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Original poster

Does anybody regret their choice of bridesmaids?

69 replies

TopTabby · 28/02/2022 15:38

Because I do a bit.
Been married many years but I would do it all very differently if I was getting married now.
I had 3 bridesmaids: 2 adults, 1 flower girl
Flower girl was 7 years old & absolutely lovely.

Adult 1 was dh's younger sister, we weren't close & over the years she's done a lot to remind me I'm not immediate family.

Adult 2 was my best friend who left after the meal to go to another wedding!

I rather wish I hadn't had any tbh & definitely wouldn't if I got married now!

OP posts:

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/02/2022 19:03

We went away quietly to a romantic continental city and married there. We had a total of four guests: one was my little bridesmaid - the daughter of our dearest friends - who's now a beautiful young woman of 22 and I love her just us much today as I did then.

Never a second's regret. If we could turn the clock back and marry all over again, we'd do it in precisely the same way. No power-dynamics, no sabotage, no arguments, albeit the in-laws were not impressed. Everyone else was happy for us.

DramaAlpaca · 28/02/2022 19:06

I had two adult friends as bridesmaids and we are still friends so no regrets.

I wish I'd asked one of the little girls at my wedding to be a flower girl. She'd have loved it and I really regretted not asking her.

Northerngirl21 · 28/02/2022 19:21

@bitchinofhitchen

I was BM for my SIL who is on here (waves) that was a massive mistake. Every minute was excruciating uncomfortable. She had totally different expectations to what I was thinking and behaved really oddly. I hated that my bro was marrying her. I got pissed and eventually called her by his ex fiancés name.

You sound extremely spiteful!! Also, pretty sure the wedding runs the way the bride wants it mot the bridesmaid….. can’t understand why some sisters are so nasty towards their brothers wives - is it some sort of jealousy?!

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Weddings

Totalwasteofpaper · 28/02/2022 19:22

Yep…
I really regret it and it basically killed my friendship with one of them.

Her behaviour was frankly awful and the worst bit was she seems totally utterly unaware of any of it.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/02/2022 19:30

In a way, I had no really close friends (only been in the country 2 years), no close female friends, I asked dh’s cousin and she was fine, but didn’t feel close to her.
DH also messed up his best man, he wasn’t very close to his brother then, so asked his closest uni friend, who he isn’t very close to subsequently.

WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 28/02/2022 19:30

Yeah, I only had two and one I'm still close to but the other, not so much. To be honest, it's my fault, I felt sorry for the second one and asked her after a few drinks without thinking it through.
Not the end of the world though, the wedding album is up on a shelf somewhere, never gets looked at from one year to the next.

MangoLipstick · 28/02/2022 19:34

I had my sisters as my bridesmaids, it was an easy choice for me.

I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times, twice for my sisters and once for a friend. Sadly, I don’t see that friend anymore, we still txt occasionally but just drifted apart over the years.

JenniferWooley · 28/02/2022 19:46

Not really but I'd only intended on having my best friend (from nursery & still best friends now) & a cousin who I was very close to, unfortunately ex-h insisted his sister be a bridesmaid & I couldn't very well have his sister without asking my own so I ended up with 4 adult bridesmaids & 4 flower girls (DD1 & my 3 nieces - DD2 has never let it go that she wasn't a flower girl she was 5 months old). We had a big wedding so it didn't look odd having so many.

It was fine though as it's not as if I didn't get on with them & I've been divorced for 15 years & still see his sister regularly.

drpet49 · 28/02/2022 19:47

* Adult 1 was dh's younger sister, we weren't close & over the years she's done a lot to remind me I'm not immediate family.*

^This was my experience too

MrsTimRiggins · 28/02/2022 19:53

Sort of? I just wish I hadn’t bothered with bridesmaids at all and just had our two gorgeous flower girls. My maid of honour was no trouble (she’s wonderful!) but my two sisters were fucking nightmares. They whinged about absolutely everything and just generally dragged the mood down!

Journeylikenomother · 28/02/2022 19:54

Yes! I massively regret having a cousin as one of my bridesmaids. She did nothing but cause trouble for the 6 mths up to it.... Made out my other bridesmaids were "ganging up" on her, v vocal about how SHE should be chief bridesmaid and not my best friend as "blood is thicker than water", accused one BM of stealing money from my hen, made up all sorts of lies to my extended family (cousins and aunts), questioned my invite list and the not inviting of random cousins partners (who I'd never met!), Drama queen on the day itself and day after.

She arrived the morning of the wedding and presented my mum with BROWN cheapy robes - one for mother and one for me, each with tacky embroidery on them. This was despite me clearly telling her I'd ordered robes for all bridesmaids and my mum. So awkward.

8 years later, family have seen her true colours but it's taken some time. She has apologised for her lies and behaviour but too little too late. I can't even look at my wedding album.

I think her mother and sister were fueling all of her behaviour at the time.

In hindsight, I'd have just had my best friend.

Svara · 28/02/2022 20:00

I regret not including my 18 year old sister. I was worried about being upstaged, and I almost certainly would have been. We are also polar opposites and struggle to get on. I had my 11 year old sister and her best friend instead.

Grandville · 28/02/2022 20:00

@doodlejump1980

I had my then SIL. She knew she was going to divorce my brother, so should have stepped back well before the wedding. Instead I have her catsarse smile in all my otherwise lovely family photos. 😡

I was the BM in not dissimilar circumstances although I wasn't intending to leave at the time of the wedding. I broke up with the bride's brother two years after and still feel a bit guilty about being in all her photos.

Original poster

TopTabby · 28/02/2022 20:12

There seems to be a bit of a theme of SIL, cousins etc being less than helpful!

@MalFunkshun makes a really good point about how helpful any of us would be in our early 20s.

I was so disappointed with my friend going to another wedding in the evening. We fell out for a while & didn't see each other for a few years. We're back in touch now & I really like her but I still wish I'd never had her as a bridesmaid. Tbh I'm still a bit cross!
When I told her I was engaged she asked immediately to be a bridesmaid & I agreed without thinking anything could go wrong.

Ahhh the beauty of hindsight.

OP posts:

Zippea · 28/02/2022 20:19

Yes my sisters. I did it because not having them in the wedding would have made my life hell but they were so poorly behaved that I don’t think on retrospect it would have made any difference. They added nothing to the run up to the wedding apart from problems and issues.
The two flower girls were far better behaved

Sn0tnose · 28/02/2022 20:57

I had my lovely sil, who was the perfect choice, and some nieces as flower girls, so I don’t regret my choices at all.

What I especially don’t regret is standing by my decision not to ask my sister. It didn’t go down well at the time but it was definitely the right decision.

PamelaDoov · 28/02/2022 21:11

Yes, 2 of them don’t bother with me anymore. Wish they hasn’t been my bridesmaids. Now my kids are going to ask who they are in my wedding photos and I’ll have to say we’re not friends anymore. Sad really.

harrumphs · 28/02/2022 21:11

I don't regret my choice but I think I'd do it a little differently now. I had two, both good friends and who still are good friends. One I'd definitely chose again. The other I still love her but I've got other friends now I'm closer to.
I've been married 15 years, and it's so weird looking at my whole group wedding photos now. There are quite a lot of people in them that I just don't see at all anymore or who are now right at the periphery of my life. There've been no fallings out (though there have been a couple of divorces!) I guess it's just what happens over time, isn't it?

Original poster

TopTabby · 28/02/2022 21:36

@harrumphs Yes, we're the same with wedding guests. 25 years married this year & obviously I've moved on workwise etc & don't see a lot of those people anymore. Nice to see family though, well most of them!

OP posts:

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