Feeling like my baby's harder.....

[TeethingProblems123]

Hi mumsnetters. NC for this. I'm feeling a bit down and incompetent, looking for some reassurance really. I've a beautiful, much longed for, 4 month old. No PND, mostly feeling pretty good, albeit tired. But, I've started to feel like my baby is harder work than all the others I see. I've been to a baby music group today which was lovely but honestly I've come away feeling crap. I seem to be surrounded by babies who will happily sit on their mum's lap or lie down contentedly whilst mine cries or just wants picking up. He was also sick (as in just brought up some milk) all over the floor - not a single other baby did this! We went for coffee as a group afterwards and my baby cried in the pram for ages before falling asleep. Not one other baby was crying! They either gazed around or fell asleep. I feel embarrassed, esp as one mum gave me a pitying look when he sicked up. It's bringing up age old feelings of not being good enough, like I'm doing it wrong but everyone else has it sussed. I just felt like I had a 'normal baby - he's very smiley but goes 0-100 in seconds - until I'm with other mums and their babies and I come away feeling like shit frankly. Does anyone else feel like this or has done? I think I need my head wobbling and a reminder that I'm not alone. Please god tell me I'm not alone in this as I feel like I am atm! I love him so much, I think he's wonderful, but I hate feeling so different.

A friend of mine had an angel baby, breezed through the early months and then had a right meltdown once her baby wanted to do more than just sit there and smile. She really struggled to cope.*

Yep, this was me. I had a total breakdown when at 6m he just stopped sleeping; by a year, I was almost suicidal.

My second is a non sleeping, constantly screaming monster, so I'm certainly having my comeuppance!

It's not you, lovely. Babies are the worst. You got this

DS1 was was like this. I couldn't fathom how mothers could take their babies shopping in the pram for example because he would be thrashing about, pulling himself up, grabbing at stuff, whining. Even the Dr at his 8 week check commented on his alertness! No naps after twelve months. I went back to work pt after four months for a break.
He's now 19, extremely bright, sociable, confident and doing great away from home at uni.

It's not you OP! Both of mine have needed lots and lots of physical affection and closeness (hated prams, car seats, cots etc). They wanted to be held and with me all the time. They also want me to actively play with them/entertain them, no independent play in my house!

I regularly point out babies sat happily in their buggy watching their siblings in the park and I'm still surprised by it. There is absolutely no way either of mine would even consider that!

I got an ergo 360 and wore them in that, a lot! I thought I was going mad!

They are 6 and 3 now and things are definitely easier, they still get into our bed at night but they are happy, settled in childcare/school and we get the occasional burst of time when they will play together without me or DH! Hang in there!

My children weren’t great sleepers but other than that they were easy babies. You aren’t wrong some babies are just harder for sure and you aren’t making it up. I do have a theory that a harder baby is an easier toddler (or you find it easier after getting past the hard baby stage).

Thanks everyone, your replies are so appreciated. I feel more accepting of things now. If he cries around tesco then so be it! Annoying tho when strangers comment isn't it? "Ooh someone's not happy!" Yeah no shit Sherlock....

Maybe I'll get an easy toddler 🤞

I bet most of your friends’ babies ARENT sleeping through! One of my nct friends would say “oh yes, he slept from 8pm to 7pm!” smug Then: “He only woke up three times for a feed!” WTF IS THAT?! 🤣 not what I call sleeping through!

7 AM of course 🤦🏻‍♀️

Another one here with a difficult first baby (silent reflux) and then the world's sunniest baby second time around. No skill of mine, just different.

I stopped going to baby groups with my daughter. It was too depressing seeing all these content babies when mine was the only one crying and grizzling ALL the time. She was such a difficult baby. Never content, always fretting. She exhausted me! I really started believe she had brain damage caused by her forceps delivery! Of course she didn't. She grew into a very sweet but high maintenance toddler. Since the age of about 4 she's been an absolute dream. She is so calm, kind and caring. She's now 11 and people are always telling me what a wonderful child she is. Some babies are just hard work! But they usually grow in to lovely children.

Oh, yeah. Memories coming back. Mine wanted to be on the move all the feckin time. Into everything. Walking at 8 months. Would not be left. 0-100 in half a second. Never fucking slept. I remember the mortification at baby sensory at all the other kids just lying there, kicking their legs placidly, mummies smiling indulgently, and mine off like a shot, me having to retrieve him, off like a shot, another retrieval, repeat repeat repeat. Mine did not do placid.

It got easier. Especially when all the other kids are learning to walk, and yours are beginning to calm down, and then it is the turn of other parents to be stressed out.

Yes. Some babies are definitely harder than others, by a country mile.

Why would you let a 4 month old cry themselves to sleep in the pram when you are there?! Maybe thats why they aren't happy like the other babies.

God, I feel your pain. My eldest spent his first year screaming his head off. It was the worst year of my life.

