Simple maths question...

[Onlyrainbows]

If my DHs income is 35% of mine, does that mean he'd always pay 35% of all outgoings? (Rather than 50%)

Ultimately, it's all joint money. But he's had a history of spending up to £300 pcm on his "habit" which led to the £1000. It's not a lot, but it's only this year he's been contributing more fairly. Two years ago, for example I was on ML and he only gave £400 one month (with no real reason as to why, likely to be spent on his habit). He's getting better at contributing (and his salary is finally being paid in our joint account) but I don't want to completely asphyxiate him.

From a maths point of view you both spend an equal percentage of your income on bills.

So you pull your money together and see what percentage of the combined income goes on bills. Then you take that percentage and apply it to your individual incomes.
Sooo. İf your bills are £2k and your combined income is 50k then the percentage is four percent. He would pay 4 percent of his income on bills and so would you.

One thing I would potentially take into account is how much you work.

If you both work full time but you happen to earn more (through intelligence or profession) that is one thing. But if you work full time and he chooses to work say 3 days a week because he plays golf on the other days (not due to e.g. illness) then I might think differently.

@TeenPlusCat

One thing I would potentially take into account is how much you work.

If you both work full time but you happen to earn more (through intelligence or profession) that is one thing. But if you work full time and he chooses to work say 3 days a week because he plays golf on the other days (not due to e.g. illness) then I might think differently.

This is true...but what about if she works a much more stressful job, with more responsibility, and greater expectation of doing unpaid overtime, whilst he chooses to cruise along in a low-responsibility job where he only works his hours and no stress? I mean through choice, because he likes an easy life - not because she is more capable.

Just put both your income into the pot net. Then pay all essential bills. Then budget for extras ie Xmas Holidays ect. Then see what is left and split it 50/50.

If he blows his 50% tough that's on him to manage. But if you've covered essential and family non essential. Even if he spends it all on a habit it's his money to spend so who cares.

Easiest way of this is:

Add up what the outgoings are every month, let's say £1500

You work out if 50% of your take home and his take home will cover this. If so, put 50% of your take home into a central account that the bills come out of. If 40% each covers it, both put 40% in and so on. Adjust each month as needed.

Any debts and personal expenses get paid out of each of your remaining money.

If joint debts come in, bump up the % of each take home pay to cover it.

@Onlyrainbows

Ultimately, it's all joint money. But he's had a history of spending up to £300 pcm on his "habit" which led to the £1000. It's not a lot, but it's only this year he's been contributing more fairly. Two years ago, for example I was on ML and he only gave £400 one month (with no real reason as to why, likely to be spent on his habit). He's getting better at contributing (and his salary is finally being paid in our joint account) but I don't want to completely asphyxiate him.

your problem isn't maths then, your problem is your are incompatible as there are no common financial values, goals or trust so you have to impose controls which will only lead to resentment on both sides eventually. Work out if the root cause can be solved, not the maths.

The maths are only one part of the equation. He's getting help too but that's more like step 2/3. I actually didn't have an issue with him blowing money on his habit as long as I had transparency, which after 5 years of constant deception, only had full access 2 nights ago.

@MojoJojo71

Personally I think if you are married then your money should all go in one pot. Put it all together, take out money for bills, food, travel etc then decide together on an amount that should go into savings and an equal amount each for personal spends.

Absolutely this. We have always done this, ever since we moved in together. We are an equal partnership and anything else would be completely unfair.

What is his habit? Drugs?

This won’t work no matter what the math. Obviously he’s been lying to you, 5 years of deception.
Don’t waste your time.

Can you say we both have 70 quid for ourselves to do what we want. The rest goes in a pot - once necessities are covered then the rest in a communal holiday/ kid's pot

@Polyanthus2

Can you say we both have 70 quid for ourselves to do what we want. The rest goes in a pot - once necessities are covered then the rest in a communal holiday/ kid's pot

Yes, that's what we agreed to this year. He was happy with £80, so maybe that's a good way to look at it!

@Nat6999

What is his habit? Drugs?

It's irrelevant as the habit in itself is no issue (to me), my issue has always been lack of transparency.

Every couple has their own version of "fair"
But I do think each partner should have equal amount of spending money at the end of the month.

Your both paid into the same account, spending money should be moved out and the rest into bills / joint savings.

