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Original poster

5 year age gap?

31 replies

Goldbar · 12/03/2022 18:11

I'm sure this has been done before but I'd be interested to hear about your experiences of a 5 year age gap (good and bad) between DC1 and DC2.

We've been trying for DC2 for over 2 years now (DC1 is 4) and this current pregnancy has finally 'stuck' longer than previous ones so I'm beginning to allow myself to get a little bit excited and to think it might actually happen. Obviously, our preference would have been for a much smaller age gap (2.5-3 years was what we were aiming for), but it didn't work out for us and DC1 will be almost 5 when DC2 arrives (if all goes according to plan).

I'm wondering how the age gap might pan out. Obviously, they probably won't be close playmates but we've begun very gently to prepare DC1 for potentially having a sibling and DC1 seems excited about the prospect of having a little sidekick to boss around.

OP posts:
NopeNopeNopeNot · 12/03/2022 18:16

My sister is 5 years younger and I have the best relationship with her, there's no reason why it couldn't be the same for your two. Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

Original poster
Goldbar · 12/03/2022 18:28

Thank you NopeNopeNopeNot. That's great to know - hoping ours will have an equally close relationship!

OP posts:
LadyHalesBroach · 12/03/2022 18:30

My DD and new DS have exactly 5 years between them. She’s old enough to ‘get it’, helps fetch a nappy, is off to school so there’s no juggling and she dotes on him. She’s never been threatened by the new arrival. For us, being two busy working parents, the age gap has been perfect.

Wasn’t planned due to miscarriage but it’s worked out well in the end.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
bumblefeline · 12/03/2022 18:34

Five years between my two. DD absolutely adored her little sister and loved helping out. Still best of friends, they are 15 and 20 now.

Wishing you all the best.

seekingsolace2 · 12/03/2022 18:39

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💕
My sister is 5 years older than me and we have the best relationship. She's like a friend who I'd confide into very easily but also due to the age gap she's smart enough to give me wise sound advice. In fact, the age gap may also help you with responsibilities. My sister used to help out my mom a lot with me and I used to help too with my younger sibling (also a 5 year age gap). I'm sure your children would get on well too!

duskyrain · 12/03/2022 18:43

I have two nephews with a 5 year gap and also two nieces with a 5 year gap. It's easier on the parents in terms of affording childcare, being able to focus on one child at a time. You will get the youngest in the same school as the eldest if there's a sibling policy. But now the nephews are in their teens, they barely spend time with each other as teens I guess tend to spend all their time in their rooms, and their developmental stages are wide (one doing A Levels, one in early stages of secondary). The nieces also don't play together much the older one is a tween and quite independent, the younger one complains about being lonely as the older one isn't interested in playing with her. Days out and extracurricular activities are difficult, there's never anything that suits them both (younger one is too short to go on rides that the older one wants to go on), most activities are split by age groups.

It all evens out in adulthood. A 20 year old and 25 year old will happily hang out in a pub together. But a 6 and 11 year old won't have much in common, or a 13 and 18 year old.

BurntO · 12/03/2022 18:47

5 years here. They have a lovely bond. DS dotes on his little brother, despite ds 2 age 3 being a monster to him at the moment (the toddler years 😭) easier for child care too. I’m sure there’s lots of pros for having them closer together but we don’t all get that option Flowers a five year gap is great

lionwolf · 12/03/2022 18:51

Congratulations! I had DS2 in April 2021 after MMC in Jan 2019 and Ectopic in Mar 2020. Like you, we were aiming for a 3 ish year gap, but the way it worked out DS1 was 5 years 4 months when DS2 was born.
It is AMAZING. DS1 is old enough to relish to big brother role, he’s confident and comfortable in his own skin to the extent that he has never shown any behaviour to suggest he feels remotely threatened. He absolutely dotes on his little brother- he is interested and helpful but not surgically attached, so for example when I was breastfeeding DS2 DS1 was not on top of me like I know can be the case with smaller age gaps. As DS1 is at school I get lots of time 1:1 with DS2 and we go to baby classes and can linger for a coffee in a way that we couldn’t do if we had another pre schooler. The school run rhythm punctuates our day beautifully and helps from a mental health perspective as you’re up and out each day.
DS2 is 11 months now and he adores DS1. They play simple games like passing objects to one another,
Peepo And DS2 chases DS1 in his walker, to both of their delight.
I didn’t plan it like this and I spent most of 2019 and 2020 grieving not only the babies we lost but also the sibling bond that I thought DS1 would never have so to see the bond developing now is magic.

AHobbyaweek · 12/03/2022 18:53

There is 5 years between myself and my brother and 5 between my brother and sister. We got on quite well with the odd squabble.
Now very close and my daughter is 6 with DS 6months.
It is working VERY well so far. She helps loads and is happy with him.

grosgirl · 12/03/2022 18:54

I could have written this! DS turns 5 in November and currently pregnant and due in October.

Had a miscarriage last year, which would have been just over a 4 year gap.

