Will you be opening your home up to Ukrainian refugees?

[musicalfrog]

Interested to see how popular this will be considering so many of us want desperately to make a tangible difference.

My OH wouldn't be up for it I don't think, and we don't have a spare room so I will avoid that particular argument. But otherwise I think it would be such a great thing to do.

The govt is asking for a minimum commitment of 6 months. Will you be signing up?

Yes, certainly.

We have a Ukrainian friend who is trying to get family out but lives in a small flat. Weve already told her our spare room is available. We would take someone else if she can't get hers out. DP speaks some Russian and has been trying to learn a bit of Ukrainian ( he has a good ear for languages ). Years ago before I knew him he had Bosnian refugees staying with his family so has some idea what to expect.

Given huge swathes of men have been forbidden from leaving we would anticipate women and children

Sadly no. Just wouldn't be feasible for us.. small house, kids with sen and I struggle with people I know being in my house... I think those who are offering to are incredible though 💕

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

It'll be interesting to hear what the insurance companies say about this.

It would be good if a parallel support scheme could run alongside these proposals, whereby people who cannot house a refugee can financially support a person who theoretically could but who is too skint to take on the extra costs.

So I could, say, pay someone's gas bill for a month to help out, or pay any insurance uplift for 6 months, or buy a supermarket shop.

This would work for me. I would the definitely do it.

Did any of you offer space to refugees from Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen? Programmes to provide support including a home have been running for years. I've considered it as I do have room in my house but I don't think me and my difficult rescue dog could get along with sharing personal space with strangers. Also I don't think I'm able to provide the ongoing emotional support, the level of commitment would be too great.

@Comedycook

No I wouldn't. I like my privacy and don't like having people to stay in general.

I think a lot of people say they would but in reality, probably wouldn't. It's like saying you'd love to adopt a child ..it's the socially acceptable thing to say but most people don't mean it

I grudgingly admire your honesty.

No cos the doors were not opened by anyone in this country for people like me of and my colour. So no I would not for Ukrainians.

No, because my wife and i live in a one bedroom flat, maybe I can help out, perhaps doing some sort of chaperoning, volunteering.

I really wish I could but I don’t have any spare bedrooms or even a spare room that could be turned in to a bedroom.

I would love to be able to offer a safe place to a woman with a couple of children. But I can’t.

I would like to. I will ask DH about it. He will probably say no. He is autistic and chronically shy so finds it difficult to chat socially with people he knows, let alone having strangers in the house.

But I think it is the right thing to do. Imagine if the tables were turned and we were on the move with small children and all the lovely people with comfortable homes in neighbouring countries said, 'I am SO sorry for you but I can't help you. It might inconvenience me.'

@Ilostit

No cos the doors were not opened by anyone in this country for people like me of and my colour. So no I would not for Ukrainians.

What??

These threads always go the same way. People saying they cant for xxx reasons but others should.

I don't think many people will do unless the government gives financial assistance towards the households towards bills given the increases. Many families alone are going to be struggling.

No. I wouldn't want to have strangers living here at all, regardless of who they are/nationality etc mainly because of my DD, I would feel like I was endangering her safety and well being and I'm not prepared to do that as she is already having counselling for anxiety as it is - strangers in her home would cause her huge problems. And honestly, I would never leave a stranger alone in my home with access to all my stuff, my passport, my documents etc I guess I have trust issues and it's not personal, but I don't know them.

@AlternativePerspective

Thing is, will there be a vetting process? Because right now what people are seeing is that there are desperate people fleeing from Ukraine which of course is true. But we know nothing about these people. What are they like? What kind of baggage do they bring with them? Do any of them have criminal pasts? What if they discipline their children in a way which sits uncomfortably with you, smacking for instance?

Also as I said before most people are saying that they could house a woman and a child. But in most cases it will be more than one. So how many people have space for a mother and 2/3/more children?

They'll probably wonder the same things about us.

I hope Johnson lets them use Chequers. He has a perfectly good flat in Downing St and now we've all seen the spacious garden so he could easily let some live at Chequers for say a year.

No.

I do have the space, but I'm a single mother with 2 youngish kids living rurally, and with the cost of heating right now, I don't have it on when the children aren't home, but if a family came I would have to - and that's just the first cost. There wouldn't be room in the car to take them anywhere, and I wouldn't have much time anyway because I work.

It's not just space, it's everything else around it.

We don't have room anyway, but no I wouldn't. We have 3 very young children ourselves and a hectic life, also not masses of spare cash to provide for more people, it just wouldn't be possible. On thinking about it, even if we were wealthy living in a mansion the potential negative impact on our own children would make it a no. Selfish but I'm being honest.

