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Original poster

Did I do the right thing?

34 replies

anne2650 · 08/03/2022 17:17

Without going into too much detail, I contacted DD's school about her friend who is having a hard time at home and was expressing suicidal thoughts to DD. Parents know I said something as school contacted them right away and told them. Friend is going to receive counseling. DD was mad at me for telling school. We had become quite friendly with the parents but I think that may now be ruined. Should I have waited? Did I jump the gun?

OP posts:
newbiename · 08/03/2022 17:25

You did the right thing. Did the school tell the family it was you though ?

emuloc · 08/03/2022 17:25

The school should not have named you, I would have thought.

Juniper68 · 08/03/2022 17:26

I'm shocked at the school saying who mentioned it.

Original poster
anne2650 · 08/03/2022 17:41

Thank you for replying and reassuring me. Yes, they told the child, parents and DD that it was me. I'm really unhappy about it as I was told that this would not happen!

OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 08/03/2022 17:43

I would have spoken to the parents.

But…she is now getting counselling. Talk to your Dd about safeguarding and duty of care and when things G’s can and can’t be confidential.

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/03/2022 17:46

It’s awful that they said it was you! You did the right thing.

Squiff70 · 08/03/2022 17:46

Without a shadow of a doubt you did the right thing. If there's ANY chance a child's life is in danger (or anyone else's, for that matter) you should always speak up, and you did.

The school absolutely should not have named you, especially since they told you they wouldn't. Shocking!

I just hope this girl/young person gets the support she needs and that your daughter is okay, too.

Original poster
anne2650 · 08/03/2022 17:46

I thought about speaking to them but wasn't sure if that would make it worse for the child..

OP posts:
Original poster
anne2650 · 08/03/2022 17:47

The parents I mean..

OP posts:
Creameggs223 · 08/03/2022 18:00

Well the child is now getting the help she needs that's great, but I would be annoyed if another parent took it upon themselves to tell the school without even telling me first. Would you be OK with it if it was the other way round?

AHungryCaterpillar · 08/03/2022 18:15

Are you sure they said it was you? Sounds more likely they guessed it was you if the child only told your dd then they would have easily guessed. I wouldn’t be happy with you either if I was them.

Original poster
anne2650 · 08/03/2022 18:31

Fuck. Yes, I see your point.

OP posts:
Palavah · 08/03/2022 18:36

@Creameggs223

Well the child is now getting the help she needs that's great, but I would be annoyed if another parent took it upon themselves to tell the school without even telling me first. Would you be OK with it if it was the other way round?
You might be, but the right thing to do is to tell the school first. How could someone know that the parents weren't a factor in the suicidal thoughts?
Original poster
anne2650 · 09/03/2022 13:47

She couldn't talk to her parents. I've since found out that she'd been self harming.
Do you think I should try and make peace with the parents and explain why I did it?

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 09/03/2022 13:55

If my child had admitted suicidal thoughts to a friend and their parent then told school and started the ball rolling to support my child I would feel heartfelt gratitude to you.

The alternative is potentially losing your child to suicide.

Fernandina · 09/03/2022 13:55

@anne2650

Thank you for replying and reassuring me. Yes, they told the child, parents and DD that it was me. I'm really unhappy about it as I was told that this would not happen!
They did what??!!

That is an appalling breach of confidence. You need to speak to the Head about this asap.

blinder · 09/03/2022 13:59

The parents may prefer that you had gone straight to them, but I agree with other PPs. The right thing is to tell the school and get support around the child asap. Parents are sometimes part of the problem, sad as that is.

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 14:04

I might have been a bit miffed at you but I'd be incredibly grateful my child was getting help.

Sprucewillis · 09/03/2022 14:08

You did the right thing. The parents are wanting to cover this up. The girls obviously needs help and she's not getting it from them. The school would not have told the parents it was you under any circumstances Thanks

RealBecca · 09/03/2022 14:10

Do you think I should try and make peace with the parents and explain why I did it?

^no. If someone had concerns about my child I'd be pleased they had acted. It only takes one case to be missed and it could be any child. The worst that's happened for them is free counselling for their child.

If they're pissed off at you then they arent going to want to hear your reasons.

Original poster
anne2650 · 09/03/2022 14:22

@RealBecca

Do you think I should try and make peace with the parents and explain why I did it?

^no. If someone had concerns about my child I'd be pleased they had acted. It only takes one case to be missed and it could be any child. The worst that's happened for them is free counselling for their child.

If they're pissed off at you then they arent going to want to hear your reasons.

Thank you. This is what I thought but someone was trying to convince me to contact them.
OP posts:
ElvisWife · 09/03/2022 14:24

Op, as a mother who's son died by suicide you absolutely did the right thing!

Thank you for getting help for this young girl! No parents should go through what we are!

Seriouslymole · 09/03/2022 14:38

@ElvisWife

Op, as a mother who's son died by suicide you absolutely did the right thing!

Thank you for getting help for this young girl! No parents should go through what we are!

I'm so sorry. That is horrible.
Cas112 · 09/03/2022 14:42

I'm surprised school named. Wrong on there behalf

blinder · 09/03/2022 14:44

I’m so sorry for your terrible loss @ElvisWife