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What to say to “are you alright?” when I’m clearly hacked off.

35 replies

lightisnotwhite · 11/03/2022 18:08

I’m not a sulker nor am I passive aggressive. I grew up in a happily argumentative family and normally openly get stuff out.I do try and reign this in with friends as it’s not very civilised and whatever annoyance I have will pass.

However I do have 2 specific friends ask “ are you alright?” in a slightly accusatory tone when clearly they are very clearly the ones pissing me off. I have no come back. It really really winds me up.

Example.
Today I had to give a lift to a friend to work as she had no car. She wanted to be in 20 minutes later than I like to be in but I’m fine with that once in while. She was then late anyway , apologised listing all the problems that made her late, got in and asked me to turn the heating off as it makes her ill. She talked incessantly all the way to work.Banged on at work about how early she had got in today

Obviously I had already said I’d give her a lift home but she phoned me 30 minutes before we needed to leave in a panic, to make sure I was coming to get her. We had arranged that I would drop her at her house to pick up something then straight into town for important appointment. I explained that I was “late” as I didn’t want to wait around longer than necessary, given I was giving her a lift back after the appointment and would have to hang around until then.

I got her there in plenty of time but she was flustered, again. She went in , I went for a walk, she came out after 10 mins but apparently needed to return again after another 15 mins. She said she needed stuff from the shops. I said fine I’d drop her, go home myself and come back in 15 mins. It’s school pick up, I’ve got to right turn into very busy school traffic, pedestrians stepping out all over the place. I was fed up. Which was when she said it.
So what do I say to “ are you alright”? What I’d like to say is I’m doing you a massive favour, under duress. STFU.

Help me.

OP posts:
LaraDeSalle · 11/03/2022 18:10

No, not really. Said with arched eyebrow and pursed lips.

50DaysAF · 11/03/2022 18:11

Why did you agree to it when it winds you up so much?
Just say no. Problem solved.

Molly3132 · 11/03/2022 18:13

Your friend sounds like a difficult person and like she's taking the piss sorry! She sounds really cheeky and entitled. I personally wouldn't do her anymore favours as you sound like a nice person, and she's taking advantage. I'd probably just reply I'm fine but avoid her in future to be honest. I probably wouldn't get into arguments with people like that or tell them how they make you feel as it's pointless. Hope you're ok x

StrawberryLollipops · 11/03/2022 18:13

"Umm.... I think this is the last time I'm doing this for you."

lightisnotwhite · 11/03/2022 18:36

@50DaysAF

Why did you agree to it when it winds you up so much? Just say no. Problem solved.
She’s a friend, she had no car and I’m driving to the place we work at.

I would absolutely say no to a regular lift.

The extra 15 minutes wasn’t expected hence the rubbish traffic.. It’s the “are you alright” when clearly I would be if it wasn’t for doing her the favour.

OP posts:
lightisnotwhite · 11/03/2022 18:43

@Molly3132 Thank you.

I genuinely don’t mind a doing her favour. I’m just not sure why she thinks asking “am I alright” helps.
You’re right though, any answer is probably pointless.

OP posts:
Pookie6521 · 11/03/2022 18:51

It sounds like she knows you're not ok as she knows she's being difficult and she's trying to provoke a response. I wouldn't tell her how you feel, I'd just be more choosy who you do favours for personally. I know you say she's a friend but decent people don't take full advantage. It's like you've give an inch and she's took a mile. Try not to worry over it honestly, she probably isn't. Think of yourself

Chocomelon · 11/03/2022 18:55

It's a bit annoying if then but sounds like they could tell you were annoyed. I think if you agree to do it then do it without a face on but if they added to the favour and it annoys you then it's ok to say "we'll actually I just want to get home as I wasn't planning a trip to the shops"...

Chocomelon · 11/03/2022 18:56

I think she asked if you're alright because you're clearly annoyed maybe but you say you don't mind.

Wolfiefan · 11/03/2022 18:58

You clearly had a face on you and were pissed off. But instead of saying anything you quietly seethed. That’s not civilised at all. Calmly using your words would be.

SheWoreYellow · 11/03/2022 18:58

You could make it very factual re the 15 minutes. So, say ‘I’m worried I’m going to be late for xx now’.

Pumperthepumper · 11/03/2022 19:02

It sounds to me like you said yes to everything she asked, despite not being happy about doing it. She’s not a mind reader - next time be honest and say ‘I can’t, I’ve got to do whatever’.

BlackishTulips · 11/03/2022 19:14

She isn’t asking how you are. She isn’t asking if she has pissed you off. She is asking a closed question for which the answer is usually ‘yes i’m Fine’ she is trying to elicit you saying just that so that she can stop feeling guilty.
How would she react if you said, ‘actually all this faffing is pissing me off right now. I know I agreed to do it, and I won’t be pissed off long, but right now, all the faffing is getting on my nerves.’

Pookie6521 · 11/03/2022 19:23

Some people have really wierd views! @Wolfiefan saying OP isn't civilised. It's not civilised to take advantage of someone and how patronising are you please! OP was obviously put on the spot, her friend took the piss and then being a funny arse asking if OP is alright

Obviouspretzel · 11/03/2022 19:27

You say she's a friend but you were pissed off at doing her a simple favour. So when you were fuming she probably wondered why.

user1471554720 · 11/03/2022 19:33

OP it is not your problem if she has no car. You are not responsible for others. You should avoid doing her favours in future. In fact after her behaviour, I would phase her out. She is obviously not decent. She asked if you were all right as you clearly weren't.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 11/03/2022 19:39

You say you are happy to help, but that's not really true from your comment. You were clearly unhappy and showing frustration to her? She sense that so she asked you if you are ok?

If unhappy, just say so.

lightisnotwhite · 11/03/2022 19:42

@Wolfiefan

You clearly had a face on you and were pissed off. But instead of saying anything you quietly seethed. That’s not civilised at all. Calmly using your words would be.
You be fair I did “ use my words” to moan about the traffic and the pedestrian ( although spending an what now was an hour after work instead of 10 minutes wasn’t helping).

Which is when she asked “if I was ok”. I think other friends would just apologise profusely for putting me out if I looked stressed, rather than expecting me to be cheery as per normal.

I was so stressed by the comment that I didn’t have any words when she asked. I just repeated it back blankly. Hence me asking …what should I say.

OP posts:
lightisnotwhite · 11/03/2022 19:49

@BlackishTulips yeah maybe that’s it. It’s a good observation.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue I was unhappy but I think the extra waiting around and heavy traffic were clear causes, pretty obvious to anyone.
I don’t think I actually need to justify why I’m hacked off with them.

She does normally have a car but it’s being serviced. The appointment was important too.

OP posts:
Pookie6521 · 11/03/2022 19:52

I agree OP, she should of apologised for putting you out. Give an inch and some people take a mile!! You did it because you're a nice person but I'd tell her no in future as people like that are Selfish and obviously have no consideration for you. I wouldn't put someone on the spot like that and take the mick because It's about considering others. She should of just accepted the lift home and that's it.

Wolfiefan · 11/03/2022 19:54

You were cross with her but wouldn’t say so.

TacitusInTenebris · 11/03/2022 19:56

No but I will be in 10 minutes. (Or however long it takes to get them gone)

HotSauceCommittee · 11/03/2022 19:57

Just say, "well, I'm a bit stressed now"?

icelolly12 · 11/03/2022 19:59

"I was until you ruined my day"

MissCarolina · 11/03/2022 20:01

"Living the dream" my Dad always uses this one.

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