By your reasoning, if he earned nothing then he would pay nothing towards bills, but also he would have nothing!

But if you wanted to split things proportionally then 26% mentioned upthread would be "fairer". If he pays 35% then you pay 65%, so he pays more than half what you pay, despite only earning about a third of what you earn.

The fairest way would be for all income to go in the joint pot and all joint expenses, essential and agreed joint discretionary, eg holidays, family days out etc to come from the joint pot, plus savings for joint costs like Christmas, insurance, white goods replacement etc.

After all that, split what is left 50/50 so you both have equal personal spending money.

As for the debt, is this because he's been short of personal money compared to you in the past because of the percentages system, or has he been spending more than is affordable?

If he spends £300 pm but you can only afford £100 each in personal money, it's fair that he should pay the debt back out of his own money.

But if you've had £500 pm personal money (after what you spend on holidays and other joint fun spending) and he's only had £100 pm, and he's got into debt because he's not had equal spending money, then perhaps some or all of the debt should be paid off from joint money.

When we had a pay disparity (not a big, but still significant), we looked at it slightly differently. We worked out what our basic joint outgoings are - mortgages, food, utility bills, a bit of saving for holidays - and then worked out what sane percentage of our salaries we each needed to pay into a joint account to cover this. We ended up both paying 40% of our salaries into a joint account for this. We adjusted it a little from time to time.

@BarbaraofSeville

The fairest way would be for all income to go in the joint pot and all joint expenses, essential and agreed joint discretionary, eg holidays, family days out etc to come from the joint pot, plus savings for joint costs like Christmas, insurance, white goods replacement etc.

After all that, split what is left 50/50 so you both have equal personal spending money.

As for the debt, is this because he's been short of personal money compared to you in the past because of the percentages system, or has he been spending more than is affordable?

If he spends £300 pm but you can only afford £100 each in personal money, it's fair that he should pay the debt back out of his own money.

But if you've had £500 pm personal money (after what you spend on holidays and other joint fun spending) and he's only had £100 pm, and he's got into debt because he's not had equal spending money, then perhaps some or all of the debt should be paid off from joint money.

He's got into debt because he has a habit/addiction, nothing else. Up until basically yesterday I've put all my money in and he's put in whatever... The number had always been random and maybe not until this year even remotely fair. Giving me £400 one month when I was on ML? Or £600 (or less) when I was unemployed? Last year I also had a period of unemployment and even then with all of his improvement he still didn't put all of his salary in the joint pot (which would have avoided getting into more joint debt). He's been a complete test with money because he had an "addiction" at least he's come clean now, and hopefully we can move forward in a way that we both see fair. For disclosure he doesn't he should have any "pocket" money, he doesn't think he deserv s it after so many years of disrespecting the household finances.

We pulled together a spreadsheet of all our incomings and outgoings and balanced it so we have a similar amount of 'spends' each month. It's the most fair way to do it.

This kind of thread always intrigues me because you see all the different ways people approach money/life. When people talk about Spending money I find it quite strange. It's almost as if it's allocated to be spent, not just there in case you wish to purchase something. I understand if budgeted for hobbies or routine events that cost money, but it seems like some people are happy to assign it to be spent at will and consider it a sort of free money, to be disposed of regularly. Obviously this is all about freedom of choice, and I believe that everyone has the right to make their own choices, it's just that this way of spending is so different to how I grew up, and how my husband and I are now, that it's something I notice.
Also this idea of being fair. How does this work out with spending money? I suppose if you are both spenders then you shouldn't get a say in what your partner's "allocated" personal money is spent on but if that month there isn't anything you want to buy do you keep track of who has spent what and when and why? It's the whole fair thing that I can't understand.
This also goes for free time as well. I think that some couples probably thrive in this very organised environment but others, like me find it difficult to comprehend, which obviously doesn't mean it's wrong. I suppose the important thing is that both people in the couple are on the same page.

@seashellsunderthesand see I just said 'spends' because that's what people always call it on here.

We put a set amount into savings and the rest is just there. It doesn't have to be spent. It just means we can do what we want or need when we want or need it. He might spend all of his or almost none of it. I have no idea, and vice versa. It's just money that's not needed for the family.

What has he done to address his addiction?

I knew about it, but he had told me he had kept it under control for many years (due to his ex-wife's managing budget) but he relapsed about 1 year into our relationship. I don't think he's done anything to address it this time.