Anyone else have an existential crisis after losing a parent?

[hippoherostandinghere]

Maybe the thread title is a little dramatic but I can't think of another way to put it.

My dear mum died just over a month ago. She was 66 and, although she wasn't in good health, her death has been a huge shock to us all.

Initially I coped really well, I think I was in shock because I felt numb most of the time.
Now though, I feel lost. Like I've lost a big part of me and I'm not the same person anymore. I don't really know how to describe it but I'm struggling with the fact that I have no sisters, I do have two brothers. But I've lost that main female relationship that just cannot be replaced. I struggle that I've no one any more to talk to about the little things, things only mum really cared about. And to ask for advice. I recently had the most horrendous period and I was inconsolable about the fact I had not one person I could talk to about it.

I don't know, I guess this is all part of the process but I feel I don't know who I am anymore. Anyone else been through similar?

It's that you no longer have that ultimate person - the buck really does stop with you now.
My mother died some years ago at 89, and those last three years were definitely difficult health-wise for her, so when she did go I did feel it was her time. And even though due to her health and memory issues she had not been the matriarch of the family for a while, it did suddenly feel that we (my siblings) were the grown ups now, even though all in our 50s. We no longer had someone who remembered us from our very first breaths.
When her last remaining sister died last year at 90, it was similar all over - the last living person who knew my mother from when she was a little girl, who had that shared history.
However, my husband died at 51, and that really put things in perspective about my parents' deaths. Our children were 4 and 6, and not having their father growing up has negatively changed things for them forever. Your mother was young too, and that is a terribly shame.

I lost my mum suddenly 2 years ago when she was 67. It's changed me forever.
I have to look after my dad and it breaks my heart to think of how lonely he is without her.
I don't know what I'll do when he's gone, it's so hard.
I'm not the same anymore, just can't be the same without her here xx
Big hugs, it gets easier, it's still shit but you live with it xx

Dear OP, I found this thread bc I too have had my whole life altered from the loss of my mother (in January 2022) I have had a complete existential crisis and am reevaluating everything. I literally feel that a part of me died that day. I have an emptiness that I cannot get past. I have felt “stuck” for lack of a better word. I’m actually at the point now where I’m about to make some major changes which will put me on an entirely different path. It has helped me to change my focus and set goals for what I think is more important now. I feel much like a person who has been through a near death experience without having actually died. I’m leaving my spouse my home and moving out of state and changing careers. I made fear based decisions in the past or what I thought I was “supposed” to do but I feel that my mother has given me the courage to set a new course for myself to experience life in the way I was meant to. I’m getting back to my spiritual side that my mom and I shared and that I drifted from for the last 10 years. As saddened as I am by her loss, I am also grateful for the clarity it has given me. I know that the emptiness her loss has given me is a part of me now moving forward I have accepted that and am trying to be my best self. Life is so short and precious.

Hi lovely

I know this is an old post?

How are you doing? I lost my Mum last year (my last living parent) and I’m feeling the same ❤️

I am not close to my mother so don’t know how I’ll feel when she dies. Riddled with guilt and regret probably. My father died 15 years ago and I really relate to the PP who said a part of them died. I don’t think I’m the same person at all . Life seems far more bleak and lacking in something. I wasn’t close to him either but I identified with him far more than my mother. I feel like I’ve lost a limb.