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Original poster

I'm finding family life a grind, how can I change things?

31 replies

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 20:39

It's Sunday night again and I feel exhausted and harassed! I only work part time (60% over 4 days) but I feel like everything is a rush of nagging and boring tasks and chasing the kids to bed. Is this normal?

Week nights are busy with one out of school club each on the same night (but at different times), grandparents picking them up one day, after school club each on the two other days. We have to record the reading they have done in their book (they love reading and this is a pointless activity) but otherwise don't have homework. I have to nag eldest several times to write in this. Youngest I can do it so less of a problem.

On a Saturday DH insists on making pancakes which takes ages and creates a massive mess. Children naturally howl if this privilege is taken away. The rest of Saturday is usually going places, meeting friends, sometimes a kids party.

Sunday we have swimming lessons which fills the time 930-12 and then we are all exhausted because we all swim. Sunday afternoon is spellings, maths, putting out uniform for the week, exam preparation (30 mins maths or English) for the eldest who has exams next year. Then occasionally we have time for some family film watching or something relaxing but that's rare.

Does everyone else feel like this? Kids are higher and middle primary. The younger can be very energetic and tiring, although he's lovely. Older one is quieter but likes to be engaged in highbrow conversation with an adult at all times, which causes little one to kick off with boredom/jealousy.

OP posts:

BoodleBug51 · 06/03/2022 20:45

I let mine do after school clubs etc, then realised all I got was a hole in my purse and tired, fractious children as a result. So we stopped doing anything after school, and made Saturday mornings the time for running round like a headless chicken. They often just had friends back after school or went to play, but they were always home for 5 and had wind down time.

Weekends were time for seeing family, going for long walks and maybe a meal out/cinema/swimming. But nothing that made any of us stressed.

I'm exhausted just listening to your week, OP.

Shoxfordian · 06/03/2022 20:48

It seems like if dh makes pancakes then he can clean up the mess. Do you all have to go swimming? Maybe you can alternate to get a few hours to yourself

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 20:48

They don't do a lot though. One night is the out of school club. Younger goes 5-6, elder 615-8.

Another day the younger is at a club until 415 at school.

Third day elder is at school club until 415 but walks home on his own.

Then swimming on Sunday.

OP posts:

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Smarshian · 06/03/2022 20:48

I have just been reflecting on the same. I am working 4 days. This weekend it has been the usual clubs Saturday morning (football and swimming), DH out at golf. Lunch all together, then I went for a run, then a soft play date with friends. Sunday morning kids birthday party, lunch all together, I went for a run, DH took the kids to the park, then at home, I cooked, he sorted homework/ a quick bit of DIY, then we are all shattered by kids bedtime.
Mine are a bit smaller than yours, at 3 and 5, but it’s exhausting!

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 20:49

DH does clear up the mess but I find the activity a pain in the arse, just watching it

OP posts:

bobsholi · 06/03/2022 20:55

I don't have any advice but I feel the same. I can't believe it's Sunday night, I'm back to work tomorrow morning and yet I feel sick and exhausted. There is just no break ever! Mine are under 8 but I'm hoping to get them more independent with things like getting ready for school/bed. I've also dropped my housekeeping standards a lot!

WimpoleHat · 06/03/2022 20:55

I think you’ve got through the hard bit and life is about to get easier. My kids are a bit older - lower secondary and higher primary - and it’s now lovely as we can go out and do “nice” things (an exhibition, a film, a nice restaurant) without stress. They’re also more independent, so it’s easier to do one on one according to their interests. Hang in there, OP - in another year or two, life will be a lot easier.

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 21:02

@WimpoleHat thanks, I needed to hear that! How can I get my scatty older child to be more independent. Should I stop making him write in his reading book? If the teachers nag him about it then it's his problem right? Or is that mean? He's nearly 10.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 06/03/2022 21:09

I'm a sahm and my dc are 11/13 so it shouldn't be too hard but the endless chores are so bloody tedious. I feel like I'm in a constant loop of make a meal, clear up, make a meal, clear up.

bumpytrumpy · 06/03/2022 21:18

I feel your pain.
I struggle with evenings as I find they're either watching tv/screens while I'm finishing off some work, or we're rushing about to clubs etc. and neither feel fun on the day.

bumpytrumpy · 06/03/2022 21:19

[quote KindergartenKop]@WimpoleHat thanks, I needed to hear that! How can I get my scatty older child to be more independent. Should I stop making him write in his reading book? If the teachers nag him about it then it's his problem right? Or is that mean? He's nearly 10.[/quote]
I would definitely leave the reading record for him to sort out. Call it prep for high school.

chalkyc2 · 06/03/2022 21:24

I totally agree. Mine are older (yr 6 and 8) and this weekend feels as if it's been insane. Sleepover for one and sports training for the other on Friday night, school sports for both Saturday morning and then out of school sport for younger sat pm. Homework for eldest. Theatre on Saturday eve which is not typical but once every so often. Then matches for both in their chosen sport today (involves travel) in different locations. Then homework, laundry, house tidying etc later this afternoon. Oh and it's my birthday today but there's no time for that.

