous however he was kept a secret just money kept arriving for decades he may not be lying and even if he was why are you so bothered ?

It doesn't affect you in the slightest. You don't know the circumstances and I honestly would not have time to "research" a friend

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/03/2022 07:34

It’s a pretty pathetic thing to be bragging about, so I’d look on it in that vein and find it amusing rather than anything else.,

OTOH people who died without ‘legitimate issue’ may well have had one or more on the wrong side of the blanket, so he might be going on some traditional family story - a servant turned out without a character after Lord Randybugger demanded more from her than just dusting the drawing room and bringing up his hot shaving water.

Two people on Who Do You Think You Are? that I can recall, were shown to have very distant links to mediaeval monarchs, but if you could go back that far, many of us very likely do. One was Judi Dench IIRC, the other I don’t remember but was from a very ‘ordinary’ family.

I do often wonder how long it took the genealogists in question to research and come up with links like that!

BalloonSlayer · 15/03/2022 07:39

I have a bit of family lore on my Dad's side which I have told lots of people.

My Mum mentioned my sister telling it to someone the other day, adding "I wonder if she realises that's an urban myth - loads of people claim that."

I was horrified, I really thought it was true!

So it might not be his fault.

Gilly12345 · 15/03/2022 07:44

Maybe if you are certain your information is correct then ask yourself why you would want a liar as a close friend?

When someone is a liar you have to question what else they may have lied about.

PleaseBeSeated · 15/03/2022 07:52

@maddy68

It could be somethblike my family history. My dad was born to someone highly famous however he was kept a secret just money kept arriving for decades he may not be lying and even if he was why are you so bothered ?

It doesn't affect you in the slightest. You don't know the circumstances and I honestly would not have time to "research" a friend

But was your father always open about it to you? It’s interesting to think about the logistics of keeping that kind of thing out of the public domain?
EricScrantona · 15/03/2022 07:56

He may have been told this by his parents and never done the research himself. He may be quite embarrassed to find out.

QuebecBagnet · 15/03/2022 07:58

@cakeorwine

I'm a descendant of William The Conqueror.

Mind you, so is probably every single person on here. If you were to do a family tree which showed every descendant of William The Conqueror, you would have loads of people

Just imagine how many descendants your great great grandparents have and then go back to 1066.

So when Danny Dyer gets excited about his Royal links, it's nothing special.

Me too. We must be related! Grin

The Queen is something like my 26th cousin twice removed. I’m also related to the Swedish royal family and the Spanish royal family and was related to the Romanovs. I’m more directly related to the Percy family of Alnwick Castle, duke of Northumberland. Every single monarch since william the conquer is on my family tree with Henry 3rd and 4th being direct ancestors. Can’t say it’s anything to be impressed about.

Ulchabhan · 15/03/2022 07:58

I read somewhere that all English people who had family in England in the fifteenth century are descended from Edward IV.

So unless, like me, he is a more recent arrival he might be telling the truth.

cultkid · 15/03/2022 08:07

Haha you googled your friend

You are not a friend

cakeorwine · 15/03/2022 08:13

@Ulchabhan

I read somewhere that all English people who had family in England in the fifteenth century are descended from Edward IV.

So unless, like me, he is a more recent arrival he might be telling the truth.

Probably also descended from a slave in Roman times as well.

My Gran did our family tree - and did an ok job - but she never actually traced back the parents of every person on the tree she found.

This is kind of why I am unimpressed when people say the Royals can be traced back to William The Conqueror. Well, it's just because records were kept.

appleturnovers · 15/03/2022 08:26

I've encountered several people in my life who have made up elaborate lies to make themselves sound interesting. It's very frustrating because once you realise they lied about one thing, you then realise you can't trust a single word out of their mouth, which makes it like... just what is the point of even talking to them? If I want fiction I watch soaps, but when I listen to my friends talking it's because I want to get to know them.

They often do it out of insecurity and then just get into a habit. I know someone who confronted a friend like this, directly but kindly, and just said to him "well I know that's bullsh*t" (but sort of laughing with him iyswim) and he just laughed and held his hands up and said "yeah, I don't really know why I make stuff up like that". But it broke the ice and meant that from then on every time he said something that was clearly untrue she could then say "is this true or are you making stuff up again?" and they were able to carry on their friendship.

BusinessMindThoughts · 15/03/2022 08:41

he may not be lying and even if he was why are you so bothered ?

Because it's really bloody weird to lie consistently to close friends about something so pointless? I'd find it a bit sad, OP, the person is not who you thought they were in that presumably you thought them honest and now it's likely they're a habitual liar.

Does he have any other odd claims/ has he been found to be lying about anything else inconsequential?

redbigbananafeet · 15/03/2022 08:46

@jezzarbar

Hi all,

I have a close friend who has consistently lied to me and others about being part of the aristocracy. Both his parents have regular jobs, a nurse and a doctor, but he claims to be a direct descendant of some very very posh families. He goes around telling people and they are often like 'wow' or impressed etc

He even gave names of individuals. I never really thought about it as he is posh and would make sense.

But recently he told me one name and I googled it. I found out the person died without any children so it was impossible for it to be his x times grandfather. I once worked freelance as a genealogy researcher whilst between jobs, so I know my way around records and research.

I decided to be very nosy and look into him. He has absolutely no aristocratic family. In fact, most of his family seems to be working class south londoners.

Why would someone do this?

He's a narcissist. My ex did the same. Run away and DO NOT lend him any money.