I'm finding family life a grind, how can I change things?

[KindergartenKop]

It's Sunday night again and I feel exhausted and harassed! I only work part time (60% over 4 days) but I feel like everything is a rush of nagging and boring tasks and chasing the kids to bed. Is this normal?

Week nights are busy with one out of school club each on the same night (but at different times), grandparents picking them up one day, after school club each on the two other days. We have to record the reading they have done in their book (they love reading and this is a pointless activity) but otherwise don't have homework. I have to nag eldest several times to write in this. Youngest I can do it so less of a problem.

On a Saturday DH insists on making pancakes which takes ages and creates a massive mess. Children naturally howl if this privilege is taken away. The rest of Saturday is usually going places, meeting friends, sometimes a kids party.

Sunday we have swimming lessons which fills the time 930-12 and then we are all exhausted because we all swim. Sunday afternoon is spellings, maths, putting out uniform for the week, exam preparation (30 mins maths or English) for the eldest who has exams next year. Then occasionally we have time for some family film watching or something relaxing but that's rare.

Does everyone else feel like this? Kids are higher and middle primary. The younger can be very energetic and tiring, although he's lovely. Older one is quieter but likes to be engaged in highbrow conversation with an adult at all times, which causes little one to kick off with boredom/jealousy.

@KindergartenKop

DH does clear up the mess but I find the activity a pain in the arse, just watching it

Make Saturday your day for a lie-in. Don't get up until the pancake ritual is over AND the mess is gone.

It sounds like a normal and manageable week to me. I'd be tired because work and kids are tiring but I can't see you are doing too much.

You weekends sound relaxing to me. Even if you are the one to clear up after the pancakes I can't see how that is much work. If you timed how long it takes I bet it's a lot shorter than you think.

What about you not going swimming?

I’d move the Sunday afternoon stuff to another day. Weekday after school or Saturday morning. Then you can all relax on Sunday afternoons instead.
Uniforms washed on Friday is really good. It makes it feel like I have much more free time over the weekend.

Hate to say it, but sounds pretty normal… I don’t understand why you all have to go swimming though? Also, pancakes sound great, if your DH cleans up then what’s the big deal?

My top tips from years as a full time working single parent and now a happily married co-parent with DC and SC…

• lower your standards! Food doesn’t always have to be fancy and the house doesn’t always have to be clean
• carve out time for yourself, whether it’s an early night with a book or meeting a friend for a drink
• have time together as a couple- if you can’t get a babysitter then make time in the evening for a bottle of wine and a TV programme you both like
• if you can afford it, get a cleaner!
• let the DC have school dinner at least a couple of times a week- I hate the tyranny of making all the packed lunches every night
• ditch after school clubs/activities that are a pain to get to/the kids aren’t really that into
• have a lie in whenever you can- teach the DC to get their own breakfast and turn on the TV
• sometimes everyone needs a lazy weekend where you stay at home and do nothing!

Can you ditch the homework on sunday afternoons and just look at spellings/reading in the week? Can uniforms not wait to be washed at the weekend? Do a wash mid week and another at the weekend rather than a big 'uniform wash' at the weekend? Buy extra bits if you need.
And definitely don't both go swimming - take turns to have some time out!

I would definitely leave the reading record for him to sort out. Call it prep for high school.

I do agree with this. Maybe a reminder “have you done your reading record, DC1?”. But then let him do it. If he doesn’t, he’ll have to explain to the teacher why he hasn’t - perfectly natural consequence.

I think in your shoes, I’d have a try at throwing everything up in the air and doing things the other way round. Think “what would be fun to do this weekend?” - and make a plan to do it. And then sort everything else around that. So - if it’s a trip to the cinema and for pizza, then it’s wash on while you’re there and taken out when you’re home. Homework done before you go, but maybe no time for pancakes as you’re going for pizza. And so on and so forth. I reckon having something fun as the focus of the weekend (if it’s time for yourself once in a while, great too!) may make things seem a bit less of a grind? (Caveat - If this really isn’t feasible, then fair enough!)