Are you thinking of taking in Ukrainians?

[Lostmyname]

Came here thinking there would be thread about this, apologies if I've missed it.
We are a family of three with a spare room and I feel like this is something we could do, but am I seeing it through rose-tinted glasses? DH and kids on board with it.

"It's only food that costs more really. Heating the house is the same, and it's getting warmer now anyway."

It's definitely not unfortunately. And is the reason I wouldn't be able to do it. We have a spare room at the moment, will one day soon be another nursery but with the cost of living going up so rapidly and me on unpaid maternity we are pushed to our limits whereas previously we had surplus every month.

You'd be paying them to have a bath or shower everyday. The water (if you're on a meter) and then also the cost of heating it! Then the cost of washing all their clothes. The extra food yes (not cheap atm) and then the cost of cooking the food, washing extra plates. Extra runs of the dishwasher. Electric being used in a room it usually isn't.

Unfortunately this all costs money and before the last few months these aren't costs I'd have thought of either to be quite honest.

I think it’s amazing that people want to help but the extent of peoples trauma is being underestimated imo. If my husband and pets were killed and I was sent with my kids to a country where I don’t speak the language to someone’s spare room - I wouldn’t be grateful, I’d be traumatised and raging.

There’s so much support in place for the free Syrian refugees in the country. I agree with the poster who said the government is playing a blinder by dumping this on a guilt-riddled general public. It’s obscene. But the stories can’t make money out of it so what do you expect?

*tories

No way. Wouldn't put my family at risk from total strangers and once they were in would they ever leave?

@BoldMove

No way. Wouldn't put my family at risk from total strangers and once they were in would they ever leave?

I don't think anyone should feel obliged to do it and I wouldn't be considering it if my dc were still young.

However, risk works both ways and it must be very worrying as a refugee to have to go to the home of a stranger. At least we have the choice whether we want to volunteer or not, they have no choice about this situation.

As for the government "dumping this" on the public, I am no supporter of Boris and his cronies, but in times of war, I think we all need to try and step up to the best of our abilities and not wait for the state to take care of things. I don't have any confidence in them to do it properly anyway; the concept of "care" has not been properly understood by successive governments for many years.

If I had the spare room I would. As a lone female working mother with a primary aged son, I'd feel fine sharing with another lone female and young child.

Might actually be nice to have some adult company around the house!

Would also help that I am a trauma informed community support worker, working with vulnerable women and can navigate the benefits system like the back of my hand.

I would though probably look to help out in my community as a volunteer alongside my day job to help any families settle in and get the support they need.

The level of trauma is HUGE. The idea that it's over because they're safe in a British house, is naive, but understandably so.

Everybody is on their phones getting updated minute by minute what's happening back home. And none of it is good. It's a prolongation of the trauma or secondary trauma (I'm not sure there's actually a categorisation for it as the West hasn't been touched by this before).

Furthermore, refugees go through multiple stages of loss. It's deeply traumatic to leave everything behind at short notice. They've lost their homes, jobs, daily routines, and are in a different culture, different language, different political, social, educational, health etc systems. They've lost their incomes, their status.

They've lost everything basically.

And the likely have friends and/or family still there fighting or struck.

And then on top of that, they're going to be guests in strangers houses.

Have you ever read threads here about guests outstaying their welcome after a long weekend, because OP wants her kitchen/TV/home back? We all need our space. And that goes for refugees too.

Someone upthread said it's easier than taking in a traumatised foster kid, because at least Ukrainians had normal lives until a few weeks ago. This is a massive underestimation of what it means to be a refugee. It's a wonderfully warm-hearted thing to do. But the understanding of the situation support is woefully inadequate. And that responsibility lies with the government. I'm not in any way blaming people who want to take in Ukrainians. Unless you've experienced or studied this area, you cannot be expected to know.

And I'm not even going to start about safeguarding..anyway, what's to say, cos there basically is none.

I'm not because of lack of space. If I did, I'd want to be happy that there was the level of support, such as in getting employment (have seen some companies planning this) and in things such as social gatherings.

My dad was part of a group that supported the Ugandan Asians that came to our local community in the 1970s, and they were people many of whom had a reasonable knowledge of English. I saw some of the challenges they faced.

For me sadly no. For a number of reasons, it will cost a lot of money to feed and house a family and 350 quid a month won’t cover it at all. Also it’s open ended. Ukraine has been tragically decimated, these people have no home to go back to and won’t for a long time, they could be with you for years. In addition if there is any form of issue Ie a personality clash the reality of removal once you’ve sponsored that family to come live with you will be nigh on impossible. This isn’t a short term thing, people are signing up to house clothe and feed for a long and undetermined time.

So for me, as much as I’d love to help my help needs to be in an different format Ie donations, I can’t take the risk of doing this snd couldn’t afford it anyway.

There's a lot of anti-Ukraine activity on the net -probably pushed by Russia in a common strategy that they've used countless times - to slap down any genuine concern for Ukraine by saying it's racist/offensive/etc - in some way to want to support Ukraine. It isn't.

If you're on here slapping down people who want to house refugees (who are being murdered, whose children are dying, right now) because of terrible racism and unfair policies in other conflict scenarios then ...you have reached the point of dehumanising real people in a frightening way, where your slacktivism virtue signaling is in your mind more important than rushing to the REAL defense of others at this EXACT moment (and when I say defense, i don't mean writing a post, I mean taking people into your home).

Many of us are active on an ongoing basis in real activism but for countless reasons wouldn't mention it on Mumsnet. Colonialism, racism, xenophobia, it's all deeply disturbing and very deserving of extensive action (as well as discussion). But if you're using any of these concepts as a stick to beat people who want to house refugees there's something that's gone very wrong with your thought process. They are separate entities. Get involved in each, take action, donate, fight for what you believe in, but don't sit on your phone sending out messages that weaponise other people's suffering for a what-about-ism post that puts people off helping refugees.

Due to ds who has significant asn and dp who would not, we won't. But if I had been single in my old house I absolutely would have.

As for the government "dumping this" on the public, I am no supporter of Boris and his cronies, but in times of war, I think we all need to try and step up to the best of our abilities and not wait for the state to take care of things

That's nice you think that but in terms of the government, I imagine the main incentive for them to do this is cost. £350 a month is an absolute bargain compared to how much it would cost to put a refugee up in a hotel!

I’ve seen a few say they can’t/don’t want to because they have young children - which is fine. But I don’t really understand why it matters that you have young children. Is it the work element- you’ve already got enough to do coping with toddlers? At what age child would you think it might be OK? Primary children? Secondary? What I’m asking is, why young children? Other reasons like you haven’t space or you can’t afford it or you don’t want to are fine, but the “young children” keeps being mentioned.

No. I have a spare room but it's too much to take on. The families will be traumatised and will require much more input than a room.

I imagine the payment will be taken by food / clothes etc etc.

With 2 children my focus needs to remain with them. If I didn't have have children or they'd flown the nest, then yes I would consider.

@SundayTeatime

I’ve seen a few say they can’t/don’t want to because they have young children - which is fine. But I don’t really understand why it matters that you have young children. Is it the work element- you’ve already got enough to do coping with toddlers? At what age child would you think it might be OK? Primary children? Secondary? What I’m asking is, why young children? Other reasons like you haven’t space or you can’t afford it or you don’t want to are fine, but the “young children” keeps being mentioned.

Yes it's the work involved and them potentially witnessing the fall out of recent events.

Whilst we would potentially have room, I don’t have the mental or physical capacity for it. I have children taking A levels and GCSES this year and younger children. I work from home and I literally don’t stop all day.
My other concern is as above-what happens after 6 months? These people will need real housing then-there is none near us-(rural village) so these people would have to uprooted again or live with us forever? I know the majority will want to go home but that will also need time and infrastructure
A little selfish I know but I am being honest.

I'm torn. I want to, but I have two young DC aged 4 and 3 both still costing me a fortune in nursery fees. With energy rocketing I'm just not sure I could afford the extra bills and food etc

I have a small spare room which my family stay in when here. Have considered it as I have had lodgers in the past. My reservations are mainly financial but also I can't imagine going off to work every day at 8 and leaving traumatised people in my house with my dog for the whole day. Someone mentioned insurance upthread. This is a good point as when I have lodgers I have special insurance too.

In principal I would like to but I'm anxious about the whole thing.
As pp have said I'm not sure I could support a family who has gone through so much trauma. The financial implications also worry me. That being said, I'm sure if I was in the positions of these refugees I would hope someone would help me.

The safeguarding issue is however a real worry and unless proper checks are in place some of these families could end up in very difficult/dangerous homes

I’m really torn by this - I would love to say I have the mental capacity to do this but I only have a small double bedroom spare, which I work from, 2 DC and 2 dogs. I just can’t imagine having extra adults and kids in the house, that aren’t working or going to school and so are there all the time.

Plus we live in a place with dreadful public transport so it would be difficult for them to get out and about.

I know this makes me a terrible person but I can’t see how I could offer them what they need for 6 months

You only need to provide room/s, NOT food refugees will be given access to benefits .

The £350 monthly payment is relatively low given the huge increases in utility bills. Many of us might be switching our heating off, or reducing our usage to save money, this is more difficult if you have guests or people at home all day . How can you offer accommodation and say but please have a quick shower.

If people are struggling with finances extra gas water and electric usage might be a problem unless you just decide to use the £350 to cover the household usage and help a family in dire . It is a difficult balancing act indeed.

I've signed up, we have a spare room and only older teens at home so I'm not hugely worried having a stranger in the house. A woman with a young child, or an older person on their own would be comfortable enough here I'm sure.

I understood it would be similar to a lodger so basically you give them room in the kitchen/fridge to store food and decide how much access to the rest of your house you are happy for them to have. I listened to a woman from UNICEF on radio 5 yesterday who has done this loads of times over many years and she said she was intending to offer again and overall had always had positive experiences. She sounded like a lovely person but I’m genuinely not sure I could open my home to strangers like that. I’m disappointed in myself but realistic enough to know my own limitations.

Yes it’s the cost of feeding a family, the fact it’s open ended, people can’t go back if their homes have been destroyed, and the ability to mentally support a family in this position.

With the cost of living increasing so much very few people can afford to feed a family with only 350 pounds contribution and to do so for what could be a year or two. It’s a huge ask.

I personally think the nightingale hospitals should be reopened as refugee centres. I suspect what’s concerning the government is both cost and the fact it could be for years.

@AlternativePerspective

Surely all the spare rooms in the UK are taken up by refugees from other conflicts already? Afghanistan/Syria etc? No?

I have read that Poland have already specified that they want white refugees only, and it seems that people in the UK are more or less saying here that now we’re talking about white people we should all step up and do something.

There are 1. Million Syrian refugees still looking for homes, and yet we can apparently find homes for an unlimited number of Ukrainians overnight.

TBH I think that this will be fraught with issues. Safeguarding on both sides, you have no idea who you are letting into your home, and equally refugees have no idea who they will be staying with.

I suspect the amount of people saying they will be signing up will outweigh the ones who actually do. Talk is cheap.

As a PP said the majority of afghan/Syrian refugees were single young men. That's a very different set up to a family/mother and child.