Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Please help anger

33 replies

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 18:43

My child is 8
I truly believe that she can't help her anger now (ie she's not misbehaving)
She gets angry at anything and everything now
And can't control it
I know all the usual suggestions ie calm place, breathing, counting, etc but she doesn't seem to be able to put these in action
Today she has said why am I the only one who's angry
And I'm starting to get concerned she'll not like herself because of the anger
Her dad has ADHD (diagnosed as an adult although he has had lots of mental health problems throughout his life)
I am not with him
I am starting to get more concerned she may have inherited it
What do I do to help her??
Should I speak to school??
Or surestart?? I know they can help with things even when they're older but I've never had to use them

Could she have ADHD/add? I know these things run in genetics
She's very good behaviour wise at school. Can someone who is good at school still have this?

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 18:59

I don't think it can be normal to be this angry all the time and not be able to control it

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 21:04

Anyone?

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:14

Bump

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families SEN

Squiff70 · 03/03/2022 22:33

OP, I'm not an expert on anger issues in children or ADHD/ADD.

I just wanted to ask how recent this behaviour is. Might it be that hearing about recent news events has unsettled her a lot and she's struggling to contain or make sense of her emotions? I know lots of children are struggling right now - they've been through SO much with covid, lockdowns, restrictions and home schooling and now really really scary things are on the news and being talked about everywhere.

I'd start by talking to your daughter's GP. A referral to Homestart definitely wouldn't be a bad thing either.

I hope things get better for you and your daughter soon.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:37

Thank you your response

I honestly don't think it's to do with that.

I have had anger problems with her before and she's never been an easy going child, always one to push the boundaries but then the anger kind of gets better and to a more normal level if you get me. But recently it's got a lot worse. To the point where there's many outbursts a day over anything and everything.

Maybe if her dad didn't have ADHD I wouldn't be thinking about it so much....
(She was also premature which is apparently another risk)

OP posts:

MondeoFan · 03/03/2022 22:38

I work with children and I can say that normally anger issues arise when a child has trouble communicating. How is she at vocalising her needs?
How often does she see her dad? Was the split recent?

CadvanTheBard · 03/03/2022 22:38

She can help it but you have to teach her how to regulate her emotions. If that's not been modelled and taught to her she won't be. Teach her how to regulate, do it with her. Make it a bit fun.

Things that help regulate are - hip hop music, the beat does it - washing her hands in cold water - jumping up and down - breathing in slow 5x. Use feeling flash cards so she can start to identify emotions that come up in her, do feeling charades, talk about feelings and make a body size shape of her on paper and do an anger chart so she can show you if she starts to get angry before it sets in.

Loads of resources out there. When she's angry she's in survival mode. You won't be able to reason with that part of the brain. She needs to regulate first.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:41

@MondeoFan

I work with children and I can say that normally anger issues arise when a child has trouble communicating. How is she at vocalising her needs? How often does she see her dad? Was the split recent?

No it wasn't recent

Well normally she gets angry at everything that's the problem

She can talk at other times don't get me wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:43

@CadvanTheBard

She can help it but you have to teach her how to regulate her emotions. If that's not been modelled and taught to her she won't be. Teach her how to regulate, do it with her. Make it a bit fun.

Loads of resources out there. When she's angry she's in survival mode. You won't be able to reason with that part of the brain. She needs to regulate first.

I've understood that you can't reason when she's that angry. That's why I stay calm and don't really react.

Ok I guess some of what you've mentioned are new to me. I'll have to see if I can find out more

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:46

Should I still speak to school?

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 22:54

Is it usual to scream at so much then?
And I should just have a look into the suggestions above?

OP posts:

bloodywhitecat · 03/03/2022 23:01

"Can someone who is good at school still have this?"

Yes, absolutely they can. It is called 'masking' and much more common than you would think. I would speak to school and to your GP to ask for a referral to CAMH in the first instance.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 03/03/2022 23:26

Thank you

Perhaps I'm I'll equipped to deal with it

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 04/03/2022 00:10

I wish I had someone to tell me I'm doing it right. Or wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 04/03/2022 08:18

I don't know what to do for the best

OP posts:

MrsPear · 04/03/2022 08:57

It’s simple op - ask the school for an urgent meeting with class teacher abd sen - to discuss behaviour issues. Then follow what they said and don’t be defensive or try and hand out blame. Doesn’t help.

Mabelface · 04/03/2022 09:04

As her father has adhd, then yes, I would speak to the school senco abs take it from there.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 04/03/2022 09:11

Ok then I do that I guess

How likely is it she has ADHD/ADD? Do you think?

OP posts:

CadvanTheBard · 04/03/2022 09:12

She's only 8, they only start considering diagnosis at 8 and even then it's early.

I really doubt you'll get any referral from the school tbh and not sure why you're so keen to get her diagnosed without trying different options to help her manage her feelings.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 04/03/2022 09:16

I'm not sure why you think I'm keen to get her diagnosed? I've never said that

However I can't help thinking about it because of her dad and her behaviour and controlling her behaviour. I think that's natural considering we know it runs in genetics

I'm not necessarily looking for an actual referral at this time but I can't help thinking I would be remiss not to consider the possibility of her having it

OP posts:

ClaudiusTheGod · 04/03/2022 09:17

There’s a book often recommended called The Explosive Child. Get hold of a copy of that.

MoMuntervary · 04/03/2022 09:20

None of us can answer that OP as we're just folks on the internet. Your DD is having difficulty regulating herself. It could be related to lots of things; her genetics, her prematurity, or things that have happened in her life that she hasn't processed (e.g. her dad leaving) or that are still happening (e.g. friendship issues). Your best bet is to start to unpick it with a professional, starting with the SENCo and/or your GP.

Lubeyboobyalt · 04/03/2022 09:21

emotional dysregulation can be related to adhd and be any emotion including anger - mine is anger

I can't say whether it is adhd or not but all neurodiversity should be investigated by professionals for her

MissMaple82 · 04/03/2022 09:22

OO contact your local Surestart or Homestart and explain you want a referral for a support worker. I have gone through a similar experience. I was assigned a family support worker who was a massive help amd visited us weekly.

MissMaple82 · 04/03/2022 09:22

That should say OP

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread