Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does anybody regret their choice of bridesmaids?

69 replies

TopTabby · 28/02/2022 15:38

Because I do a bit.
Been married many years but I would do it all very differently if I was getting married now.
I had 3 bridesmaids: 2 adults, 1 flower girl
Flower girl was 7 years old & absolutely lovely.

Adult 1 was dh's younger sister, we weren't close & over the years she's done a lot to remind me I'm not immediate family.

Adult 2 was my best friend who left after the meal to go to another wedding!

I rather wish I hadn't had any tbh & definitely wouldn't if I got married now!

OP posts:
Nelliephant1 · 28/02/2022 16:10

Yup I do. They were probably the right people at the time but I married very young and would have done it all differently even six months afterwards.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 28/02/2022 16:22

I wish I'd stood up to my Mum who told me I'd be bridesmaid for my cousin (her favourite niece) because the bride didn't want to ask me - she knew I'd say no.
I hated every bloody minute, but then I was 15 and hadn't long recovered from chicken pox.
The dress was a hideous and itchy orangey puff-ball. I has to have my hair "done" as leaving it straight and loose wasn't an option.
And we had to walk from the church to the pub for the reception because the car was only booked for the bride and groom 🤦‍♀️

tobleroneORterryschocO · 28/02/2022 16:39

@TopTabby

Because I do a bit. Been married many years but I would do it all very differently if I was getting married now. I had 3 bridesmaids: 2 adults, 1 flower girl Flower girl was 7 years old & absolutely lovely.

Adult 1 was dh's younger sister, we weren't close & over the years she's done a lot to remind me I'm not immediate family.

Adult 2 was my best friend who left after the meal to go to another wedding!

I rather wish I hadn't had any tbh & definitely wouldn't if I got married now!

Oh yes defiantly and I certainly wouldn't have invited half the people we did Envy

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
GeneLovesJezebel · 28/02/2022 16:41

Yep. I had my step sister who I never see any more, and I hate her father so I don’t look at my wedding photos.

Traumdeuter · 28/02/2022 16:43

No - but I only had my eight year old niece. She’s 14 now and would probably refuse to do it…

Creeeper · 28/02/2022 16:46

I had 3 bridesmaids - 2 very good friends from university who I’ve been close friends with since, 1 friend from school who is still my good friend now

I am still very close with all of them and have been BM to 2 of them, will be when the other gets married

But then I got married in my 30s so all the fair weather friends had moved along by that point. Im sure if I was married in my early 20s I would regret who I’d chosen!

Ozanj · 28/02/2022 16:49

Mum insisted on me having my sister and cousin as bridesmaids and I really didn’t want the latter so I added all my work friends in so had a massive wedding party. Totally regret the whole thing because I’m no longer in contact with any of my work friends.

Ikeabag · 28/02/2022 16:52

Yes. I had one. Picked them because I knew they'd want to be, sort of felt like I was being benevolent, since realised I should have just been solo like I wanted to be and not ended up with a person in my photos I now don't speak to (we drifted I'd say, they don't really understand why but I was kind of in denial for a while about how anxious they made me and how they were being underhand in small ways, judging me, I did try and explain when they asked why, their response showed me that they weren't able to understand how friendship should be equal and uplifting instead of competitive and transactional). I've realised I've had a few friendships now where I get dragged into the role of support structure without having my needs considered, and am better at boundaries now. So yes. :)

QueenOfCakeandCoffee · 28/02/2022 16:53

I had my childhood best friend and niece as a flower girl, I would definitely not have the ‘friend’ we spoke twice after the wedding and it changed everything… I regret not asking her to stand to down. I’ve never been a adult bridesmaid and wish I was close enough with some to want me, I would love to bless some and help with their day.

I still love my niece to bits and love she was my flower girl.

Bdhntbis · 28/02/2022 16:53

I wouldn’t have had my DHs sister; I felt I should but she created so many problems that I wish I hadn’t.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 28/02/2022 17:09

One of mine was a colleague. She was utterly pathetic and kept pestering me about things. I was sick and fed up with her. I had nobody to help me with my wedding dress or anything and she was a total burden and a nuisance.

Dh asked two of his friends to keep her away from me in the end because I was getting stressed.

