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Original poster

If ExH takes DD out of school, will I get a fine?

69 replies

FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:00

DD is 7 year 3. She has several medical issues so misses half days fairly regularly. Her attendance is usually around 86-89% mark, only once have I got it above 90%.

I regularly get letters threatening me with fines if I “don’t take DDs education seriously and send her in” school always assure me that they have sent off all the evidence of appointments to Education Welfare and I shouldn’t get fined as it’s unavoidable – they’ve told me a few times they mark it down as an M but if she’s in before the end of the morning it goes down as U with a note saying it’s M and then evidence letters sent off alongside it. She’s occasionally been down as M for the morning but U for the afternoon as we’ve got to school right after the registers close in the afternoon.

So to the issue

ExH has decided he absolutely must take DD out of school for a week immediately after May Half Term. For his sister’s wedding.

I do not agree with it. He could easily fit the event into half term, fly out late evening after school on the Friday and back late Saturday, the event is a wedding for his sister on the Wednesday, he just wants to do it cheaply.

He says he’s taking her out of school for the 5 days/10 sessions and it’s not him who’ll be fined because he’s the NRP. There’s a CAO which gives me full residency. He says if I try and pass the fine onto him he’ll just ignore it and because DD is registered as living at my address everywhere and nowhere has a record of his address it’s me who’ll get fined.

I have told him I am not asking the HT if DD can be removed from school, and I will make it clear I do not give permission but he just shrugged and said I best make sure I have the money for the fine anyway.

I can’t afford a fine, and don’t agree for her to be removed from school for the week. I have no worries about her being bought back, all his family are here, they’re just wanting to show off abroad, but it’s his weekend right before the week, so that makes things awkward as I can’t not send her as I’d be in breech.

My solicitor doesn’t really know what to do other than making it clear I don’t give permission, I don’t have and never have had her passport, ExH has sorted all that.

So will I get fined? And would it be classed as a breech to keep her that weekend so he doesn’t take her out of school?

For added context she’s around 2 years behind, working at around Year 1 level, is just starting to read, struggles with writing, also has processing and memory issues, as well as her medical issues. I am keen for her to be in school as much as possible given she misses a lot already.

OP posts:
TrendingNowt · 27/02/2022 20:05

Unfortunately they do fine the resident parent, not the one who takes them out.
You've mentioned passport- is it abroad? If so, you may be able to stop it, talk to your solicitor

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:06

@TrendingNowt

Unfortunately they do fine the resident parent, not the one who takes them out. You've mentioned passport- is it abroad? If so, you may be able to stop it, talk to your solicitor
@TrendingNowt Yes abroad, but I have no information about her passport, ExH has done all that. Will talk to solicitor again.
OP posts:
TrendingNowt · 27/02/2022 20:06

Sorry just seen it is abroad, that is fortunate in a way because you may be able to stop it.
And yes he will be in breach if he doesn't return her when he ought

Interested in this thread?

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TrendingNowt · 27/02/2022 20:08

Call them first thing tomorrow, I believe it is a prohibited steps order you need,

Tiredmummyof3 · 27/02/2022 20:08

They fine all parents and step parents. In our council anyway, it may be different where you are. But ours fines anyone who is deemed a parent.

newbiename · 27/02/2022 20:10

Surely you'd need to go back to court? Your solicitor doesn't sound great.

LolaLuffnagal · 27/02/2022 20:11

Sorry I don't have any helpful advice but what a fucking arsehole he is. Taking her out and letting you deal with the consequences of his selfish actions? Prick Hmm

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:12

@Tiredmummyof3

They fine all parents and step parents. In our council anyway, it may be different where you are. But ours fines anyone who is deemed a parent.
@Tiredmummyof3 They don't have his address on record anywhere, I've tried to give it to school but they tell me it has to come from him, I applied for school places. We were together when she was born so the address on her birth certificate is her current address.

Doctors, Dentist, even the hairdresser all mine. So technically he's not her parent apart from on the court order, which only lists where she will live and with who, doesn't mention his address at all.

So even with that rule, they;re unlikely to be able to trace him

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 27/02/2022 20:13

Id be telling him i certainly do not give permission and if she isnt returned as agreed you will be reporting it to the police.

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:13

@LolaLuffnagal

Sorry I don't have any helpful advice but what a fucking arsehole he is. Taking her out and letting you deal with the consequences of his selfish actions? Prick Hmm
@LolaLuffnagal I know Sad

I'll get saving in case I can't stop it, as theres a backlog in our court at the moment from what my solicitor said.