Original poster
Goldbar · 12/03/2022 19:07

Thank you for all your lovely stories and @grosgirl, congratulations on your pregnancy!

We're not expecting them to be close playmates, especially in the teen years, but we're hoping that affectionate tolerance won't be too much to ask for Grin.

OP posts:
ElliotGoss · 12/03/2022 19:13

This thread has made me happy. We are shortly expecting DS and DD is 5 in April.

GreyCarpet · 12/03/2022 19:14

There are 7 and a half years between mine. They couldn't have been closer growing up.

My eldest moved out last year and now lives in the city centre. My youngest loves the fact that once a month she gets to stay overnight at her older brother's, go out for dinner and generally have an experience she wouldn't otherwise have had. They are in contact everyday via Snapchat and WA and know everything that is going on in each other's lives. They are now 23 and 15.

Conversely, my brother and I have 3 years between us, we're not at all close growing up and, whilst we get on well as adults, we are not close.

It has a lot more to do with personalities and the relationship between them than age. I wouldn't worry about 5 years at all.

highlandcoo · 12/03/2022 19:18

I found it to be a lovely age gap - no jealousy at all and you have time to really enjoy the baby. Mine are adults now and have never had a cross word. Congratulations Flowers

123feraverto · 12/03/2022 19:22

My youngest is 9months and oldest is just turned 4
So a bit smaller age gap
Oldest is I would say is quite grown up 4 , he likes to help look after her and play games with her

So far it's a nice gap between them

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Krabby · 12/03/2022 19:22

I have 4y10m between my 2 boys - it's fab!

They get on well, because of the gap they're into different things do there's been no fighting over toys and stuff like that. But they're close enough in age to play together and have some shared interests.

DS1 started reception just before DS2 was born which was fab - the school run gave us structure to our day and I had time with the baby - and to sleep 😂

Its worked v well for us!

Bumply · 12/03/2022 19:23

4 years between my sons.
Elder one was distinctly unimpressed at arrival of number two and they've had their moments of fighting, of the sort that was more annoying for me than for them.
When they were younger I could get away with joint parties (birthdays two weeks apart) by booking soft play centre.
When they were a bit older I actually invited friend of eldest along to outings and even a holiday so I would entertain the youngest while the older two did things more suited to their age range.
They're in their 20s now and get along fine

LegoLady95 · 12/03/2022 19:24

For me it has been great. DS now 14 and DD is 9; they are extremely close and always have been. But I have friends with the same age gap and the kids are not close.
In terms of practicalities when they are young, I have this age gap but also a one year gap. Both have positives and negatives.
Essentially it depends on your children's personalities.

Newuser82 · 12/03/2022 19:27

My two have an almost six year age gap. They are super close and genuinely miss each other when not together. Don't get me wrong they do argue but they play nicely together a lot of the time. With toys or just running round playing tag, wrestling 🙈 or some kind of police role play. I find it has its pros and cons. pros, they don't seem to be jealous of each other. The eldest understands the the youngest is an occasionally unreasonable fellow and doesn't seem to mind. The eldest (9) can keep an eye on the youngest for two minutes now and again. The eldest had his one to one time when little, the youngest has his now when the eldest is at school. They don't argue like they might have done if closer in age. The youngest copies the oldest (mainly) good behaviour. Cons.. it's sometimes difficult to find places to take them both that will interest them both. The oldest is old enough to go out say to a show or something but the youngest isn't so we can't always go to things as a family, long walks don't always go well as the oldest can obviously walk much further than the little one but I find these are only small things and I'm not sure I'd change the age gap if I went back.

Mossstitch · 12/03/2022 20:06

Three boys, youngest two had four years 6 months between them, always had a great relationship at all ages. Could trust him to look after him as a baby and entertain him and bring him back from school when a teenager when I was at work. Grown men now and still see each other from choice at least 5 times a week. I think it's a far better gap than the traditional two year one that my older two were.👍

CoreyTaylorisHot · 12/03/2022 20:11

Me and my sister are 4.5 years apart! Very close relationship, even live in the same street. Once she got to teens we drifted abit but once she was older we became close again.
Hubby and his sister are 4.5 years apart, good relationship, my friend and her sister are very close with a 4.5 year age gap aswell!

carefullycourageous · 12/03/2022 20:14

Obviously, they probably won't be close playmates completely disagree based on our experience. Very close, very nice. There is a period when oldest is in later teens where the gap feels wider but then it closes again.

carefullycourageous · 12/03/2022 20:15

Best thing is the elder kids help with homework Grin

bellamountain · 12/03/2022 20:21

5 year gap between mine and my eldest is very attentive to his little brother. They get on so well and I think 5 year old plus always want a baby brother or sister. They don't really care when they are toddlers!

timestheyarechanging · 12/03/2022 21:02

Mine are 5 years apart, by choice. They've always been close. My daughter adores her little brother and still does. Never any fighting. They're 23 and 18 now, still very close, my daughter is now my sons chauffeur. She takes him and his girlfriend out for dinner. It's lovely