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Original poster

Is it me or my partner in the wrong? (Internet posting)

67 replies

Sophie1029734 · 10/03/2022 16:36

Okay so heres a bit of context.
We are both 22 with a 2yr old girl.
I've always found my partner to have a lot of insecurities which he projects on to me, he expects things from me which I consider controlling. For example I'm in the wrong for wanting to go out with some friends (his girl cousins!!!) Because he doesnt trust me not to cheat. I've never given him a reason to think I would. I havnt been out with friends once during our 4 yr relationship because of his extreme views about it. I havnt met up my college friends since college.. well I basicly have no friends anymore because I've become so distant with every1.
Asking if I've cheated on him when hes come in from work. Thinking the reason I'm not wanting sex for a couple days is because I'm getting it elsewhere.
I understand he has insecurities and he has stopped accusing me of cheating after I've snapped at him for it.
Anyway, heres what the question is about, I gave context because I'm not sure weather it's me being in the wrong or him projecting?

So I enjoy fashion. I've lost weight and I'm feeling more like myself again, pre baby. I've had some new clothes (I like the edgey, weird stuff) so I've been posting these outfits on to Instagram. I'm not posting anything sexual, just selfies. I think it's fun. Makeing a little account on fashion, builsing a following, following others who do the same and looking at their creativity. I've felt very house ridden through out our relationship and I guess I feel quite fre doing it Because Its something I enjoy, I felt like I've lost myself through out the years.

hes very upset about it.. thinks I'm being disrepectful and I'm doing it to get male attention. I say over and over again, I am not. I do respect his boundaries and I wouldnt never post lingerie photos (no hate if any1 does 💜) but posting a photo simply standing is being treated like that? It's as if a selfie is porno shot to him? I posted a photo which had some cleavage, it was just the top i was wearing and it wasnt much at all. But apparently I'm being pueposfully revealing, says my boobs are the centre of attention.

I know everyone has different boundaries but I'm starting to feel depressed. Like I have a magnifying glass on me all the time. And I dont know weather he is wrong or am I? Im confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 12/03/2022 22:57

Is there a chance he isnt doing it on a purpose and can just be a bit mean sometimes because it's just his personality

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 12/03/2022 23:06

I just keep thinking that hes not doing it on purpose. My head is SCREWED 😭😭

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 12/03/2022 23:29

Of course he’s doing it on purpose! He chooses to control you and tell you not to meet friends, not to post perfectly innocent pictures etc. Totally outrageous behaviour on his behalf-he’s driven your friends away by not allowing you to go out. Classic isolation techniques, very deliberate.

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 12/03/2022 23:41

Shit happened today and he blew up a bit, I said refused to do something. There was a build up to what it ended up but he denies it all, changes the story 10 times and says I have memory loss. He didnt hit me, I hit him. He kept getting in my face laughing at me, and I pushed him away, he kept comeing back laughing even worse and so fourth. He gets me to react and then secluded my reaction. Says u did that and denies the entire situation before it.

He was on the computer, I confronted him properly. I said these are different things you've done. I said I dont know weather you do it in purpose or not but I'm not haveing it anymore.

Its built up a bit and hes saying he wants me out the house. That I can pack my bags and get out. That he will have lo so many days a week and he will take me to court and get the police involved. Thay he will ring his mum and get her to help him get ke out.

His mum already knows things I've told her and she justifies it because his has anxiety. If i even told her any of what I've posted itll be justified because he just needs help and u need more 1 and 1 time together.

I literally hate my life right now. I feel so sad and I'm starting to relise why. But I feel powerless, I have no money, no where to go and no one would believe me.. like seriously,.. no one would. Irs me who's the moody one because I'm always negative, short with my words, quiet and Its just because I'm so depressed. I dont even know anymore..
Even if i left, I'd have to suffer days away from my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 12/03/2022 23:42

The thing is I know leaving is the opposite of what he wants, but he knows I have no where to go so his threats gave no meaning... but it makes me feel insecure in life like I have no real place.

OP posts:
boyblue · 12/03/2022 23:45

Leave. It's horrendous and not going to improve

Hawkins001 · 12/03/2022 23:48

Would recording audio be a potential option to prove his actions ?

PickAChew · 12/03/2022 23:50

@Sophie1029734

Is there a chance he isnt doing it on a purpose and can just be a bit mean sometimes because it's just his personality
If it's his personality, it's a shit one. Not one to find attractive or that you would want to stick around.
PickAChew · 12/03/2022 23:52

And stuff what he wants. You are a person in your own right

Pumpkintopf · 13/03/2022 00:55

Op can you reach out to woman's aid locally to you for some real life support?

Branleuse · 13/03/2022 01:04

Darlin, thats actually really fucked up abusive behaviour. Hes trying to make you feel like youre mad. Youre not.

me4real · 13/03/2022 01:21

Please separate from him OP. It's really sad that in your late teens/ early twenties you aren't fully having the joy of seeing friends. And now things are turning even nastier. His motivation is irrelevant really - how he's acting isn't ok and is very unlikely to change. After you separate from him, you could do The Freedom Programme to help you avoid future abusive relationships. 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft is a good book to read, too.

Mischa0000 · 13/03/2022 01:38

Trust me, no matter how hard you try to reassure him, he will not change. You are not responsible for his insecurities, those are something that stem from his past/upbringing which he needs to address with professional help

felulageller · 13/03/2022 01:43

You are being subjected to domestic abuse. It will only get worse. You DC is witnessing and normalising domestic abuse.

This is what women's aid is for.

Call them from a safe phone. When he's out gather your and DC's documents and essential and run.

It's very unlikely he will follow through on wanting lots of contact with DC.

DysmalRadius · 13/03/2022 09:30

It doesn't matter whether it's deliberate or not - it's making you miserable, chipping away at your mental health and preventing you from focusing on your daughter. Would it be better if it was just his horrible personality?

VenusClapTrap · 14/03/2022 06:57

Contact Women’s Aid. They will help you leave. You will feel so much better when you have taken control of your life again and got the hell out.

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2022 07:04

Womens aid will give you support to leave him

He’s abusive and toxic

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