In my town Afghan refugees have been living in a local sea front hotel. Their children are attending local schools, i hope the families are getting helping to settle and have the right to work and to housing, but I've known refugees who wait long years for the home office to process their paperwork and in the meantime they lived on Red Cross handouts.

@AnnesBrokenSlate

I think there's a lot of naivety. Housing a refugee isn't the same as sharing with a lodger and I do worry that some people volunteering haven't really considered the reality of how traumatising war is, and how much support refugees need. What happens when they do realise? Are the refugees dumped on the street again?

I agree with a PP that the government is suggesting a sticking plaster rather than providing an appropriate response with the necessary infrastructure. People might feel they are 'helping' but it's very easy to cause further trauma and upset. Most refugees need specialised support. Hosts feeling like saviours and people treating refugees like it's a house share isn't the ideal solution.

I admire the drive to 'do' something and to help but this is the usual half-arsed, not properly funded, unsustainable and uncompassionate response that typifies the current government.

On a personal level we have a flat that we're in the middle of renovating and when it's finished, I'd offer it to the scheme but I can't help thinking that by getting involved it's allowing the government to run away from their responsibilities again, and also that dumping refugees into a flat may fulfil one basic need but it isn't going to help emotionally or psychologically. And since we both work and have DC, we're not able to provide the time and support that a resettlement programme needs. I've worked with refugees. I've also worked with staff who offer psychosocial support. The brutal reality is that families are either going to be emotionally ill-equipped to deal with the refugees or they're going to inadvertently put their own MH at risk by the way they interact with them.
It's fairly typical of the current government that they can find millions for contracts for their friends but not for a robust and safe response to refugees. But then again, successive governments have failed refugees in this country.

I was thinking similarly.

I think people are picturing a mother with a single young child, possibly baby (more people seem to be saying mother and one child) who will sit and chat and do some household chores and be immeasurably grateful and become best friends for the rest of their lives.

The reality is unlikely to be that.

It's not like having a lodger, or a flat share. Possibly more like hosting an exchange student. And quite likely a not terribly happy exchange student at that.

In WWII mothers could choose to be evacuated with young (under 5) children. These were people who spoke the same language, were still in their home country, and it still was frequently very difficult with a large number of the mothers choosing to go back within a few weeks.

If you have space and want to do it, then great. But go in with your eyes open and campaign for the government to provide properly with support, not just hand traumatised people over to the hosts and expect them to deal with it.

www.sanctuaryfoundation.org.uk/#about

This is for signing up for either offering your home, or offering financial or other support. It is for groups as well as individuals. I cannot vouch for the authenticity of it - it's not an organisation I've heard of before, but it looks genuine.

@Alondra

No. It looks a great humanitarian idea on paper but reality is that you are opening your home to strangers. You don't know them. You don't know what baggage is coming with them.

Much as the idea appeals, common sense wins.

I know many people who are only alive because their parents or grandparents were taken in as part of the kindertransport. If everyone shared your attitude, all of those people would have died.

@Seriouslymole

I have been battling with this, this morning. Part of us would love to but we also have children and I am not sure it’s fair on them. The language and trauma issues would make it a very hard thing to do. Plus it is a minimum of 6 months, not a maximum. That is a long time. I am so conflicted about this.

Would it help you if I said that when I was a child (around 6/7) we had two girls stay with us, they spoke no English & we didn't speak their language. I think they stayed around 3 months. I LOVED it & I'm sad that we lost contact with them.

There are so many things to consider in housing a refugee. It's easy to become blinded by the feeling of need to do something to help, that the bigger picture isn't really considered, and people are caught up in a romanticised ideal of how it would work.
Right now many people are on the bare bones of their arse just trying to stay afloat with the huge increases in nearly every aspect of living. Will there be some sort of funding available from the government to help absorb the extra cost that housing refugees will entail? They will need food, gas, electric, water...they will be unable to work, where will the extra money come from? Will there be any form of support for the refugees, considering the trauma they have been through, in the form of psychological/emotional support? Will there be some form of support available to the families that house refugees, should things go south? How will the refugees transport themselves if they need to attend any appointments, seeing as they will have no vehicle and no money for public transport? How will those housing refugees deal with the language barrier? Not everyone can speak English, how on earth will you communicate?
You can't compare housing refugees with house shares, each sharer takes full responsibility for their share of the bills/food/transportation etc (and after watching too much "Worst Roommates" on discovery plus I don't think I could even consider a house share 😂).
Having discussed these issues with my husband last night, it's not something that we're willing to take on.

I would if I could but with four adult kids/ teens still at home and a downstairs front room being used long term as a bedroom then it wouldn't be feasible.

I have a vulnerable adult in the house..... So no.

If not for that I would. Our house is an odd layout so I'd still have my privacy.