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Original poster

Signed off work, what now?

45 replies

Soverytired01 · 27/02/2022 10:33

Hi all have NC for this.

So as the title suggests I've been signed off work with stress (not depression just stress) and I feel worse, not sure if this is normal?

It's been a couple of weeks now and I just can't relax and switch off. Everything came to a bit of a head at work there were some big deadlines to meet and now they are done I just had a bit of a mental collapse. It's everything really over the last few years, covid, homeschooling, caring for ill family members etc it all got a bit much and the doctor just said stop.

But I don't know what to do now. My children arr at school and nursery so I have a school day length free. I just can't relax. My heart is pounding all the time I can't concentrate on anything, I feel like.my brains in a fog.

The doctor said I need to completely stop and not use this time to to clean or anything just to rest and heal but I don't know where to start.

I feel on high alert all the time. My husband says it will take time to come down from all the stress. Do I just need to let the tears flow and sleep? I feel like a shadow of the woman I was

I feel so bloody guilty, looking around at the news that's real stress real high alert. I actually have a lovely little life, no money worries lovely house we are very privileged so why the hell do I feel like this.

Where do I go from here? Has anyone else been signed off and how did you heal?

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 27/02/2022 10:35

Firstly I avoided e.g. Things that juice the emotions e.g. Music, films ect, not all can be avoided but it helps to give more balance to the emotions. Then took events day by day.

CharSiu · 27/02/2022 10:43

I wasn’t signed off but I took all my leave at once of 5 weeks many years ago. I was also burnt out and overwhelmed. I really didn’t do much at all, went for many walks, slept a lot, watched a lot of tv that was not demanding and did low level stuff like sort out my wardrobe. I also backed away from social stuff. Because even nice stuff can be too much. I also had lovely everything. You are allowed to have a hard time even if you live in a nice house, have a good relationship and no money worries.

beeboop2018 · 27/02/2022 10:43

Hi. Can you get out in nature and just walk and soak up the sights and sounds. My stress different in that it was related to grief, but the high alert, can't sit still heart pounding symptoms were similar. Nature and just walking saved me in a walk. The walking calmed the frayed nerves and the vastness of nature soothed my heartbroken mind. Good luck with finding some peace it's very hard being so wound up.

Datsandcogs · 27/02/2022 10:47

You need to stop. Sounds simple but it isn’t.

Maybe some routine would help? Drop the children off, go for a stroll (gentle not fast paced), stop for a hot drink, then go home . . . lunch . . . back to collect the children, maybe food shopping on the way.

You need some mindfulness or gentle activities to do at home, what you choose will depend on your interests, a new to you TV series to watch, adult colouring, puzzle books, jigsaws, crafting, even baking. Things that you can focus on and stop thinking about the usual stresses in life, for me it’s sewing.

Be kind to yourself and create some non thinking time. Good luck.

Hazelnut5 · 27/02/2022 10:47

I had something similar a few years back. I booked myself in at a new place for a massage, and as the massage started the tears began to flow. I absolutely sobbed. It was as if the masseur was squeezing out all the stress. I was a bit embarrassed to be honest but she was really lovely about it and said it’s not uncommon. I went back a few times after that and never cried again, but I think that first one did me the power of good.

FiftyStoriesHigh · 27/02/2022 10:49

You sound so burnt out. I know you probably feel like all that Adrenalin means you should be at work and doing stuff but it means the opposite - it means your body has lost the ability to regulate. Try to ignore your internal monologue for a bit and it’ll quiet down. Walk, maybe swim gently, watch comedy. It will take time but as your nervous system starts to realise it doesn’t need to be on hyper vigilant mode all the time it will get better.

LaMadrilena · 27/02/2022 10:51

It's normal to not feel the relief yet, or to even feel worse. It takes time for all the stress to get out of your system. As your doctor said, it's fine to do nothing. Personally (and this will vary according to the person obviously), I found it helpful to do something creative, even if I didn't do it well. For example, drawing, colouring, writing, bullet journalling... Anything that will concentrate your mind a little, will give you pleasure if it turns out beautifully, but that doesn't have consequences if it doesn't turn out so well.

What your feeling has nothing to do with how privileged you are, thinking like that doesn't help. But you'll only realise this is true once you start to feel better! It took me months to work out that what I was feeling wasn't my fault, and wasn't me being unable to cope with "normal" levels of stress. Little by little I had come to accept that feeling shit was normal, and it's only now, a couple of years later, that I realise how ill I was.

GordenBennett · 27/02/2022 10:52

I didn't realise how stressed I was until I stopped. It took me a long, long time before I even knew what normal was, just be kind to yourself. That's the only advise I have

theautumnalmanac · 27/02/2022 10:57

Aw well done for taking this time. It's so important to stop when needed. Lots of people are suggesting nature which I think is so helpful. Also while backing away from any social media, maybe it would be a good use of time to take half an hour to browse Mumsnet and see if there are any posts you can help with. Helping others can take you away from your own issues temporarily and instil a sense of purpose. It's a cliche but take every day as it comes. It can seem daunting to see so much time stretched ahead of you so maybe see how you feel when you wake up and set one or two achievable goals, even if it's just - sort out a drawer, paint your nails etc. It's quite satisfying ticking things off 😊

Chocolateteabag · 27/02/2022 10:57

If you feel any need to "do something" - make sure they are v small tasks that will only take 15-20 mins, then do a restful activity like watch a gentle tv programme

Monty Don programmes - Japan, Adriatic gardens or just the last series of GW

Easy binge watch comedy like Young Sheldon or the Goldbergs

Crafty stuff like the Pottery one or landscape:portrait painter of the year (several series and they are v easy)

Tasks - sort a sock:pant:cutlery drawer

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/02/2022 10:58

Stop caffeine and alcohol
Focus on good nutrition and eating well.
Go and walk in greenery /amongst trees for at least 30mins every day
Do a yoga class / video daily on YouTube

Try PRM!!! It’s really relaxing
m.youtube.com/watch?v=912eRrbes2g

Be kind to yourself Flowers

Original poster
Soverytired01 · 27/02/2022 11:10

Thanks all, literally spent the morning sobbing on the couch and snapping at the children. This isn't fair on them. Ive been in the garden to hang out the uniform washing and couldn't even count to 5 to check there is 5 of each thing wtaf?! Husband has taken over with children now.

