I love her tremendously, but I hate having a baby. I'm terrified of spending time alone with her (which happens tomorrow), I'm terrified she'll have a bad night and I won't get sleep.
She's my second DC and was unplanned, DS is 8.
I'm already under the perinatal mental health team and I still feel this way. I'm on two psych meds and I still feel this way (citalopram and olanzapine)
I feel quite dispassionate writing this. I love her but I wish I could hand her over to someone and just walk away.
Sometimes I have dark days and want to dissipate into the sky or burrow into the ground forever.
I don't want to look after her. I hate having a baby. I wish I could go back to just having DS.
I want to stop feeling like this but it's all so bloody relentless groundhog day. I didn't really like DS til he was at least 5, he's much better now he's 8. Will I just be miserable for 8 years?