GrandRapids · 28/02/2022 17:11

Yeah I had three, two of which I haven't seen in years. We still speak from time to time but not involved in each other's lives at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bickles · 28/02/2022 17:14

Yes.
2 adults- one is still a really close friend- should’ve just had her. She has always been there for me and I hope I for her.

The other has drifted away (very much her choice) and it’s just Christmas cards now. I wonder if she had fertility problems which made her close herself off to be honest. I would have understood though, DS took 3 years and IVF!

Original poster
TopTabby · 28/02/2022 17:38

Totally agree @Bdhntbis,looking back I only asked SIL to help the relationship between us when it's now obvious there really wasn't one & that's fine (now).
She was a very 'all about me' person at the time.
I was a largely ignored guest at her wedding a year later!

OP posts:
BrodieKD · 28/02/2022 17:42

I regret one of my bridesmaids. She wasn't interested at all and couldn't have been less sympathetic when my wedding was postponed due to covid.
She's getting married in a couple of months and didn't ask me to be hers - after the way she treated me I'm glad she didn't ask. Her bridesmaids have been beyond useless 
My wedding was cancelled and I'd like to drop her as a bridesmaid. I really don't want her in all my wedding photos. I'd hate to lose her all together as we've known each other a very long time. I'll need to have a think about things when we rebook.

Arghhconfused · 28/02/2022 17:46

Yes, the whole wedding too!

Hen2018 · 28/02/2022 17:50

I didn’t have any.

Bluelillies · 28/02/2022 17:51

I’ve never been married but I regret being the bridesmaid for my brother and his wife
I just know if she was on here,she’d say the same thing-all she ever wanted was a wedding day-not to be a wife-just the day
They had no money at all but are massive cf’s so they insisted I pay for my,and my childrens outfits-then changed their minds after I’d bought it all-I point blank refused to buy more clothes-there are 7 of us and each outfit was £150+
We had to walk from venue to venue afterwards as they refused to have us in the car
They moaned that the kids where hungry and they hadn’t done enough food for 20 let alone the over 100 they had invited
I had a cracking headache and my mother refused to have the kids for 10 minutes while I ran to the shop for painkillers
They treated us like dirt in the run up to the big day-and on the day
Not spoken a word to us since-we used to be really close
I did hear afterwards that I wasn’t worth anything as I refuse to get married

Worst bit is,that after they got married they lasted 3 months before breaking up-found she was pregnant,got back together and live very unhappy together for their child

CraneVille · 28/02/2022 17:54

Yeah, had my sister and SIL. Neither did a thing except turn up on the day. Nothing bad, but nothing supportive or helpful.

I really wish I'd picked two friends but was trying to keep family happy.

Madmog · 28/02/2022 17:54

I never wanted bridesmaids or flowers girls, so didn't have them. We ended up having to pay for most of our wedding ourselves, so I don't think our parents felt they were in a position to put pressure on. DSIL did make the comment she was surprised she wasn't picked, as well as my oldest friend (who she liked) and DN, but that's the only comment I had about it. We really didn't have the money for some aspects of our wedding, so no point having something I just didn't want.

bitchinofhitchen · 28/02/2022 17:58

I was BM for my SIL who is on here (waves) that was a massive mistake. Every minute was excruciating uncomfortable. She had totally different expectations to what I was thinking and behaved really oddly. I hated that my bro was marrying her. I got pissed and eventually called her by his ex fiancés name.

JammyCandy · 28/02/2022 18:00

Didn’t have any and no regrets Grin

DarleneSnell · 28/02/2022 18:03

No. I had my sisters who I'm still very close to, and my best friend at the time who I've long since drifted from, but am still friendly with and think of fondly.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 28/02/2022 18:05

@JammyCandy

Didn’t have any and no regrets Grin
Yup.

Being a bridesmaid was enough to put me off having a "proper wedding" too.

Quickie in the Reg Office, no flowers, no frock, no guests.

Job done.

RavenclawsRoar · 28/02/2022 18:08

Yes. It was a lovely day but basically one of the groups of friends I had at the time were all in engagement / hen do / wedding mode and we all got caught up in it. I ended up with 4 of them as bridesmaids and now we hardly ever speak / see each other as once wedding fever died down we all sort of lost our common link! I wish I'd just stuck with family.

Swipe left for the next trending thread