I was in a couple of informal mums groups who pretty much all had girls, where I know they felt sorry for me; often giving me well-meaning tips....I used to spend hours driving aimlessly around just so he would sleep and I could hear myself think.

Anyway, 2 years later my second DS was born. He wasn't a dream but god, the difference! My mum friend also had their second around then and mostly had boys.... and suddenly I was the guru of advice 😂 Suddenly they realised it hadn't been their superior parenting first time around.... 😂😂

Oh, and they're 20 and 22 now, delightful young men.

That look of pity was more likely a look of understanding- don't know any parent who hasn't had all the experiences you have! A calm baby today may be a nightmare tomorrow.

I think every parent feels like its just their kid (me multiple times a day) but today I looked around and a small girl was refusing to budge from the floor, a boy was screaming so loudly I could still hear him when i went to the underground carpark lol. I’ve carried DD screaming and kicking out of many a place. Most parents realise that today its you schelping out of a place feeling defeated and tomorrow it will be them. I’ve never judged a parent after having my DD (hands up I just didn’t get it till I had one).

Your baby probably is harder. Nothing to do with what you're doing, just luck of the drawer.

I had a hard one and then an easy one. The experience of parenting them was like night and day.

Different stages suit children differently. I have the distinct impression that my hard baby, hated being a baby because he was bored off his tits! He's now a very cheerful 5 year old and great company because he's into everything... space, magnets, Ancient Egyptians, electricity, weather... we were curled up together on the sofa binge watching 'The Deep'* last night, and it was bliss

• The Deep, kids program, but so so good

Luck of the draw, not drawer!

Why would you let a 4 month old cry themselves to sleep in the pram when you are there?! Maybe thats why they aren't happy like the other babies

@JustWonderingIfYou what a horrible and unnecessary comment!! The OP doesn't say they do that and sometimes when a baby is fed, clean, not unwell and safe they still cry.

What is your solution if a baby is clean, dry, fed, safe and still crying?

My older son was a nightmare, would scream in the carseat, so we'd minimise car trips but some were 100% essential. Like to the doctors or the supermarket, do you suggest we should not have put him in the car ever then? Oh but wait, he'd cry in the pram too, except on foot the journey took 50 times longer, so more crying.

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

Op says it- "my baby cried in the pram for ages before falling asleep."

It wasn't essential she leave him crying. She was having a coffee.

My son had awful reflux and could basically never lie flat so I had to carry him everywhere and hold him constantly including in supermarkets and at the doctors. It's hard but thats what you do as a caring parent not leave them in the pram screaming so you can drink your latte.

I wouldn’t have phrased it as bluntly but I did think the same as @JustWonderingIfYou, tbh.

I don’t think my baby is notably difficult but we’ve definitely had moments where we’ve been out and about and had tears, but I do think leaving them to cry in the pram is not something I’d personally do.

Having said that I have seen others do it to get them to sleep.

I had a baby like that too OP. It almost destroyed me!

He was just a miserable baby. Walked at 9 months - I sense a theme?

Re the crying in the pram thing - DS used to do this. He would be fed, clean and extremely tired. He could never go to sleep without crying. For the first few months I would hold him whilst he cried but I soon realised this just prolonged the crying. If I let him cry a bit (I would touch him and sing to him) he would go to sleep.
Even now he makes noise (sings/ shouts) until he falls asleep and is almost 7!

Yabu . Most babies are shit tbh. Mine were. Haha. But you have good days and bad. Just because everyone's baby was on good behaviour doesnt mean they are perfect. You got a petty look for that exact reason: they've all been were you were.

We have ALL been there. Babies are hard work. Hang in there x

Ohhhh I had one of each. My first born was a textbook baby. Imagine a script of how to look after a baby- she must've read it prebirth. Of course, I thought it was all down to my capable skills and sailed smugly through her first year.
Baby 2 - holy fuck . I hid my mother's shoes when she came up to help so I wouldn't be left with her. I sobbed on the kitchen at 4am night after night listening to her screaming in my arms(microwave white noise) Pram was unused. Couldn't take a walk with her. Couldn't even have entertained a class!!! She had colic for 6 months . God knows if it was colic that long but no one would help me.
I thought surely she'd be damaged for life by her pain, her screaming, her unhappiness- nope! She was a chilled out and funny child.
You'll get through this- try not to compare, as this'll leave you worried all through your child's life.
When you look around the room- imagine the empty spaces where Mums couldn't even make the class . You're doing fine x

@NannyGythaOgg

My first baby was a little angel and I thought it was down to me being a children's nurse and very used to babies and being chilled with him.

Then I had my second - and wondered what had hit me and where I had gone wrong. Needed constant attention and was a total nightmare - until she started walking at 8 months.

She then calmed down and learned to sleep.

Some never calm down.

No such thing as a perfect parent - just a good enough one. And every child is perfect - perfectly individual.

This was my experience too, other than I am not a children’s nurse. Other than that I could have written your post.