OP posts:
wildseas · 27/02/2022 20:21

You’ve got time to sort this.

So, I would email the school a purely factual summary of what has happened, what you have or haven’t each agreed and include his address in the email. Ask them if this is in the child’s best interest, who would be fined in this circumstance and how

Based on what they say I would probably send a written message to ex asking for his agreement to pay the fine, and informing him that you won’t be providing her for contact over half term without it.

Secrettoday · 27/02/2022 20:26

They will fine all parents and step parents.

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:27

@Secrettoday

They will fine all parents and step parents.
@Secrettoday As I said:

They don't have his address on record anywhere, I've tried to give it to school but they tell me it has to come from him, I applied for school places. We were together when she was born so the address on her birth certificate is her current address.

Doctors, Dentist, even the hairdresser all mine. So technically he's not her parent apart from on the court order, which only lists where she will live and with who, doesn't mention his address at all.

So even with that rule, they're unlikely to be able to trace him

OP posts:
Secrettoday · 27/02/2022 20:30

Then when you receive the warning letter before done I would contact school and the local court officer who is sending the fine.

Secrettoday · 27/02/2022 20:30

Done should be *fine

Secrettoday · 27/02/2022 20:31

Btw he should complete a holiday form to give to school ahead of the term time leave. His address should be on that?

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:33

@Secrettoday

Btw he should complete a holiday form to give to school ahead of the term time leave. His address should be on that?
@Secrettoday He says he's not giving school his address as it's not where DD lives so likely even if he puts the form in (which he probably won't) then he'll put my address on it.
OP posts:
RetireReady · 27/02/2022 20:35

What happens if you don't pay the fine.stating you had no control over it? Not sure I would pay if I had warned the school and tried to stop it in court...I mean what else are you supposed to do?

Theunamedcat · 27/02/2022 20:38

His address doesnt matter they will send you one and him one to your address if they don't have one for him he can then ignore it and get taken to court

But get a prohibited steps order and a new solicitor yours sounds a bit wishy washy

Does your court order give him permission to take her out the country? He is supposed to have permission from you to do this unless its in the court order

Do you know the location and approximate date? You can contact airlines or ? The passport office and state you don't give permission gor her to leave the country at this time

Secrettoday · 27/02/2022 20:39

Speak to the school attendance officer and tell them the situation. In my office I would be in contact with him directly for the details. I find it strange they won’t take his address details from you, as for the court application you have to have tried ALL MEANS to get contact details.

Original poster
FinedNotFine · 27/02/2022 20:44

@Theunamedcat

His address doesnt matter they will send you one and him one to your address if they don't have one for him he can then ignore it and get taken to court

But get a prohibited steps order and a new solicitor yours sounds a bit wishy washy

Does your court order give him permission to take her out the country? He is supposed to have permission from you to do this unless its in the court order

Do you know the location and approximate date? You can contact airlines or ? The passport office and state you don't give permission gor her to leave the country at this time

@Theunamedcat Court order says

"Where the child or children named in this order are ordered to live with a person, that person or anyone else may not change the childs surname or remove the child or children from the United Kingdom (UK) without prior written permission of all those who hold parental responsibility whether name on this order or not

However this does not prevent the removal of the child or children from the UK for a period of less than 28 days by a person named in this order who holds parental responsibility"

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 27/02/2022 20:47

If you contact the passport Office and tell them that you have full residency and your ex applied for a passport without your permission and he intends to remove your child from the country without your permission they will cancel the passport and arrest him at the airport for abduction

Theunamedcat · 27/02/2022 20:49

So there is a loophole it doesn't expressly forbid it but does say he needs your written permission and you need his but then the next paragraph seems to contradict itself

Perhaps message him reminding him of his need to get your written permission and state your not going to give it as she is missing school

gospelsinger · 27/02/2022 21:02

I know I'm missing the point here, but if the school is sending you threatening letters because DD is absent due to a medical condition, then that is absolutely outrageous and completely discriminatory. It simply should not be allowed to happen. This is what needs fighting against.

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 27/02/2022 21:07

My SD’s school didn’t have our address on file. We took her out of school for a Friday and the following Monday for a weekend away but got fined as she regularly misses schooling with mum.
They fined both parents but sent the letter with DHs name on to Ex’s address.