I'm looking forward to a wfh day tomorrow for some peace. I work 4 days a week. I can't even think about the evenings next week but I know there's a music performance and a meeting about a school trip and a drama thing on top of usual after school stuff and sports.

All too much!

pumpkinpie01 · 06/03/2022 21:35

@KindergartenKop do you really not have time to do anything fun on a Sunday if swimming finishes at 12.30 surely that's another 7 - 8 hours before bedtimes ? I would make sure your DH is doing all the tidying up in relation to the pancake sessions. We do something every day after work/school and I don't sit down til 9.15 ish every night ( some nights I go on a late night dog walk til 10.30) I dash around from one thing to another a lot but that suits me . Is dh pulling his weight , are the dc doing what they can for themselves too ?

madeittofriday · 06/03/2022 21:39

I don't work Mondays so I can sort everyone else out on Sunday then get the house and my sanity back under control on Monday.
Best decision I ever made.

Do homework on Friday afternoon/evening unless you're busy. All sorted and the weekend is free.

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 21:49

I think we tend to flop with exhaustion on a Friday, it does seem like a good opportunity to get stuff done though.

Stuff does take too long on a Sunday. I'm not sure why! Went to in-laws this afternoon and didn't get home until 4 then it seemed a big naggy rush to get everything done and inlaws were sad that we couldn't just sit with them all afternoon. So I feel busy and guilty!

I get up at 6 four days a week. This is too early for my body clock and then in exhausted by 7pm. Work isn't flexible on time though.

OP posts:

downbythewoods · 06/03/2022 22:00

I feel the same. Weekends are a choice between constant cleaning up after what seems like one endless buffet or the house being a massive shit hole if we take our feet off the gas for a moment. That's in between driving all over the place for activities and family visits. I gulped down a coffee while listening to my fave podcast while driving to my mums today, and that was the closest I got to me time.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 06/03/2022 22:00

@KindergartenKop

We had the pancakes on Saturday tradition too. It is the number one thing our now grown kids love about their childhood.

But I'd advise you not to watch the process! DH starting to make the pancakes was my cue to get out of the way and have some time to myself

bumpytrumpy · 06/03/2022 22:03

Guilt visits are a real thing.

I spent 12-4pm at parents today (+1 hour drive each way). Still get the disappointed sigh when I say we need to leave. Have a dog to walk before we leave & as soon as we get back so this trip actually costs me 10.30am - 5.30pm but they don't see that or understand what a huge chunk of precious weekend it is.

HollowTalk · 06/03/2022 22:13

Don't spend all of Sunday afternoon doing that crap.

Do the uniforms on Friday night as soon as the kids are in the house. Hang them up and they'll be fine for Monday.

Get them to do some of their homework while their dad is making pancakes. Get them to do the rest when he's clearing up. That way the rest of the weekend is free.

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 06/03/2022 22:27

Ah but the uniforms aren't clean until Sunday

That can't really be moved!

OP posts:

bumpytrumpy · 06/03/2022 22:31

@KindergartenKop

Ah but the uniforms aren't clean until Sunday

That can't really be moved!

I think pp meant wash them on Friday night, hang up and they'll be dry by Monday

scootalooser · 06/03/2022 22:33

that sounds so tough OP. Would you consider a term off the extra curricular stuff? It really sounds as though you need some more give in your week. If not possible could you maybe hire a babysitter to take them to clubs?

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 06/03/2022 22:40

You all need to do the shit stuff on a Friday.
Homework, cleaning, uniform.
Saturday and Sunday are free for other stuff.

Gregsprinkles · 06/03/2022 22:45

Sounds pretty normal to me OP if you both work! Maybe you could have a few weekends where you ditch the revision (did you say he wasn't 10 yet?), and family visits so it's not such a grind every week? Also for me, I never organise any clubs on the weekend, haven't done for years, makes a huge difference. I'd rather a few busier week day evenings than commit to something every Sunday morning.

HollowTalk · 06/03/2022 22:52

Stacey Solomon did a kind of Marie Kondo programme on TV where she used a label maker and drawer dividers to sort out the children's clothes. This meant the children could then read the label and get what they needed out for the next day. If you put a list on the back of the door, could they get themselves sorted regarding the clothes?

The best thing to do really for that sort of thing is to use an egg timer and say right you have three minutes to get your school things ready and then we can do… If you give them an hour they will take an hour.

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