Trying to eat well we have a mainly organic diet anyway and I rarely drink, maybe a glass of wood quality red wine once a month or so.

We have a veg patch and greenhouse that needs some work thanks to the storms maybe I'll do that this week.

I'm thinking of baking too, we get a veg box delivery and you can add kits to it eg a baking kit or a soup kit maybe I'll get both.

I think I need to force myself to relax. Husband says I should get in the bath now with my kindle but I feel guilty when there's so much to do to get ready for the week etc, online shop just arrived so that all needs putting away, ironing to do etc.

Oh the guilt

OP posts:
Original poster
Soverytired01 · 27/02/2022 11:13

School / nursery have also done a double take, I usually turn up full makeup, office wear etc. Now I'm turning up in yoga pants and a hoody and ponytail and no makeup, it's strangely liberating but also I don't feel like "me". Hmmm

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 27/02/2022 11:17

Get in the bath and take your kindle

GordenBennett · 27/02/2022 11:19

Stop
Already you are thinking about things that need doing
This is time for you

SNUG2022 · 27/02/2022 11:19

Get the headspace app, it's really good. Watch something like gilmore girls in bed and doze. You could set a little project like the garden. Doing something physical outside. Mind had some free courses to attend on stress and anxiety. Dh does need to do the dc for a bit. Your body will come down from this hypervigilance.

Gizlotsmum · 27/02/2022 11:50

It sounds like you have a supportive oh so let him do some of the things, if it helps list everything you think needs to be done then get in the bath with the kindle…

Teddansononmyown · 27/02/2022 12:18

Going to be honest, the only thing that helped me was medication.
I am naturally very highly strung, can't 'unsee' things that need done, don't sleep well etc. I had a very stressful time last year and Dr signed me off for 2 weeks. I'd never had time off before (I've always been the type to just get on with it) and I spent the time doing jobs around the house that I discovered needed doing as I was home so I noticed them. I went back to work 5x worse than when I left.
When you're at that level of heightened anxiety I honestly believe that no amount of modifying your environment, exercise, diet etc can make the change that needed. They obviously help, but sometimes you need to accept that extra support is needed.

FelicityPike · 27/02/2022 12:21

“ Husband says I should get in the bath now with my kindle but I feel guilty when there's so much to do to get ready for the week etc, online shop just arrived so that all needs putting away, ironing to do etc”

All of which your husband is perfectly capable of doing. Your kids can help too.
Ironing can get done later if he doesn’t want to do that ( or like me, you don’t trust him lol).

PeopleBeCrazy · 27/02/2022 12:30

Oh OP that sounds really tough. I've been there and it's no easy ride. I have no tips to share. I took medication and had years of therapy to get where I am now.

Appreciate this may not be feasible but could you outsource to a cleaner or someone to do your ironing? I've no doubt your lovely sounding husband is capable but it may alleviate some stress from you that's coming from guilt?

Also I have a friend who swore by nature and getting your hands in the soil. But don't put any pressure on yourself. If you just sort out two small pots/plants then that's two more than you had to begin with.

Good luck... I promise it does get better CakeFlowers

NeededAction · 27/02/2022 12:31

Perhaps it’s easier to tell yourself that you’re helping DH by resting and getting better. Rather than pushing through to help with things now and still needing a proper break from it all in a couple of weeks.

Hope you did have that bath! Then something nice on YouTube or telly and tuck urself up in bed (or in a sunny garden if you’re lucky enough:)) with a tea

Datsandcogs · 27/02/2022 12:45

You need to change your perspective from feeling guilty about eg taking a bath to seeing it as taking time for yourself in order to de-stress which will benefit everyone in your family. You need to allow yourself time without guilt.

Choconuts · 27/02/2022 12:57

I agree with those suggesting colouring or craft. The repetitive action of crocheting/knitting/sewing/cross stitch can be very soothing and is just enough to occupy you mind whilst watching gentle tv to stop intrusive thoughts. Most are very cheap to start with and basic equipment can be bought from Amazon Smile

baggies · 27/02/2022 13:04

You need to understand that you are ill. If you had the flu you'd be in bed, no ironing, washing, cooking etc etc. You'd relinquish control and rest. In much the same way you must look after yourself with stress. Like others have said find something that can help you switch off. I found jigsaws were a way of totally focusing about the task in hand and an hour would pass and I realised I hadn't thought of anything else except that jigsaw. I agree with another poster that medication can help. It takes time to kick in but will take the edge off the acuteness of your stress. I would go back to your dr and explain how you are feeling still and anti depressants could be a short term answer for you.
It's a horrible horrible feeling op. I wish you well x

meltingmyhead · 27/02/2022 13:04

Maybe try writing it down. It doesn't need to make sense and you don't have to read it again it's just a way to get things out. Sometimes I wrote nonsense just random words and sentences that don't connect but it gets things out of my head and then I find it easier to relax.

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